My mom's sarcoma was removed completely in surgery on Tuesday. She has an orange sized whole under her shoulder that goes as deep as the muscle and bone. They say it should heal fairly well and then she can look at plastic surgery options if it does not fill out enough. I can't express how thankful I am that she does not have to undergo any radiaton or other cancer treatments. They were worried that they would not be able to remove it all but it was good news.
Alhumdullilah, alhumdullilah, alhumdullilah.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Monday, April 18, 2011
Why I Wear Hijab (when I do...which I wish was always)
So awhile back I asked for readers to share reasons for wearing hijab that might be acceptable to agnostic and atheist friends of mine. While I got some great responses, I still was at a loss as to what to tell my friends. Then it dawned on me: the truth! So, I dug into what it means to me personally to wear hijab, and told them the truth, regardless of whether it would convince them of it's validity/change their perception. I thought I'd share what I wrote here, because it was a real awakening for me.
I didn't mean to ignore your question! I wasn't really sure how to answer, so then I just kept putting it off. Women wear it for very different reasons. Ranging from "because God said so/it's in the Quran" to "it's nice to be identified as a Muslim" to "it's a feminist statement that makes people judge me by my intelligence rather than my body/hair..." To be completely and totally honest with you, I wear it (when I do) for a variety of reasons, some of them I'll be the first to admit are not the "right" ones. I'd like to be able to say, "I wear it because God wants me to." But, the Quran is obviously translated, and depending on which translation you read, the headscarf is either a) required b) required + covering your face is required (which most people do not believe is true) c) not required or d) not required AND doing so is actually wrong, because you are "adding" to the religion. Ugh, right? So, I wear it because I think maybe, God wants me to, and it's better to be on the safe side, right? I dunno. Sounds weak, even to me.
Another reason, this one possibly worse than the first, is (my husband)'s family. They understand that I struggle with it here in America and with my family, but they take it for granted that I believe in Quran tranlsation (a) (see above). I fear that I would come across as arrogant if I were to be like, "no, I think God actually meant (c or d)," when I am so new to the religion and they were raised that way, etc. etc. This is an AWFUL reason but it's there nonetheless.
The third reason, and one I'm most comfortable with, is because I like it. I do. I first put it on before becoming Muslim just to go to an Islamic event with (my husband). In my mind, all Muslim women looked the same once putting on the scarf, but when I looked in the mirror, I still saw me...and I saw myself as beautiful. Since then, I've come to see the beauty in people wearing the scarf, and the different ways they wear it and express themselves. Muslim women no longer look to me like one big scarved community. I've always enjoyed dressing feminine and am actually loving wearing maxi skirts all summer long. They're sooo comfy. I do miss capris at times, and short sleeves. Also swimming...they make Islamic swimsuits, but let's just be honest and call them ugly....I'm still trying to find a way that I can swim without uncovering and without looking ridiculous. Where there's a will....? But on the whole I do like it. When putting together an outfit in my mind now there's always a scarf that goes with it (I have way too many, kind of like shoes...). When I am with my parents and have to go without the scarf that usually accompanies my ensemble, I feel like I'm not totally put together. I also enjoy being recognized as a Muslim because I feel like I can help counter the images shown on t.v. I'm a Muslim, yes, and a covered one, yes, but I can still play with my son at the park, go to school and/or work, go bowling (and beat my husband), go here, there, and anywhere really. (aside from like, a bar, I guess, but I never went to one pre-Islam, so...not a loss). I like it when I open my mouth and shock people that a) I know English b) I am educated and c) I've got a sense of humor.
The theology behind Islam was easier for me to accept than the dress code. I basically already believed that way, just didn't label it so. I went gradually, though, wearing only long pants/skirts the first summer (2009), to wearing only 3/4 or long sleeves last summer (2010), to hopefully wearing only long sleeves this summer (we'll see...) and I'd love to add the scarf...but, I'll be in Indiana...so....:/
Also, another +++ to wearing hijab is that I can go out in public with greasy hair and NOBODY KNOWS!!!! It is wonderful when you're short on time...
My friends responses were all very positive. I even attached a photo of me in hijab (the one I shared on the blog recently) so they could see that I'm still very much me. I'm glad I was so honest with them. Sometimes I think I overwhelm them (and others) because they ask for a simple response and I go overboard. A lot of issues are complex though and don't have straightforward answers.
I didn't mean to ignore your question! I wasn't really sure how to answer, so then I just kept putting it off. Women wear it for very different reasons. Ranging from "because God said so/it's in the Quran" to "it's nice to be identified as a Muslim" to "it's a feminist statement that makes people judge me by my intelligence rather than my body/hair..." To be completely and totally honest with you, I wear it (when I do) for a variety of reasons, some of them I'll be the first to admit are not the "right" ones. I'd like to be able to say, "I wear it because God wants me to." But, the Quran is obviously translated, and depending on which translation you read, the headscarf is either a) required b) required + covering your face is required (which most people do not believe is true) c) not required or d) not required AND doing so is actually wrong, because you are "adding" to the religion. Ugh, right? So, I wear it because I think maybe, God wants me to, and it's better to be on the safe side, right? I dunno. Sounds weak, even to me.
Another reason, this one possibly worse than the first, is (my husband)'s family. They understand that I struggle with it here in America and with my family, but they take it for granted that I believe in Quran tranlsation (a) (see above). I fear that I would come across as arrogant if I were to be like, "no, I think God actually meant (c or d)," when I am so new to the religion and they were raised that way, etc. etc. This is an AWFUL reason but it's there nonetheless.
The third reason, and one I'm most comfortable with, is because I like it. I do. I first put it on before becoming Muslim just to go to an Islamic event with (my husband). In my mind, all Muslim women looked the same once putting on the scarf, but when I looked in the mirror, I still saw me...and I saw myself as beautiful. Since then, I've come to see the beauty in people wearing the scarf, and the different ways they wear it and express themselves. Muslim women no longer look to me like one big scarved community. I've always enjoyed dressing feminine and am actually loving wearing maxi skirts all summer long. They're sooo comfy. I do miss capris at times, and short sleeves. Also swimming...they make Islamic swimsuits, but let's just be honest and call them ugly....I'm still trying to find a way that I can swim without uncovering and without looking ridiculous. Where there's a will....? But on the whole I do like it. When putting together an outfit in my mind now there's always a scarf that goes with it (I have way too many, kind of like shoes...). When I am with my parents and have to go without the scarf that usually accompanies my ensemble, I feel like I'm not totally put together. I also enjoy being recognized as a Muslim because I feel like I can help counter the images shown on t.v. I'm a Muslim, yes, and a covered one, yes, but I can still play with my son at the park, go to school and/or work, go bowling (and beat my husband), go here, there, and anywhere really. (aside from like, a bar, I guess, but I never went to one pre-Islam, so...not a loss). I like it when I open my mouth and shock people that a) I know English b) I am educated and c) I've got a sense of humor.
The theology behind Islam was easier for me to accept than the dress code. I basically already believed that way, just didn't label it so. I went gradually, though, wearing only long pants/skirts the first summer (2009), to wearing only 3/4 or long sleeves last summer (2010), to hopefully wearing only long sleeves this summer (we'll see...) and I'd love to add the scarf...but, I'll be in Indiana...so....:/
Also, another +++ to wearing hijab is that I can go out in public with greasy hair and NOBODY KNOWS!!!! It is wonderful when you're short on time...
My friends responses were all very positive. I even attached a photo of me in hijab (the one I shared on the blog recently) so they could see that I'm still very much me. I'm glad I was so honest with them. Sometimes I think I overwhelm them (and others) because they ask for a simple response and I go overboard. A lot of issues are complex though and don't have straightforward answers.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
A List
Reasons I Think My Mother-in-Law Now Accepts Me Despite the Fact that I'm American:
1. She no longer tells my husband to marry a nice Saudi girl instead of me. She now jokingly tells him to marry one in addition to me so that she can have more grandchildren.
2. She insists that I live with them for the month that they are visiting this summer (MIL, FIL, and 14 year old SIL) despite the fact that my husband will be 13 hours away in Minnesota and I could easily stay 30 minutes away at my parents house and drive to see them frequently.
3. She has suggested I remove my IUD and start having more babies. I would love another baby, but it's not happening anytime soon unless dear MIL is prepared to start paying our bills and renting us a larger place.
4. She keeps buying me lingerie.
Okay, now that the list is compiled, I think it all boils down to one thing.... She accepts me because she has to in order to have access to her grandson and the subsequent grandchildren she is impatiently waiting for. :) Please don't take this list to seriously, while it is all true, it was meant in good fun. I do believe my MIL and I have as good of a relationship as can be expected for two people with a giant language, culture, and geographical barrier.
1. She no longer tells my husband to marry a nice Saudi girl instead of me. She now jokingly tells him to marry one in addition to me so that she can have more grandchildren.
2. She insists that I live with them for the month that they are visiting this summer (MIL, FIL, and 14 year old SIL) despite the fact that my husband will be 13 hours away in Minnesota and I could easily stay 30 minutes away at my parents house and drive to see them frequently.
3. She has suggested I remove my IUD and start having more babies. I would love another baby, but it's not happening anytime soon unless dear MIL is prepared to start paying our bills and renting us a larger place.
4. She keeps buying me lingerie.
Okay, now that the list is compiled, I think it all boils down to one thing.... She accepts me because she has to in order to have access to her grandson and the subsequent grandchildren she is impatiently waiting for. :) Please don't take this list to seriously, while it is all true, it was meant in good fun. I do believe my MIL and I have as good of a relationship as can be expected for two people with a giant language, culture, and geographical barrier.
Friday, April 15, 2011
A Conversation
Scene: Me, sitting on the floor in a low cut black shirt with sequined neckline and hot pink capris, using my laptop. Husband, sitting on couch in p.j.'s using his ipad.
Husband: Raises eyebrows suggestively. "You are looking good. to.day!"
Me: "Thanks."
Husband: "Wait, aren't you fasting today?"
Me: "Yes."
Husband: "Then why the heck are you dressed that way! Put on something ugly like you usually wear!"
Hee hee. I love it. I take offense that he calls my high school t-shirts and sweatpants ugly, lol, but I found the conversation really funny. When I got dressed this morning, I was just trying to find something to go with the comfy pink capris without emptying the whole drawer. This was the shirt on top... He seems to think I go through a much greater thought process when getting dressed in the morning.
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BY THE WAY!!!! Our immigration interview was Monday and hubby's permanent residency card should be arriving within 3 weeks!! Alhumdullilah, alhumdullilah!!!!! We'll have to renew in two years, of course, but this is fantastic!
Husband: Raises eyebrows suggestively. "You are looking good. to.day!"
Me: "Thanks."
Husband: "Wait, aren't you fasting today?"
Me: "Yes."
Husband: "Then why the heck are you dressed that way! Put on something ugly like you usually wear!"
Hee hee. I love it. I take offense that he calls my high school t-shirts and sweatpants ugly, lol, but I found the conversation really funny. When I got dressed this morning, I was just trying to find something to go with the comfy pink capris without emptying the whole drawer. This was the shirt on top... He seems to think I go through a much greater thought process when getting dressed in the morning.
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BY THE WAY!!!! Our immigration interview was Monday and hubby's permanent residency card should be arriving within 3 weeks!! Alhumdullilah, alhumdullilah!!!!! We'll have to renew in two years, of course, but this is fantastic!
Sunday, April 3, 2011
I wish....
I had the courage to post this as my profile picture on facebook. I hate being represented by random pictures of pets, slippers, and current events. I want to say, "hey, this is who I am now...love it or shove it."
But I don't have the courage. :( Soon, insha'Allah.
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