tell your family that you are Muslim? I am really struggling with this. So much so, that it is stopping me from living fully as a Muslim.
My parents are super conservative Christians. They're actually both Sunday school teachers, as is my sister. I know they will be so hurt and disappointed in me. This does not make me doubt my choice, but it does make it hard to tell them. I live with them because I've yet to be married in a legal sense...and they don't recognize my Islamic marriage. Even though me and my husband have a son (who they view as born 'out of wedlock') they will not allow us to live with him until the marriage is legal. They think that to do otherwise would be a sin.
I think it's more of a sin to keep a son from his father and a father from his son.
We won't be married legally until next summer. By then I'll be graduated and will lose my father's insurance anyway. (yes, my parents won't allow me to marry because I'll lose health insurance........when did marriage become more about money and benefits and less about love?)
I can't plan the wedding. Because my parents don't know that I'm Muslim. So, I either a) have to tell them ASAP so that I can plan a Muslim ceremony (that they certainly won't pay for) or b) just skirt the issue by having a secular ceremony or an unceremonious courthouse wedding.
My life is difficult at the moment.
My mom tried to feed me sausage pizza last night. Instead of telling her that I don't eat pork (and haven't for the past 8 months) I simply went to eat in the TV room claiming I just had to see America's Got Talent. (i couldn't care less about that show). While in the other room I proceeded to tear my pizza into pieces, placing them in a napkin and then throwing them away later.
I ate microwave popcorn and a spoonful of peanut butter later that night as a makeshift supper.
Today I hurriedly hid the Qu'ran under my bed twice as my mom walked in. I'm not smooth at all. She has to know something is up with me.
I cringe every time my father sings Jesus Loves Me to my son. (and that's about 5 times a day...he's trying to fight off the Islamic influences he gets from the other side of the family with Jesus songs) When I'm with my son I sing Allah Love You this you know for the Qu'ran tells you so.... I don't know if that's proper, changing the lyrics to Christian songs, but the melody does calm my son down...
My family complains when I dress modestly. You'd think, that my conservative, Christian, Sunday School teaching parents would LIKE me to dress modestly. But every day that I walk out of the house in jeans I get questioned. "Are you allowed to wear shorts?" "Why are you wearing jeans? It's melting outside!" "You're not Arab, and you're not Muslim. You don't have to dress like them." They then proceed to close the door and talk about me as though I'm not sitting in the next room.
What they don't realize is that although I leave the house in a short-sleeved shirt and jeans...I pull over a block or two away and put on a long cardigan and hijab.
I only pray when I'm at my husband's apartment. Today, at least, that was four of the five prayers, but oftentimes during the week I don't get to pray at all.
I am a Muslim in my heart and mind. I want to be a Muslim in my actions, as well.
So again I ask: How do you tell your family that you are Muslim?
8 comments:
Just leave stuff around the house to let them know that you're interested in Islam (if you're not ready to tell them you've converted, then that's ok - just do it at your own pace). Make sure to leave books that discuss women's rights or something, so they'll only see something good if they flick through the book.
If you let them discover it on their own, God Willing they will talk about it with each other and have a somewhat okay attitude about it after that. If they come to you first, just say gently "It's something I've been reading to feel closer to (husband)". If you just introduce it to them lightly, they might be able to deal with a bit better.
I don't eat pork and all my family knows that but I was vegetarian for about a year before hub so they were used to no meat. My "excuse" (hate that word) at the moment is that I respect hub and his beliefs and therefore will not eat the pork. That seems to go down well, you could try that one?
And really, for how you dress - don't give them an inch with that. Dressing (and eating pork) are light decisions compared to religion so they should just ease up on you about that.
If you don't get to pray, well, I don't want to say that's okay because I don't know but just take it easy. Remember God for those five times each day instead.
But you have a son, you're married and you've converted - you've already, according to the Prophet (pbuh) fulfilled half of your religion inshaAllah by marrying. So relax a bit, you can take things as slow as you want.
I guess I wanted to ask if you were in the same religion as your hub? He's Shia right? If you are, have you found that hard? Or if you aren't was that harder for you? I'm really nosy (sp?) so forgive all the intrusive questions but yeah. Your situation sounds so similar to mine (the only difference is that we don't have children and we live in the same house) so I feel like I have to see how you deal with challenges because maybe I can learn from that I guess.
I really, really hope everything will work out for you with your family.
Ellen - I do view myself as Shia, although I probably don't know enough about either sect to truly make a knowledgeable decision. It sounds silly, but my husband would feel hurt if I was to claim Sunni'ism because he's been mistreated his whole life and might feel that I've rejected him (in a sense) as well.
Part of the reason my husband is so willing to stay in the U.S. is due to the prejudice he faced as a Shia in KSA.
Basically the people teaching me about Islam and he and his family, therefore all Shias, so it's easy for me to adopt that way for myself. Also, the Sunni sources I've read on Islam generally tend to upset me by claiming that Shia's are a heretic sect and not 'true' Islam.
With my limited knowledge, it does make sense to follow the prophet's family. I also like that they (shia) consider a lot of hadith that I am uncomfortable with as weak or unauthentic. Sunni's accept some of these that I find hard to swallow; it's nice to believe that the prophet never did certain things.
What I find the most troubling is the lack of Shia sources online and the attitude of some Sunni's. Don't get me wrong...I don't have a problem with Sunni's in general. I just have a problem with the ones who feel it's alright to attack me for inquiring about Shi'ism or the ones who feel it necessary to tell me that all Shias are 'animals' and that my husband probably didn't even tell his family about me and will leave me when he graduates.
Is this behavior really beneficial to the faith? As a new revert to Islam I'm lucky to be strong enough to ignore the poor behavior of fellow believers and continue in my faith. They could easily drive a weaker sister away.
(these experiences were on Yahoo!Answers...I asked for a Shia opinion on hadith and while i did get two or three valid answers, the rest were just shia bashers out to convince me of the evils of my husband.)
BTW - thanks for your advice! I'm really not sure how I'll handle it yet. Right now I'm just being chicken and avoiding it...but I can feel that it's going to all come to a head soon. :/
wow, well I haven´t told mine either but at least I do not live with them! insha´allah we will both be able tell our family soon.
I'm writing this from my phone so it will be short --- dooooon't go to yahoo answers. It's reeeally not a good environment. Have you tried www.shiachat.com? There's also www.al-Islam.org (I think it's dot org anyway). There's also a very good link on my profile to a centre we have here called imam Hussain islamic centre, if you click on the library tab they have some good resources.
Also - do you have an good bookstores near you? If you don't, let me know because I'm trying to get enough books to have a mini library (hehe) so I'd love to send you some.
<3
Salam sis.
I am a shia from Sweden, you are mistaken that there are not many sources for shias on the net.
The most famous is
www.al-islam.org
http://revertmuslims.com/forum/index.php?
The last page is a forum for revets like you, and most there are shias. They explain things easily aabout shiaislam. If you need more sites i got over 1000 in english alone :)
BUt i think that al islam org is the best out there..it contains all the information you need in english, arabic, farsi and god knows what other languages.
If you need anything more just tell me and i will be glad to get you contacts in the USA (new york i know some shias) who can help you out with books, information and so forth.
Thanks for the links, ladies!
Also, Ellen, I looove books and I love learning! haha, thanks for your offer, but I think my husband's got me covered in the book department. He is constantly bringing home books about everything from women, to Muhammad, to karbala, to the imamate....if anything i should offer to have him send you books, lol. I honestly haven't gotten through any of them yet. :/ If I'm ever short on reading material, though, I'll know where to find you. <3
Mashallah, Mashallaah... I envy you for all the patience you have to endure, you will be rewarded heavily INSHALLAH! I'm born Muslim so I didn't have to go through any of these struggles, but it sends smiles to my heart that someone across the miles, in a western country, born to catholic parents have seen the light in Islam.
I'd do whatever sister Ellen had said; throw hints here and there in the hope that when you've got the courage to confront them, they'd be ready to receive it. I hope they realise that whatever they believe is right, may not be right for everyone! That there is a religion out there that speaks for you and is you!
May Allah reward you for all your patience, AMEN!
As far as eating halal, there are some Christians who keep Kosher, so just show them Lev 11, and then show them Matt 5:17. Peter's vision with the animals in the sheet in Acts 10 was only meant to be symbolic and the disciples of Jesus would not have eaten pork. So I think you can get out of that one pretty easily.
As far as telling them that you are Muslim, I am a fan of the gradualism route. Leave a Quran and a Bible laying together on your bed and say you were doing comparative studies. Don't be afraid of reading books about Islam, after all, you husband is Saudi.
I don't see the problem with dressing modestly. There are Christians who wear long skirts and headcoverings that are very similar to the hijab. Some Christians are just so tied up in that "us" and "them" mentality and they want to keep you on their side.
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