Teething?

My son has been super clingy these past 4 days. He's generally very independent, so it's a real change for him.

Also, the past two nights have been just terrible. He has always gotten up to eat at least twice during the night, but these past two he's been up multiple, multiple times. I was too much of a zombie to even count last night but i know the night before he woke me up 6 times before 4 o'clock in the morning. Instead of waking up refreshed, I wake up feeling like I've been hit by a train. He eats every 3 hours...for awhile I got a 7 hour break at night but that stopped again some time ago. But the past two nights he's woken me up sometimes so often as every half hour....I know he's not hungry, I know he's not dirty/wet, and I know he's not constipated.

So he MUST be teething, right? Please? lol, I HAVE to find a reason for this because if there is a clear reason, then there is a clear end, thus, a light at the end of the tunnel. I've broken down and given him tylenol both nights, as well. Last night at 5 am and the night before at 6 am. I don't know if that's proper, but I was running low on patience and high on stress and had to give something a try. He'd calm down in my arms (and be asleep the whole time he's screaming and crying) but then if I'd try to place him back in his crib it started all over again.

Please let this be teething and not just a new trend in his sleeping patterns.

Any advice?

Interesting Article!

Here is the link.

What do you sisters think? Do you admire her for taking the initiative to see what it's like 'on the other side?' Or are you offended that she has been posing as a Muslim for a year without being a true believer?

I am ashamed to say that at first I was a little put off. Then I realized that I wore hijab out with my husband before really being interested in Islam just to see what it was like to be the minority. Now living as the minority, I almost judged those trying to better understand! I'm glad Allah allows me to see my own mistakes and prevented me from being judgmental.

Disagreements

I've had a blog for less than a month and already I've noticed sister's arguing over differences of opinion. I'm guilty. I admit. These are, of course, our own blogs so we're entitled to write about our own opinions. But when a sister writes her opinion as though it's the only opinion, I usually step in and comment just to make them aware that some people do feel differently, but that makes them no less Muslim.

I'm just writing this as a type of disclaimer...I apologize (in advance to some) if any of my comments make you feel that I'm attacking you, your personal convictions, or your character. I do not EVER mean to make any fellow sister feel that way! Please take any comments from me as just that, my passing opinion on a matter. I mean nothing personally if I differ in opinion from you...I'm sure you're still a great person and I know you are striving to please Allah just as we all are. I am no religious scholar....but remember, neither are you. AND religious scholars differ in opinion all the time, so of course we who are less educated will most likely differ even more.

Just my thoughts. I hope I made sense.

Ma'alsalamah

Defending Islam

As I was researching Islam, I stumbled upon a variety of websites, many of them anti-Muslim. Part of my realization that I was a Muslim myself came from the fact that I constantly found myself needing to defend Islam. I was fighting for a faith that I hadn't yet fully adopted. And I was disagreeing with Christians sometimes while still considering myself one. One particular site that I left my mark on was: http://www.30-days.net/islam/issues/i-married-a-muslim/ It's a site encouraging Christians to pray for Muslims, which is not a bad thing in itself. I am going to copy and past my comments and their replies here on my blog. Enjoy. :)

(on this site I am Nicole)

Maya says:

26 July, 2009 at 8:44

Marhaba Emily

I’m sure the following thoughts would’ve crossed your mind at some point but hey- I’m gonna say it anyway!

1. Your marriage wasn’t a mistake- mistakes never happen.. not with God around! This is God’s way of calling to you:

(a) I mean your husband deciding to practice Islam shows that he has been having an internal struggle or he’s been guided to do so.. you don’t just wake up one day and decide to practice.. there’s something beyond that- an inspiration. You wouldn’t have had your faith rekindled in Christ if it weren’t for him becoming serious with Islam. Thank God for that!

(b) God is preparing you all- your whole family actually! First he calls on a believer so she can be an example for the rest.. A man is the head of the house, yes, but a woman is its neck Your prayers are heard and everything is in accordance to God’s plan.. You’ll gently guide him to the right direction with the help of God. Your husband has to feel and see for himself, the difference. He’s logical, he’s all that. He’s getting to understand how Islam is about struggling and oppressing (no offense to any muslims here) and how Christianity is about embracing.. He needs to see and feel the difference for himself and that he’ll do soon.. keep praying and have faith! God works in mysterious ways and thats the fun of it all! Thank God for preparing you and your family.. thank Him, knowing that everything is in accordance to His plan and ask Him to reveal Himself to your husband

(c) Don’t worry about your daughter.. everything is in accordance to God’s divine plan for you all Know and trust that in your heart.. Peace isn’t the absence of war- it is living in the presence of God

You keep well now and do continue praying.. I’ll pray for y’all too

Salaam Elmassieh7 Ma3aake!
- Maya
mayouches

Reply

Nicole says:

26 July, 2009 at 6:45

I know you may have meant no offense to Muslims…but how can I not be offended when someone in ignorance calls my religion oppressive? I was raised Christian so I am a convert to Islam….would I have chosen an oppressive religion for myself? Again, I know you mean no offense, but don’t talk about things that you have no authority to talk about. Have you ever lived as a Muslim? If so, then I apologize and you are allowed your opinions, but if not, then please let those of us with firsthand experience share about our religion. What do you find so oppressive? Our modest clothing? Our right to own property? Our right to stay home and raise our children and have our husbands be the sole provider of the family? Our right to forgo this previous right and work outside of the home if we view it as a want or a necessity? Our right to an education?

I’ve been a Christian. And although Christians don’t often practice the Bible word for word, if they did, you’d probably find yourself oppressed.

Old Testament
“And a man will choose…any wickedness, but the wickedness of a woman…Sin began with a woman and thanks to her we all must die” Ecclesiastes, 25:18, 19 & 33.
“And I find more bitter than death the woman, whose heart is snares and nets, and her hands as bands: whoso pleaseth God shall escape from her; but the sinner shall be taken by her.” Ecclesiastes 7:26

New Testament
1 Timothy 2:11-15:”A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent…”
Ephesians 5:22-24: “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife…wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”
1 Corinthians 14:34-35: “…women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the Law says, If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church.”
1 Corinthians 11:7-9:”For a man…is the image and glory of God; but woman is the glory of man. For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; neither was man created for woman but woman for man. For this reason, and because of the angels, the woman ought to have a sign of authority on her head.” (Christian women are supposed to cover their hair as well. have you ever seen a depiction of Mary without her veil?)

I don’t like to make Islam and Christianity an “us versus them” type of deal. My family is Christian, I love them very much, and I pray that God will accept them into Heaven. But to tell this woman that the husband that she loves practices a religion of struggle and oppression is wrong. Her husband can teach her about the religion he practices. Also, to tell her that he’ll see the logic of Christianity is wrong, because only God knows the outcome of this marriage. I once thought that it was my place to make my husband see the “difference.” Make him see how Christianity was far superior….but instead I found that I was at fault!

And also, you said Islam is about struggle like that is a bad thing? Islam is about struggling in the sense that if we are given a struggle in life, we are to accept it as Allah’s will and use it to improve our faith; I don’t see how this is any different than Christianity, though, and can’t figure out why this would be seen negatively.

Reply

Pieter Pretorius says:

26 July, 2009 at 9:14

Nicole,
You say you have made a study of Islam. Then perhaps you can help me answering the following question as men can’t give an answer to it.
For the men the virgins await him in paradise when he dies, if Allah accepts him, but what are there for the women?
Thank you.

Reply

Nicole says:

Your comment is awaiting moderation.

27 July, 2009 at 12:44

I don’t know why people think this ‘virgins in paradise’ argument proves Islam false. For one thing, the ‘72 virgins’ we often hear about in the media is not found anywhere in authentic Islamic sources. You can read about this discrepancy in the following two links:

http://ramadan4u.blogspot.com/2007/09/72-virgins-myth.html
http://www.islamonline.net/English/News/2001-08/25/article5.shtml

I suggest you read the Qur’an for yourself if you really want to know what is said about paradise.

For your convenience, though, here’s a link to an Islamic source discussing what can be found in Paradise. Who better to ask about Islamic Heaven than a Muslim, right? Please stop believe everything you read or hear. America is full of Islamaphobes.

Reply

Nicole says:

27 July, 2009 at 12:50

sorry…i forgot the link: http://www.islamreligion.com/category/60/

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Nicole says:

28 May, 2009 at 2:20

My story goes a bit differently. I married a Muslim, as a Christian who had only ever missed church on 3 or 4 Sunday’s since birth (not exaggerating). I questioned whether our relationship was right in God’s eyes, but it caused both of us to become more religious, and we both loved and respected each other, so it seemed good. I prayed and prayed that he would come to Christ. Then our son was born. We had previously agreed to teach our son about both faiths with him being allowed to choose when he was of age. This broke my heart, though, as it did my husbands, because we both truly felt it wasn’t a choice of culture, but of salvation.

For this reason, I set out to prove Islam wrong. I researched and researched, looking for the evil in Muhammed, and what his true motives were, because the Qu’ran could not be from God!

When my research turned away from propaganda sites set on painting Islam as ugly and Satanic, and turned to actual valid Islamic sources, I was so surprised by what I found.

For months I read everything I could on Islam and Christianity…from “The Case for Christ” to “Prophet Muhammed: A Mercy to the World.” And again and again, it was Christianity which came up short! This was NOT what I wanted to find. Christianity was my life, I taught VBS, counseled at church camp, was the daugther to two Sunday school teachers, played Christmas music NONSTOP starting the day after Thanksgiving, etc. (alright, so Christmas music doesn’t make you religious….but still)

But it happened. I found Muhammed to be a true prophet of God. The Qu’ran is revelation from God, and the Bible holds wisdom and inspiration from God, but ultimately, it’s a book written by man. What’s more, were the Bible to be 100% accurate, it still never paints the picture of the trinity that the Christian church is based on today. It broke my heart to find that I’ve spent my life following man made doctrine, but now alhumdu lilah I’ve found the direct path to God.

Now I view my marriage as truly from God. I always suspected…and wrongly assumed my husband would be the one to benefit by “seeing the light.” God is much greater than we could ever imagine, though, and although it was hard for me to come to terms with the truth I had found, I was and will always be grateful to God for leading me past the propaganda and media portrayal to the true beauty of a relationship with God through the revelation sent to Muhammad (pbuh).

I do not feel I have “denied” Christ. I feel I’m finally following the monotheism he truly preached. I feel Jesus would be proud of me for seeing past my comfortable circumstances and become even more like Jesus. I loved teaching Bible School, and still wish to spread the love of God, although this time I hope to do it by teaching at the Islamic School I plan on sending my son to.

i did a 180, and I’ve been where you ladies are, and I know what you will think of my decision. Do your research, though. Read Christian sources on Christianity and Islamic sources on Islam. What you find may surprise you.

May God bless you all.

Ma’alsalamah

Reply

ylrihs says:

28 May, 2009 at 10:02

Necole, read your Bible and you will know the truth!
Jesus is the only way the truth and the life,no man comes unto the father except tru him…the Bible comes first so, read it and ask the Holy spirit to reveal to you what’s the truth! God bless!!!

Reply

Nicole says:

28 May, 2009 at 6:07

Thank you for your concern, ylrihs. As I said, I’ve been on the other side of things and know the feeling of wanting to “save” Muslims. But that being said, I have read the Bible, cover to cover. Now whenever I read the Bible it’s glaringly obvious to me that Jesus continually talked about the oneness of God, and the greatness and goodness of the Father – he never talked about himself in such respects, quite the contrary!

If Jesus prayed to God, and Jesus IS God…..? What? If Jesus is the ultimate intermediary between we sinners and God, and Jesus IS God, …we’re using God to get to God, which just doesn’t make sense. And finally if Jesus IS God, and Jesus was crucified on the cross…God was crucified. I don’t know about you, but I cannot say that comfortably. If you truly believe in the trinity, then anytime you talk about Jesus, ultimately you could substitute it with the word God. But that does not work! God did not die, God did not eat, God did not cry, and God was certainly not born….if you can sit comfortably with these statements (omitting the ‘not’) then I commend you for your faith in the incomprehensible. I, though, choose to put my faith in the logical monotheism that gives God the due respect as well as views Jesus in a very favorable light as a great prophet and MAN of God.

Even if no man comes to the father, but through Jesus, I’d like to believe I’m still covered. The verse doesn’t state that no one comes to the father but by believing Jesus is divine and ultimately is one with the father….

Again, I thank you for your kindness and concern. I think I’m beyond the point of ever seeing the truth in Christianity again, though. I’ve often thought, “if something happens to my husband, what would become of my newfound Muslim faith?” Obviously, it’d be so much easier to go back to Christianity. Easier due to family support, and easier because obviously remarriage would be easier to accomplish with a Christian man (not a lot of Muslims where I live). But even if my husband were not in the picture, I can no longer accept the idea of a triune man-God-spirit, and a necessary human/God sacrifice in order for me to be saved. Christianity made sense to me when it was all that I knew…because there are many truths in it….but now that I’ve been exposed to TRUE monotheism (i’ve studied Judaism, as well) i cannot turn away.

Sorry for rambling on and on. I’ve just come to terms with all of this myself, and my family doesn’t yet know. I’ve got a long, hard road ahead of me, but were I to put pleasing man (i.e. my family/the rest of society) above pleasing God, then I would truly be lost.

I suggest reading the Qu’ran, I know you’re not searching, but at least familiarize yourself with what the people you are praying for truly believe. You may be surprised.

God Bless you, as well.

Reply

ylrihs says:

29 May, 2009 at 9:24

HI,
Greetings in the name of Jesus christ!

God the father send his son Jesus Christ to show us the way. He came here on earth to show us how we will glorify the father aboved. He suffered,He was tempted by satan,and the time that he is near to be crusified,he prayed until he sweat with blood,and he said,not my will but your will be done,it all turns to God.Jesus christ did everything what the Fathers’ will….God the father,the son and the holy spirit is one because they have the one purpose..that is what we call trinity, and God the father gave all the authority to the Son Jesus christ here on earth that who ever recieves Jesus Christ as his Lord and savior,he will have eternal life. He he has the power to forgive sins,and who can forgive sin? God, so they are one…he is I Am!

let me tell you about Jesus christ,in islam,he is only viewed as a prophet,only a prophet…Mohammed is bigger than him inspite of all the miracles that he did,He was born in a vergin,when he was still young,he preached,when he was baptised by john,the heavens were opened and a he saw the spirit of God descending as a dove coming upon him and behold a voice out of the heavens,saying, This is my beloved son whom i am will pleased (mathew 3:16-17), he was tempted,but refused to give in, he raised up the dead,he heals,feeds a thousand with a small basket of bread and fish, he was stoned crusified and died and after 3 days,he rise and went to the father( read mathew 27 about the miracle happened when he draw his last breath)…all this thing shows who he is…

who else we will follow….are you going to deny the teaching of a man who did all these things to an ordinary man who did not do any miracles in his life…….. I know necole that you are still searching,i know that the Lord Jesus is talking in your heart, he died because of you, He loves you so much and he don’t want you to go away from him..listen to your heart,turn to the lord Jesus and ask the Holy spirit to work into your heart.

in our situation, it is really very hard, it is easy to give up and compromise or turn away totally from the Lord Jesus, but at the end….are you assured where you will be going?Did islam assured you that you will go to heaven if you will die? ask from your heart, don’t lie to yourself, do you have peace and Joy in your situation right now?

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Emily says:

7 June, 2009 at 8:24

Hi Nicole,

I have sat on this for a while, but just wanted to write a note and thank you for sharing your heart and journey with us here. I really do believe we are on a journey and we learn as we go. I too considered Islam very seriously for a while, but could not see how sin was atoned for. I found no assurance of complete and total forgiveness in Islam. I see, in the Muslims I know, a need to do good for the sake of tipping the scale. While I strive to live a godly life, I know that no matter how much I mess up, I have complete and total forgiveness through Jesus Christ, my Lord, my Savior.

When I read the Old Testament and see the countless prophecies of One who would come to fulfill the Law and then hear the story of Jesus, a man without sin who became that atonement, I know in my heart that He is the one I want to follow. (The book of Isaiah is especially powerful and accurate!).

I appreciate your story and pray that God would continue to reveal Himself to you in very real and powerful ways… not only you, but everyone who visits this site (myself included!!). God desires us to want to know Him more, to spend all our days seeking to know Him more and have Him more and more involved in our lives. What an amazing God we serve!

Blessings to you and your family!
~Emily

Nicole says:

26 July, 2009 at 7:14

I meant to reply long ago, but got involved in other things.

I want to thank you for your kind reply. I respect your faith in Christianity, just as I respect all Christians. Some truly have a relationship with God and long to live Godly lives. I believe that God’s plan is bigger than me, and I believe that he knows our hearts and will know who to accept into Heaven, regardless of what title one chose for their walk with Him. With that being said, as you can see in my other posts, I truly do think that Islam is the “straight path” and a direct link to God. I trust that God has a plan for your family, and for mine, that He will reveal over time.

I would love to welcome you as my sister in Islam, but I know that your journey is your own and respect your decisions.

God Bless You and Yours!

Ma’alsalamah,

Nicole

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Ray says:

13 June, 2009 at 2:58

People have been making sooo many good points on Christianity, which draws me closer and closer to it, but then again there’s those who have made such good points on Islam, which slowly draws my attention to that path… Then I start to get confused when I compared the prophets. Jesus never got with any women but Mohammad married several…. Jesus never harmed anyone (nobody can take the life of another, such an act can only be done by God), but Mohammad ordered many people to be killed… Jesus preached His word by showing love for his enemies in order to show them another path/another way/a brighter side to life… Mohammad preached his word by fighting those in disbelief…. can someone correct me if I’m wrong and help me understand all of this so I can pick a path in life and move on with it…????

Reply

• Nicole says:

  14 June, 2009 at 10:04

  As one who has just chosen Islam, I don’t know how much of a position I am in to answer your question, but I thought I’d try to help since you’ve yet to receive a reply. It’s true that Jesus (pbuh) never married and was certainly never with a woman out of wedlock. That being said, God never implies that it is a sin to marry in either the Bible or the Qu’ran. Also, it cannot be said that Mohammad (pbuh), was the first prophet to take a wife, or even the first prophet to have more than one wife. The Old Testament even says that Solomon had something like 700 wives! I personally don’t believe this is true, because it also says Solomon (pbuh) worshipped false gods, and I cannot believe that a prophet of God would do such a thing, especially a prophet of God that was granted wisdom. Abraham(pbuh) is another example, he had two wives (Keturah and sarah) as well as a concubine (hagar). These are well accepted facts by Jews and Christians, yet you don’t see anyone arguing about Abraham’s prophethood. What could this be…a double standard? It’s okay for Abraham(pbuh), but not for Mohammad (pbuh)?

  It seems the area of wives is not the only area where Mohammed is held to a double standard. Sure, Jesus didn’t fight wars, but did his three year ministry (according to Christianity, some Muslims propose a longer ministry) really lend itself to such tactics? Hmm, let’s go back to Abraham, Abraham formed an army! Abraham even fought an offensive (as opposed to defensive) war, and God was pleased with him! So, Abraham can fight wars, but Mohammad cannot? Mohammad was coming from an area dominated by polytheism, Jesus was preaching to his own people (i.e. Jews) and was just elaborating/correcting what they already believed. Mohammad was placed in a different situation, thus, he had to respond in a different way. If you need more examples, you can look into David (pbuh). And if God is all love without consequences for misdeeds, what are Christians to do with the story of Noah?

  While I may be arguing for the prophethood of Mohammad, I’m not saying Jesus wasn’t great! There is so much beauty in the teachings and actions of Jesus and I DO consider myself a follower of Christ, as do all Muslims. If all prophets must be compared to Jesus to obtain a stamp of approval, though, we are left with, well, basically no one.

  To gain a better understanding of the prophet Muhammad (pbuh) and his character I suggest reading “The Prophet Muhammad a Mercy to the World” by Imam Muhammad Al-Husainy. It’s not the most in depth reference, but that’s why I was able to get through it. If you’re interested in the history of Christianity and how Jesus’ (pbuh) own words pointed to the monotheism found in Islam, I suggest you read “MisGod’ed” by Dr, Laurence B. Brown. I’m currently reading his follow-up book “God’ed” which presents a case for the divine origins of the Qu’ran as well as a case for Muhammad’s prophethood.

  If you research and come to another conclusion, I’d be interested to hear your case. From one looking for the truth to another, God bless and I pray you’ll find the right path.

  Reply
  • Ray says:

    3 July, 2009 at 2:35

    “If all prophets must be compared to Jesus to obtain a stamp of approval, though, we are left with, well, basically no one”, Nicole….. If your basically saying Jesus is above all, I wonder sometimes why we’d need another prophet after we’ve already seen the greatest… Sure Abraham did many of the same things Mohammad did, but Abraham was not the final prophet, which means he never got to witness the teachings and inspiration of Jesus. Jesus showed a better way to live and Mohammad goes back to the way of Abraham?

    Reply

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As you can see...I have been very busy on this particular site. I feel bad for never responding to Ray's last query...but I really didn't have an answer. So, if any of you can think of a sound response to Ray's last comment/question, please go right ahead and answer him! I replied to his first question because I didn't want to be guilty of missing a chance to witness and maybe losing a brother in Islam. It seems I may have said something wrong, though, because he used my own words to come to a different conclusion.

Swim Wear

Two summers ago you would have caught me swimming in a little number like this:
Last summer you would have caught me swimming in shorts and a t-shirt...because I was pregnant and didn't want to show off my protruding belly.


This summer I bought something like the following to swim in:only...well, what i bought matches, but i was just giving you a general idea. Anyway, when I bought the boardshorts and rash gaurd (like seen above) I thought i was being SUPER modest. Really I just ended up wasting a lot of money because I'm already searching for a much more modest suit. I think the super tight ones, even though they claim to be for Muslims, are not for me. I mean, if the suit is completely hugging my body, I honestly think the shorts seen above would be a better choice. For that reason, i have chosen this suit. (seen below) I'm reluctant to buy it, because I already wasted $$ on the suit above and don't want to change my mind again.

But here it is, it's from modestkini and is 50 euros, so, um, more in U.S. dollars, lol. I'm used to paying a lot for swimwear, though. And at least with this you're actually getting something for your money! (as opposed to some of the $80 bikinis I've purchased) I also think it could double as a track suit in case I wanted to ride my bike or...jog? Ha! I don't jog. But I do love my bike. Anyway...what do you think? Be honest about how you feel about its modesty, as well as its look. I don't want to buy anything ugly!

Question for Hijabis

I have a question regarding my hair and my wearing of hijab...I don't even wear it full-time, yet I'm already noticing hair breakage at my hair line (like, where i once had some tiny baby hairs I now have many more and they are longer, thus, it's only practical to believe that my hair is breaking off). I know that this must be from hijab, because I have changed nothing else about my hair care, actually I recently got my hair cut off, so my hair is much healthier than it has been for awhile because I no longer put it back in a ponytail all the time.

I wear a white cotton underscarf seen here: http://www.middleeasternmall.com/white-cotton-hijab-tube-p-1339.html

I wrap my shaylas tightly over the underscarf, but I thought that my hair would be protected by the underscarf? I don't have a blow dryer at my husband's apartment, so I often throw on my hijab over wet hair...do you think that could be the problem?

I love wearing hijab, but I feel I must be doing something wrong for this to already be happening with me not even wearing it that often. I wash my hair every other day, and sometimes daily because it gets sooo greasy sooo fast.

Any advice? Anyone shared this experience?

Ten Random Things

Someone tagged all Muslimah bloggers, which includes me, so here are 10 facts about me...

1. I looove to read and have kept a list of all of the chapter books I've read since the second grade. This list is in a notebook (titled Thick books I've Read, in barely legible second grade script). I currently have 1193 books on the list. One of those books is the Bible, which I've read in full. Insha'Allah the Qur'an will be added soon! I am working my way through it. :)

2. I started taking dance lessons when I was six and continued until I graduated from high school. I was on the middle school and high school dance teams. We competed in 8th, 9th, 10th, and 11th grades. We were state runners up my 9th grade year. In college I took both a tap and a jazz class. My last recital (the jazz one) I was around 8 weeks pregnant. Now that i have converted I have a hard time thinking about dance. I still like it very much and watch So You Think You Can Dance on TV all the time. It is hard for me to view it as wrong, something my family loved to see me do so much, and something that can show so much emotion. I don't perform in public anymore, but I do dance at home to stay in shape. Also, my sister coaches the middle school team now, so she often asks for my opinion on certain choreography that she's done and we dance around our room together. I know it is possible to love a thing that is bad for you, but this is a struggle for me.

3. I am majoring in Elementary Education and have just one year left! I also have a minor in reading and ESL. Insha'Allah one day I will get a teaching job at an Islamic school where I can send my son.

4. Today I played with Moon Shoes. The ridiculous things seen below. I asked for them many times when I was little, and my mom randomly got them for me probably four years ago (at age 17? lol) My brother has used them before, but for some reason I never did until today. Oh goodness! I certainly wasn't jumping like that girl in the advertisement! I could barely stand up! I fell down so many times, and all the while my son was sitting the grass watching me make a fool of myself. I feel that my husband feels sometimes I am immature (when I do things like this... or my love for all things Muppets), but who says motherhood means I have to lose all of my interests and cease all fun? My brother (who is 16) and I had a lot of fun with these ridiculous shoes today, and I am thankful for the time we had laughing and enjoying one anothers company.5. It is 2:40 in the morning. My son doesn't go to bed until around midnight so most of my computer time is in the very late/early morning hours.

6. I wear a size 5 and 1/2 shoe. Dress shoes often don't come any smaller than a 6. It's a cruel world.

7. I worked the same job from 2004-2008 when my son was born. At that point i quit without ever officially telling them. He was born a month early and I just stopped showing up. Hopefully this doesn't cause big problems when I need a reference in the future...

8. As I've mentioned, my son was born a month early. I was cooking supper for hubby and having weird back pains. Turns out they were contractions. My whole labor was back labor. I went natural, but my labor and delivery was 24 hours so at one point they gave me morpheme to allow to me rest, and later I got four acupuncture shots of saline in my back to relieve the pressure from his head hitting my spine. He was born and I wanted to hold him against me forever but they took him away to clean him while they stitched me up. Then I didn't see him again for OVER 5 HOURS. Boy was I mad. They took him to the NICU because he had breathing problems and didn't even tell me I could visit. i soon figured out the whole NICU schedule, which is good, because he was in there for 12 days. For 12 days I could only visit my son, I couldn't care for him myself. It was just awful to feel that these nurses knew my son better than me. It was also awful to see my son hooked up to so many monitors and things. Mash'Allah he is so strong and healthy now!

9. I taught myself to crochet last summer in anticipation of my son's arrival. I received no crocheted baby blankets when I was born so my grandmother made me one for high school graduation. I didn't want my son feel deprived as I did so I set out to make him a blanket myself. At his baby shower he got 2 crocheted blankets and one knitted one. Nevertheless I completed his blanket....3 days ago. I was done in December, but put off doing the border until July so....procrastination is my middle name. I've also crocheted hubby a scarf. Now I'm working on a cupcake scarf for one of my friends. I think it's just so fun!

10. I scrapbook and am currently 3 years behind. I pretend that I will catch up.

and lucky bonus 11. I am TIRED and don't know why I stayed up so late writing this!

I tag any one of my blog followers who haven't yet completed this.

Tusbah ala Khair

Experiences with Hijabis

So, as I already posted, I went shopping out of town in hijab over the weekend. It was a VERY big shopping center in a rather large town. I saw people from so many nationalities, speaking a variety of languages, yet I didn't see another woman wearing hijab. I must admit that I was quite disappointed to not find even ONE sister in such a large sea of people.

That night hubby took me out to a Lebanese restaurant in the state capital, though. (that sounds weird, but I'm trying not to disclose my location, yet trying to give you a feel for how big the city was) The restaurant was run by a Lebanese hijabi. When we walked in the door she said "As- salamu alaykum." My husband returned the salaam and I said "Hi." What!? Here I am in hijab, so excited to be recognized as a Muslim...and I say "hi." Ugh. At one point my husband went to the counter to ask for a refill for me. He and the woman ended up having a conversation in Arabic. I am horrible at Arabic so once we had some privacy I asked my husband to fill me in. He said that the woman had said "Are you Saudi?" He said "yes." She then said, "I thought saudi's weren't allowed to marry Americans." To which he replied, "we can if they don't know." She then asked if he made me be a Muslim. (which, to my understanding, is impossible...you can't make someone believe anything) He told her that, no, I had converted on my own. After that I noticed her treating me a bit more respectfully (not that she was rude beforehand, but there was a change).

That was my experience with a hijabi, while wearing hijab myself. In summary: missed my chance to salaam, was met with suspicion/curiousity, but ultimately accepted in the end.

My second experience, is more of a lack of experience. I was at the mall yesterday (this one being local...in the town where I go to college) with my mom and sister. I was wearing a maxi skirt and modest short sleeved top because it was very hot and would never have gotten out of the house in long sleeves without being interrogated and harassed by my parents. I was looking through some clothing racks with my sister when I saw two Muslim women approaching. One looked to be a little older than my mother and I believe the other was probably her daughter (late 20's early 30's perhaps). I saw these women and immediately wanted to talk to them. Tell them, salaam, tell them I am Muslim, too. But in my short sleeves and bare head I felt inadequate. I knew I was unrecognizable as a sister to them. To them I was just another staring face in the crowd...but really I was staring for entirely different reasons! My sister didn't really act like she noticed them, but i'm sure she did. Ever since I got first involved with my husband and especially now that i've stopped wearing shorts, my family is on constant "Muslim alert." I think they study these other Muslims so that they'll be able to catch me in the act early on if I ever show 'symptoms.' I wish I was kidding.

So for experience two I was not wearing hijab myself. In summary: wished I had the opportunity to salaam but felt it wouldn't be accepted, I was very curious and longing to be recognized as a sister, and my sister was (probably) suspicious. And in the end, we went our seperate ways without a word being said.



Insha'Allah I will soon come out to my family and become a full-time hijabi.

Friends

These are not my friends, but my friends and I did take a number of similar pictures 'back in the day.' When was 'the day,' you ask? High School, I guess. In high school I had friends to share my life with.

Presently, the vast majority of my 'friends' haven't even seen my son yet...and he's 8 months old. Those that have seen him, have only seen him once or twice; it's ridiculous. Do I blame them? Not entirely. I've always been different from them...I was the "Christian" of the group. The religious one who wouldn't 'party' in the traditional drinking/clubbing sense. This has always set me apart, but as I got involved with my (now) husband, I became even more conservative, thus, even more set apart. (also, they've become even more....immoral? sex, drugs, and alcohol in abundance it seems...one of my best friends (from high school, we've grown distant over 3 years of college) didn't even TELL me that she almost died of alcohol poisoning at a party one night. I guess they don't share their lives with me because they feel I'll judge. I've made my share of mistakes in life, though, so I've learned not to judge others. I think the Bible says something to the effect of 'who are you to point out a speck of dust in someone else's eye when there is a plank in your own.' I know the Qur'an should be my main point of reference now, but I am more familiar with the Bible, and even if it has been changed, there are still some good lessons to be learned from the teachings of Jesus.

Back to my topic...I miss having friends. I would love a good close-knit group of girlfriends that I could just call up when hubby's busy and chat away about life, love, family, and faith. I don't have that, though. I had two groups of friends in high school...the non-religious group that is now more off course than ever, and the conservative Christian group. This group was small, lol, because my high school is primarily atheist. The three friends of mine that have maintained ties (fairly well) with me since high school are from this group, though. That was always a blessing, but now...

Since I've converted to Islam I feel so uncomfortable around everyone. Like I'm living a lie every minute I converse with them and don't tell them about this wonderful discovery that affects every aspect of my life. A week or so ago we went shopping for one of their birthdays...I bought a purple hijab (i.e. scarf). They thought it was funny, because they don't realise I wear hijab when able, that I would waste my money on a scarf that I would surely never wear. (i'm famous for my lack of accesorizing, so my purchasing a scarf was quite out of character to them) At the store I was dying to try the scarf on to see if it was wide enough and not see through. But I couldn't, because it would give me away.

A different friend came over the other day. I hadn't seen her since January. She is not religious. We caught up with each other, and I mentioned how I had been going to church less. This is because I'm now uncomfortable with all of the focus on Jesus...but I didn't tell her this. I'm scared that she got the idea that I've become disillusioned with church because my parents made me go every Sunday for so many years. I think she's happy with the idea that I'm losing religion. Oh but she's so wrong! I didn't lose my religion, I just completed it. And I respect my parents for raising me to be a moral, church going, God fearing girl. I had the perfect opportunity to tell her...but I knew our relationship would never be the same, so I choked.

I want to shout it to the world...I AM MUSLIM AND PROUD. but instead I deny deny deny through my silence, and for that I am sorry. And for that I hope God can forgive me.

I don't want anyone to read this and get the idea that I regret the changes I made first for my husband, but ultimately for my faith now that I am Muslim. My faith in God comes first and my husband is an incredible best friend! I just wish that my other friends would mesh better with my new lifestyle...or maybe what I should really wish for is new friends? I feel like hubby has tons of friends while I'm left with a handful that are only available when convenient. And my handful can't even relate to me anymore because I am 1) a mother and 2) a Muslim...I have become something totally foreign and unknown.

Ugh. I sound so pitiful. I'm really not drowning in self-pity. I just get lonely at times. Why can't you beautiful ladies live next door and not half-way 'round the world?

Billions of dollars of baby clothes!

So I'm staying with my husband this weekend, as I do most every weekend. But yesterday he took us out of town to go shopping! I do love shopping, but at the same time, I hate spending money. So it was a fun, yet painful, day for me.

We spent too much money (i think), but most of what we bought was for our son. After being born premature, he has more than made up for it by already growing out of his infant carseat. He's now growing out of his 6-9 month clothes (at 8 months) so we had to buy the next size up. Hubby's all for buying 'the best' for our son, so he got spoiled with clothes from Baby Gap, Osh Kosh, Gymboree, Nike, and Carters. If it had been me shopping alone...the whole trip would have been done at Wal-Mart, lol, not even kidding. I'm just uncomfortable with a $20 pair of shorts if they're only going to last 6 months (or less at the rate we're going). I was raised to pinch pennies and treasure coupons whereas hubby apparently had a less frugal childhood.

But, putting all my money matters aside, we got some really cute stuff!

Here are some of my faves...
cowboy jammies! He wore them last night and looked super adorable!

Also, this shirt for his b-day (not till november but we bought a size up)
He also got the most adorable little Nike shoes. I think infant/toddler shoes are just too cute.

I got a great pair of white cotton pants at the Gap. They're wide leg and light weight enough to be very comfy in the summer! (yet not so thin you see my undies)

And, hubby bought me a nice dress to wear on my birthday (at home, it's not hijab friendly, lol). My b-day's not until August, but we don't go shopping together that often.

I like staying here on weekends for many reasons, of course. 1) I get to be with MY HUSBAND whom I love dearly. I wish we could live together, but alas, my parents care more for insurance 2) I get to PRAY WITH HIM...i really need to work on memorizing the prayers by myself so that if i have a free moment at home with my parents I can pray independently and 3) he always takes me out of town so that I can WEAR HIJAB without worrying about my family/friends seeing me and squealing to my parents and 4) he either takes me out or cooks me yummy HALAL food. :)

I wore hijab yesterday. Hubby asked if I noticed people looking at me funny, I replied "I actually expected more of a response than I've noticed." He seemed surprised by that. He said he did notice some people giving me looks that weren't good. I didn't notice any of those. What I did notice was people looking at me with curiosity. I held the door open for sooo many people and they all looked kind of surprised when after saying 'thank you,' I'd reply with 'you're welcome' in obviously american English...no accent here. :) I look caucasian (i'm italian/polish), but I've been told i look lebanese....so i get the feeling that people assume i'm foreign until they hear me talk, because obviously no American born female would choose this for herself! ;)I like hijab. It reminds me to be a lady, it also made me feel that by holding the door for people and by just being friendly and polite in general, I was serving the greater purpose of testifying to the American people about the character of Muslim(s), and Muslim women specifically. We as Muslim women DO have personalities, DO have self-esteem, and DO have compassion for our fellow human beings whether they share our beliefs or not. I don't know how to describe it, but it really made me feel good. I kind of felt that by outwardly showing my religion(i.e.Islam because of my hijab), any kindness I bestowed upon someone directed their attention to God or my faith in God/Allah, as opposed as directing their attention to me in particular. It's neat to think that I could make someone pause and think about faith just by opening a door for them.

Uh-oh...my son is whining for my attention... It's great to be loved, even if it is by a chunky little baby. Although sometimes it's hard to get anything done!

Ma'alsalamah, sisters!

Internet Shopping

I am an avid fan of shopping online. It's an unhealthy habit, but I keep my spending in check for the most part. I've gotten so much worse since becoming interested in Islam, though, because it's easier to find appropriate clothes online at the click of a button rather than hours of sifting through immodest clothes at the mall to come up with one shirt that may work.

Even before Islam I was a huge fan of amazon.com, though. I loooove Amazon, because I loooove to read. I also love amazon because they have free shipping on orders over $25. I ALSO love amazon because they sell children's books in Arabic. If anyone's interested, http://www.noorart.com/shop_by_age/books_baby_3_years is also a good site for Arabic and Islamic children's products.

So where was I going with this? Oh! My last order came in today. I received:


This excellent workbook for Arabic writing. I know many of the letters already and can write words that I use often, such as our names. Hubby tried to teach me once, though, and we just didn't keep it up so I never really got anywhere. I am serious about it this time, though and have already started the exercises. While I complete them I write down questions I want hubby to clear up in person.

I also received:
if you can't read the subtitle it's: Portraits of Modern American Muslim Women. I'm excited to read this books but am currently in the middle of something I received 2 months ago...
The subtitle on this one is: Experiences of American Women Choosing Islam. This one is really great. It's written by a mother who's daughter reverted 12 years ago. As well as discussing her journey to acceptance of her daughter's choice, it also contains information about other reverts that she collected in a study. I hope to give it to my mom to read once I find the courage to tell her. I think it will help her to see another mother's perspective as well as the positive impact it's had on these women's lives.

I should work for amazon, eh?

In other news, I am also reading this



as well as my English translation of the Qur'an, of course. Being from a Christian background I am more comfortable with translations than born Muslims probably are. Of course I know the Arabic is better...but i don't know Arabic, so that'd be pointless, wouldn't it? This version it the only one I found without (words written in parenthesis) that translators throw in to show 'meaning.' i don't want anyone's 'meaning' but God's, thank you very much, so i went for a direct translation without commentary. I know there are learn-ed people out there who know much more than me, but i want an unbiased Qur'an so that if I have questions I can ask and get opinions, not just say, well my Qur'an says it means this. Make sense? To me it does, at least. (an example is the parenthesis telling women to cover all but one eye to see with...come on...ONE eye, that's it?) I respect my niqab wearing sisters, but I think niqab is a choice and not mandatory. I especially don't want a male translator telling me that i have to wear a full burqa.

Goodness, it's late and the baby's in bed. Why am I up? My cousin's cooking lunch tomorrow. He's a 13 year old boy and he's cooking for the (extended) family, lol. I think it's so sweet. I also think he doesn't know what he's getting himself into!

How do you...

tell your family that you are Muslim? I am really struggling with this. So much so, that it is stopping me from living fully as a Muslim.

My parents are super conservative Christians. They're actually both Sunday school teachers, as is my sister. I know they will be so hurt and disappointed in me. This does not make me doubt my choice, but it does make it hard to tell them. I live with them because I've yet to be married in a legal sense...and they don't recognize my Islamic marriage. Even though me and my husband have a son (who they view as born 'out of wedlock') they will not allow us to live with him until the marriage is legal. They think that to do otherwise would be a sin.

I think it's more of a sin to keep a son from his father and a father from his son.

We won't be married legally until next summer. By then I'll be graduated and will lose my father's insurance anyway. (yes, my parents won't allow me to marry because I'll lose health insurance........when did marriage become more about money and benefits and less about love?)

I can't plan the wedding. Because my parents don't know that I'm Muslim. So, I either a) have to tell them ASAP so that I can plan a Muslim ceremony (that they certainly won't pay for) or b) just skirt the issue by having a secular ceremony or an unceremonious courthouse wedding.

My life is difficult at the moment.

My mom tried to feed me sausage pizza last night. Instead of telling her that I don't eat pork (and haven't for the past 8 months) I simply went to eat in the TV room claiming I just had to see America's Got Talent. (i couldn't care less about that show). While in the other room I proceeded to tear my pizza into pieces, placing them in a napkin and then throwing them away later.

I ate microwave popcorn and a spoonful of peanut butter later that night as a makeshift supper.

Today I hurriedly hid the Qu'ran under my bed twice as my mom walked in. I'm not smooth at all. She has to know something is up with me.

I cringe every time my father sings Jesus Loves Me to my son. (and that's about 5 times a day...he's trying to fight off the Islamic influences he gets from the other side of the family with Jesus songs) When I'm with my son I sing Allah Love You this you know for the Qu'ran tells you so.... I don't know if that's proper, changing the lyrics to Christian songs, but the melody does calm my son down...

My family complains when I dress modestly. You'd think, that my conservative, Christian, Sunday School teaching parents would LIKE me to dress modestly. But every day that I walk out of the house in jeans I get questioned. "Are you allowed to wear shorts?" "Why are you wearing jeans? It's melting outside!" "You're not Arab, and you're not Muslim. You don't have to dress like them." They then proceed to close the door and talk about me as though I'm not sitting in the next room.

What they don't realize is that although I leave the house in a short-sleeved shirt and jeans...I pull over a block or two away and put on a long cardigan and hijab.

I only pray when I'm at my husband's apartment. Today, at least, that was four of the five prayers, but oftentimes during the week I don't get to pray at all.

I am a Muslim in my heart and mind. I want to be a Muslim in my actions, as well.

So again I ask: How do you tell your family that you are Muslim?

I used to....

have one of these a bazillion years ago. My sophomore year of high school probably. I would sit at work typing about my boring days. No one really read it. So I switched to livejournal. Then people stopped reading that one, lol. And then I realized that privacy was nice.

So, this blog will be a bit more candid. Names may be changed to protect the innocent. ;) In fact, my name is not really Nikki. But, I am a Muslim woman, and not some creep stalking Muslimah blogs. I promise!

Anyway, I've gotta post before hubby's out of the shower. I'm not trying to hide anything from him...but i'm not quite ready for him to have access to this. I get very self conscious talking about Islam if I know he's going to read it for fear of saying something wrong. Stupid, I know.

So anyway, welcome to my blog. I'm just your average American university student....with a saudi husband and one beautiful baby boy. :)