I signed up for free Italian classes offered at my university! I'm so excited!
As I've mentioned, I'm Italian and have been wanting to take an actual Italian class at university since I began. Well, the teacher retired a year or two before I began and they have yet to hire anyone else. So poor me, I'm graduating in May and never got the opportunity.
Alhumdulillah. There are four free conversational classes offered once a week starting in March. I'm sure we'll barely scratch the surface, but with student teaching full time and my son I really don't have time for much more than that anyway.
ALSO, my husband wants to go with me! I'm so excited we will get to do something fun together during the week again. I rarely see him more than three days a week. :(
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Wedding Plans
So, as you all know, I have a husband, and a child.
As you may not know, or may not have realized, our marriage is Islamic only, and is Muta at that.
About 2 1/2 years ago my husband and I entered into a muta marriage. I was a sophomore in college and there was no way my parents would support a legal marriage. Neither of us wanted to live in sin, so muta was our answer. We set the "time" for 3 years, although we both agreed it could be extended.
6 months into the marriage we found out I was pregnant. And 8 months later our beautiful son entered the world.
The pregnancy was a rude awakening to my parents, but they still would not support us living together as husband and wife.
In addition to family pressure, my husband and I both had full scholarships to college that could've been lost due to a legal marriage, and I had insurance to lose as well.
So for 15 months now our son and I have lived at my parents house during the week and my husbands apartment on weekends. It's not exactly been a picnic, but all of us do what we must.
I graduate May 8th of this year. Which means...I lose my insurance...which means, no reason not to get married! Sooo, I've been planning on getting married in June of this year for over a year now.
PLENTY of time to plan a nice wedding.
I, though, did not start planning. until. today.
On June 5th, we'll get married in a private ceremony with only my family in attendance. It will be a legal ceremony with mention of God in only a general sense to keep my Christian family and myself and my husband comfortable.
I ordered my dress today. You can see it here. This company is AMAZING. Jasmine Bridal. I found their website online and it said they could customize any dress to your specifications (for a price, of course). I then looked for a carrier nearby and there was one about an hour away so I went today! I am getting the dress shown if you click on the above link, but with long (not sheer) sleeves, a raised neckline, and a raised back. I am so, so, happy that I could get a modest dress without having to get something very plain. I've always been one to go for sparkles. :) Also for my international readers (Ellen...) there are Jasmine carriers in Australia if you want a traditional white, yet modest dress!
So, today I officially started "planning." I went to the inn to look at the room we are planning to rent for our reception (which will be either later in June, or in August), got price lists for lots of things. Started to look into flowers. Printed cake ideas to give to my aunt (cause she is making my cake!). Goodness....it is all SO much work (and money). Sometimes, it seems pointless because we're technically already married and we DO have a son. But every little girl imagines her wedding, and I don't want to look back later and think, "Gee, if only I'd..."
I am a bit disappointed in myself for not having the courage to wear hijab. Despite this being "my" day, a large part of one's wedding is really for the family. I don't want my wedding day to be filled with controversy as family and friends gossip about my religious preferences. I want my wedding and reception to be about OUR MARRIAGE not about people judging me.
I am fully aware that I shouldn't let what people think bother me so much, when Allah is the one and only true judge and the one I should be striving to please. With that being said, I am 100% human, and at this point I am not comfortable enough or strong enough to put myself "out there" as a Muslim in such a public way. Insha'Allah the time will come for me to gradually make my true beliefs known to family and friends who are important to me. It's so much easier to wear hijab in front of strangers because I couldn't care less about them!
Anyway, ceremony, June 5. Reception, TBA.
THEN, Islamic ceremony probably in D.C. also in the summer.
Crazy, crazy, crazy. So, so, busy. I NEVER want to go into the business of wedding planning.
As you may not know, or may not have realized, our marriage is Islamic only, and is Muta at that.
About 2 1/2 years ago my husband and I entered into a muta marriage. I was a sophomore in college and there was no way my parents would support a legal marriage. Neither of us wanted to live in sin, so muta was our answer. We set the "time" for 3 years, although we both agreed it could be extended.
6 months into the marriage we found out I was pregnant. And 8 months later our beautiful son entered the world.
The pregnancy was a rude awakening to my parents, but they still would not support us living together as husband and wife.
In addition to family pressure, my husband and I both had full scholarships to college that could've been lost due to a legal marriage, and I had insurance to lose as well.
So for 15 months now our son and I have lived at my parents house during the week and my husbands apartment on weekends. It's not exactly been a picnic, but all of us do what we must.
I graduate May 8th of this year. Which means...I lose my insurance...which means, no reason not to get married! Sooo, I've been planning on getting married in June of this year for over a year now.
PLENTY of time to plan a nice wedding.
I, though, did not start planning. until. today.
On June 5th, we'll get married in a private ceremony with only my family in attendance. It will be a legal ceremony with mention of God in only a general sense to keep my Christian family and myself and my husband comfortable.
I ordered my dress today. You can see it here. This company is AMAZING. Jasmine Bridal. I found their website online and it said they could customize any dress to your specifications (for a price, of course). I then looked for a carrier nearby and there was one about an hour away so I went today! I am getting the dress shown if you click on the above link, but with long (not sheer) sleeves, a raised neckline, and a raised back. I am so, so, happy that I could get a modest dress without having to get something very plain. I've always been one to go for sparkles. :) Also for my international readers (Ellen...) there are Jasmine carriers in Australia if you want a traditional white, yet modest dress!
So, today I officially started "planning." I went to the inn to look at the room we are planning to rent for our reception (which will be either later in June, or in August), got price lists for lots of things. Started to look into flowers. Printed cake ideas to give to my aunt (cause she is making my cake!). Goodness....it is all SO much work (and money). Sometimes, it seems pointless because we're technically already married and we DO have a son. But every little girl imagines her wedding, and I don't want to look back later and think, "Gee, if only I'd..."
I am a bit disappointed in myself for not having the courage to wear hijab. Despite this being "my" day, a large part of one's wedding is really for the family. I don't want my wedding day to be filled with controversy as family and friends gossip about my religious preferences. I want my wedding and reception to be about OUR MARRIAGE not about people judging me.
I am fully aware that I shouldn't let what people think bother me so much, when Allah is the one and only true judge and the one I should be striving to please. With that being said, I am 100% human, and at this point I am not comfortable enough or strong enough to put myself "out there" as a Muslim in such a public way. Insha'Allah the time will come for me to gradually make my true beliefs known to family and friends who are important to me. It's so much easier to wear hijab in front of strangers because I couldn't care less about them!
Anyway, ceremony, June 5. Reception, TBA.
THEN, Islamic ceremony probably in D.C. also in the summer.
Crazy, crazy, crazy. So, so, busy. I NEVER want to go into the business of wedding planning.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Out in Hijab
Candice's post about running into her brother while wearing hijab has prompted me to share some of my own "hijabi tales."
I never leave my husband's apartment without a hijab. There are many Muslims in our building and complex so being seen w/out when they all know of my conversion would almost be a scandal, lol.
So, I always leave HIS apartment (not my house, for clarification) with a scarf on my head.
When we arrive at our destination, though, I always panic depending on where it is we're going. Red Lobster is a frequent destination and I always leave my hijab on for Red Lobster. The only person I've run into there is my doctor. He didn't even notice me. I think sometimes the hijab provides camouflage, because when people don't expect to see you dressed like that, they really actually "don't" see you dressed like that.
When we go to the mall I generally take it off. I left it on one time and felt so nervous the whole time that we only stayed a short while. I saw a friend of my mother's and was walking around so nervously and darting around so she wouldn't see me that I'm sure someone thought I must be shoplifting, lol.
When we go to the park it's always on, although sometimes I get nervous and look down because obviously that "hides" me.
When we go to the "big city" i.e. the state capital it is always on. Odds of running into someone are slim and I think the risk is worth it. Because I really do -want- to wear hijab.
When we go to Babies R Us I leave it on. At Christmastime this was an issue because of all the shoppers. I darted in and out of aisles to avoid a number of people I known that day. There is a girl from my classes who works at BRU and saw me one day. She ignored it, and well, I frankly don't care what she thinks anyway.
I wear it bowling. I saw someone from my education classes there one night. As in someone I spent 3+ hours with a day. She seemed a bit freaked when she realized it was me. And neither of us spoke to each other (at the bowling alley). The next day when we were working together on a group project it didn't come up. Now, over a year and many many hours together later...it still hasn't come up.
I wore it to the eye doctor to pick up my contacts. The lady recognized me and didn't comment. They've seen my husband so they probably think it's something I'm doing for him. Oh well.
I WANTED to wear it to my son's doctor appointment this week. It was just my brother and I at home so I was brave and put it on in a Spanish/pirate style so it wouldn't seem so overtly "Muslim." (My family still hasn't told my bro). Nevertheless, even spanish style my brother called me "burqa girl." I took it off so he wouldn't squeal to the 'rents, but put it back on it the car.
Get this, when I got to the doctor's office, though, my HUSBAND had me take it off. He told me he hated the style and that it was pointless because my neck and ears and small hairs were still showing.
Now, I was very self-conscious about the style. I felt I looked more chemo than Muslim, so I took it off without a fight. With that being said, though, shouldn't he have supported my attempt to be covered, instead of pointing out all the ways he didn't feel it was "proper?" Grr.
One more story, that's it, I promise. For our anniversary, hubby and I went out to Olive Garden with our son. I saw someone I knew, and I saw her stare at me for a long time. I ignored her, like, as in, "I'm not Nikki. I'm some Muslim woman who resembles Nikki." riiiight. Anyway, she obviously noticed me. Turns out she is in the college of nursing with my cousin. Talking to my cousin in the car one night (just us) I was being more open about my acceptance of Islam (not for myself, but as a valid path to God). She told me all about this Muslim man in her class who explained to her the difference between a burqa, niqab, abayat, hijab, etc. A little later in the conversation, she says "Did you go to Olive Garden recently?" I was like, "yeah." She then went on," well, my friend from nursing says she saw you there with (your son) and (your husband). She said you were wearing a burqa." Flustered, I respond with, "must have not been me." She goes on, "I told her I didn't think you wore it, but then again I don't know what you wear when you're out." THIS IS THE POINT IN THE STORY WHERE I SHOULD'VE COME CLEAN. She seemed fairly open to the idea of covering. Instead I laugh it off and say, "I don't even own a burqa, and if I did, I wouldn't want to wear it out." WHICH, in my defense, is ENTIRELY true. I personally think burqa's are gross and demeaning. I should have clarified, though, that it was me, but I was wearing a tunic, pants, and a scarf, NOT an actual burqa.
*sigh* I'm sure she totally knows I lied.
And that, my blogging friends, is just a number of my hijabi tales from my less than one year of being a Muslim. I'm sure as I come to cover more and more often, I will have a number of other stories to share. Hopefully all experiences will go without confrontation. The group I'm most worried about is the branch of my family that's not conservative at all, and then the opposite group, the elders of the church I was raised in. Only time will tell. Insha'Allah the reactions will not be too severe.
I never leave my husband's apartment without a hijab. There are many Muslims in our building and complex so being seen w/out when they all know of my conversion would almost be a scandal, lol.
So, I always leave HIS apartment (not my house, for clarification) with a scarf on my head.
When we arrive at our destination, though, I always panic depending on where it is we're going. Red Lobster is a frequent destination and I always leave my hijab on for Red Lobster. The only person I've run into there is my doctor. He didn't even notice me. I think sometimes the hijab provides camouflage, because when people don't expect to see you dressed like that, they really actually "don't" see you dressed like that.
When we go to the mall I generally take it off. I left it on one time and felt so nervous the whole time that we only stayed a short while. I saw a friend of my mother's and was walking around so nervously and darting around so she wouldn't see me that I'm sure someone thought I must be shoplifting, lol.
When we go to the park it's always on, although sometimes I get nervous and look down because obviously that "hides" me.
When we go to the "big city" i.e. the state capital it is always on. Odds of running into someone are slim and I think the risk is worth it. Because I really do -want- to wear hijab.
When we go to Babies R Us I leave it on. At Christmastime this was an issue because of all the shoppers. I darted in and out of aisles to avoid a number of people I known that day. There is a girl from my classes who works at BRU and saw me one day. She ignored it, and well, I frankly don't care what she thinks anyway.
I wear it bowling. I saw someone from my education classes there one night. As in someone I spent 3+ hours with a day. She seemed a bit freaked when she realized it was me. And neither of us spoke to each other (at the bowling alley). The next day when we were working together on a group project it didn't come up. Now, over a year and many many hours together later...it still hasn't come up.
I wore it to the eye doctor to pick up my contacts. The lady recognized me and didn't comment. They've seen my husband so they probably think it's something I'm doing for him. Oh well.
I WANTED to wear it to my son's doctor appointment this week. It was just my brother and I at home so I was brave and put it on in a Spanish/pirate style so it wouldn't seem so overtly "Muslim." (My family still hasn't told my bro). Nevertheless, even spanish style my brother called me "burqa girl." I took it off so he wouldn't squeal to the 'rents, but put it back on it the car.
Get this, when I got to the doctor's office, though, my HUSBAND had me take it off. He told me he hated the style and that it was pointless because my neck and ears and small hairs were still showing.
Now, I was very self-conscious about the style. I felt I looked more chemo than Muslim, so I took it off without a fight. With that being said, though, shouldn't he have supported my attempt to be covered, instead of pointing out all the ways he didn't feel it was "proper?" Grr.
One more story, that's it, I promise. For our anniversary, hubby and I went out to Olive Garden with our son. I saw someone I knew, and I saw her stare at me for a long time. I ignored her, like, as in, "I'm not Nikki. I'm some Muslim woman who resembles Nikki." riiiight. Anyway, she obviously noticed me. Turns out she is in the college of nursing with my cousin. Talking to my cousin in the car one night (just us) I was being more open about my acceptance of Islam (not for myself, but as a valid path to God). She told me all about this Muslim man in her class who explained to her the difference between a burqa, niqab, abayat, hijab, etc. A little later in the conversation, she says "Did you go to Olive Garden recently?" I was like, "yeah." She then went on," well, my friend from nursing says she saw you there with (your son) and (your husband). She said you were wearing a burqa." Flustered, I respond with, "must have not been me." She goes on, "I told her I didn't think you wore it, but then again I don't know what you wear when you're out." THIS IS THE POINT IN THE STORY WHERE I SHOULD'VE COME CLEAN. She seemed fairly open to the idea of covering. Instead I laugh it off and say, "I don't even own a burqa, and if I did, I wouldn't want to wear it out." WHICH, in my defense, is ENTIRELY true. I personally think burqa's are gross and demeaning. I should have clarified, though, that it was me, but I was wearing a tunic, pants, and a scarf, NOT an actual burqa.
*sigh* I'm sure she totally knows I lied.
And that, my blogging friends, is just a number of my hijabi tales from my less than one year of being a Muslim. I'm sure as I come to cover more and more often, I will have a number of other stories to share. Hopefully all experiences will go without confrontation. The group I'm most worried about is the branch of my family that's not conservative at all, and then the opposite group, the elders of the church I was raised in. Only time will tell. Insha'Allah the reactions will not be too severe.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Random
I don't have pierced ears.
I never really wanted pierced ears.
And now I'm seeing all of these beautiful earrings and thinking, "hmm, it might be nice to have pierced ears."
BUT, as a hijabi in training, lol, and insha'Allah a full time hijabi soon....I feel pierced ears are a bit pointless. With a 15 month old son, I'm much more likely to be wearing sweats and a hoodie around the house than a dress and earrings. When hubby and I do get time alone together, well, clothing isn't really a concern if you get my drift.
I probably will never get it done. Just a passing thought, I guess.
I never really wanted pierced ears.
And now I'm seeing all of these beautiful earrings and thinking, "hmm, it might be nice to have pierced ears."
BUT, as a hijabi in training, lol, and insha'Allah a full time hijabi soon....I feel pierced ears are a bit pointless. With a 15 month old son, I'm much more likely to be wearing sweats and a hoodie around the house than a dress and earrings. When hubby and I do get time alone together, well, clothing isn't really a concern if you get my drift.
I probably will never get it done. Just a passing thought, I guess.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Spoke Toooo Soon
We had been "reaction" free since our hospital visit in October, when we removed everything but 6 fruits, breastmilk, and neocate from my son's diet.
Since they prescribed medicine for delayed gastric emptying, they dismissed my FPIES hunch and told us to start introducing new foods again.
3 days apricots went okay. Although now I think foods need to be trialed more than 3 days...so we actually started apricots again today.
3 days strawberries went okay.
3 days tomatoes went alright...although he was pretty grumpy, but maybe he caught my cold or maybe it was those darn teeth of his coming in.
3 days of green beans...oh wait, we didn't get through 3 days of green beans. Green beans, which he had eaten successfully prior to his hospitalization and extremely restricted diet, now, it seems, make my son sick. Green beans made him lethargic and out of it.
To me this just proves FPIES all over again, because it's normal for reactions to develop with time and exposure. Therefore, in the past, green beans may have given him a bit of a stomach ache, but there was no visible reaction for us to see. Now, we can see him visibly get lethargic and kind of "out of it." If we kept feeding him green beans (which we aren't going to do) he could possibly end up having a reaction as bad as that one in October which was TERRIFYING.
Anyway, I was upset enough about Friday's green beans scare, but Saturday and Sunday were also quite trying.
Saturday my son threw up 5 times. I don't know if it was a reaction, or if he was actually sick, because I couldn't trace it to any particular food, although he could very easily have picked something up off of the floor. My husband insisted on taking him to the ER, I doubted their ability to be of any help, but I agreed because he just looked so awful.
They weren't hepful. I won't even elaborate because that really says it all. We could have taken better care of him at home ourselves.
Aaaanyway, they weren't helpful, but our son kind of snapped out of it and ate breastmilk prior to leaving so we were no longer worried about dehydration since he started keeping stuff down.
On Sunday and Monday he had -horrible- constipation. Like, every bowel movement was accompanied by horrible screams, sometimes for up to 3-5 minutes. We'd lay him on his stomach on the floor and rub his back until he felt better. SO hard to watch him in pain like that. AND, it happend like 5 times in one day.
Ugh. So, today he's been doing better. No screaming, no throwing up. We're back to the original 6 fruits + apricots. Waiting to hear from the GI doctor for a follow up appointment time.
Motherhood is hard. It's exhausting to care about another person this much.
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12 lesson plans due Friday. :(
Since they prescribed medicine for delayed gastric emptying, they dismissed my FPIES hunch and told us to start introducing new foods again.
3 days apricots went okay. Although now I think foods need to be trialed more than 3 days...so we actually started apricots again today.
3 days strawberries went okay.
3 days tomatoes went alright...although he was pretty grumpy, but maybe he caught my cold or maybe it was those darn teeth of his coming in.
3 days of green beans...oh wait, we didn't get through 3 days of green beans. Green beans, which he had eaten successfully prior to his hospitalization and extremely restricted diet, now, it seems, make my son sick. Green beans made him lethargic and out of it.
To me this just proves FPIES all over again, because it's normal for reactions to develop with time and exposure. Therefore, in the past, green beans may have given him a bit of a stomach ache, but there was no visible reaction for us to see. Now, we can see him visibly get lethargic and kind of "out of it." If we kept feeding him green beans (which we aren't going to do) he could possibly end up having a reaction as bad as that one in October which was TERRIFYING.
Anyway, I was upset enough about Friday's green beans scare, but Saturday and Sunday were also quite trying.
Saturday my son threw up 5 times. I don't know if it was a reaction, or if he was actually sick, because I couldn't trace it to any particular food, although he could very easily have picked something up off of the floor. My husband insisted on taking him to the ER, I doubted their ability to be of any help, but I agreed because he just looked so awful.
They weren't hepful. I won't even elaborate because that really says it all. We could have taken better care of him at home ourselves.
Aaaanyway, they weren't helpful, but our son kind of snapped out of it and ate breastmilk prior to leaving so we were no longer worried about dehydration since he started keeping stuff down.
On Sunday and Monday he had -horrible- constipation. Like, every bowel movement was accompanied by horrible screams, sometimes for up to 3-5 minutes. We'd lay him on his stomach on the floor and rub his back until he felt better. SO hard to watch him in pain like that. AND, it happend like 5 times in one day.
Ugh. So, today he's been doing better. No screaming, no throwing up. We're back to the original 6 fruits + apricots. Waiting to hear from the GI doctor for a follow up appointment time.
Motherhood is hard. It's exhausting to care about another person this much.
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12 lesson plans due Friday. :(
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