What do you think of this abaya?

I am in love with this whole thing, but my husband thinks it's too "showy" for normal wear.  What do you think?  I'm the girl who wore dresses and skirts to school just because I liked to feel pretty and feminine, lol, so to me this is perfectly acceptable to wear to like, the mall.  He seems to think it's more for special occasions.

Don't be afraid to hurt my feelings.  If I'd look overdressed please let me know before I waste my money.  :)

Inspired by Ellen

So Ellen posted about how she met her husband and asked other sisters to share their stories as well.  I started to share in comment form, but quickly realized my soap opera with my husband deserved a post of it's own.  :)

So here it goes, enjoy!  I loved reliving this while writing it.  :)

My husband and I met in an art class that neither of us should have been in.  I decided the course I was taking was too hard and dropped it and switched at the last minute.  He had problems renewing his Visa so had to register/start classes late and ended up in this pointless course.  We both started class the same day, two weeks into the semester!

He sat in the front and I sat in the back.  I loved his accent when he read aloud and how bashful he was.  I was incredibly stupid and thought he was black!  A group project got us seated closer together for a couple of days.  He was gorgeous and I was not one to know about lowering one's gaze, lol, so I stared as much as I could without getting caught!

I just had to find a way to get to know him better. We were both shy, me because that's my character, he because he was Muslim and trying not to do anything wrong (you know, no dating, etc.).  I couldn't find him on facebook but found him on myspace.  His myspace told me his real name (he goes by initials) so that I could then locate him on facebook.  I didn't want to add him on both in one day because I thought that would seem stalkerish.  I waited a few days, and by then HE had added ME on facebook. :)  We would exchange comments on facebook, but then in class we would still be too bashful to speak. 

After a little while, he asked the teacher if he could permanently move his seat to the back of the room. I don't remember what his excuse was, but although our teacher didn't buy it, she still allowed him to move (much later, after witnessing us holding hands at a street fair, she told us she had been toying a bit with the role of matchmaker! lol).

We still rarely spoke.  We would both hang around packing our belongings slowly, trying to get the courage to talk to the other.  I would either follow him out of the room, or him me.  It was ridiculous and went on like this for weeks.  Finally!  Finally one day he was walking out behind me and saw as I struggled to walk the 6 blocks with a backpack, laptop, and dance bag.  He asked if I needed a ride to my car because his car was parked just feet away in the expensive pay lot. 

I took up his offer.  In retrospect, it was probably a really bad idea.  I knew little about him, at this point I even thought he was from Bahrain because that's what his myspace said, but I knew I wanted to get to know him and I got in his car and rode that marvelous 6 blocks, lol. 

I'm a nervous talker, so I rambled on for the entire ride sure that he would be scared away.  I got out at my car and we reluctantly/awkwardly said goodbye.

Sadly, our timing wasn't right and that night I had a date scheduled with another guy.  Although I knew I liked my husband, I did not really know how he felt about me, and also didn't know with the cultural/geographical differences if it was even plausible.

So, I went on this date the same night that my husband went home to his friends and told them they could never sit in the passenger seat of his car again because I had sat there!

The date was awkward, but for some reason everytime this guy called I went back.  I was not physically attracted to him, but I hadn't had much of a relationship for some time and thrived on his attention.  We got in a "relationship" (it was facebook official) two weeks before the end of the semester.

Truthfully, that relationship never should have started, but it REALLY should have ended when he moved back to his hometown for the summer.  We had no foundation to build a distance relationship on, and it was just a bad experience.  With me trying to break up, him crying, me visiting and being convinced to stay together, me breaking up, etc. in this terrible cycle.  This relationship that should have never started ended up dragging on for two months.

Meanwhile, my husband was crushed and confused because 1. I showed interest and 2. the guy I was dating was kind of a loser.  I did not make matters better, because I tried to still maintain our budding friendship and constantly asked him to have lunch with me, etc.  Basically, I wanted him but was too much of a wimp to break off my ridiculous excuse of a relationship first.  My husband went back to Saudi Arabia for the summer heartbroken.  He quit responding to my facebook comments and I sadly accepted the death of our friendship.

At some before he returned to KSA I was at the movie theater with friends dressed as a pirate complete with blue hair (I don't know that pirates have blue hair, but I wanted to use my dye) for the midnight showing of Pirates 3.  He was just leaving the movie theater with a friend (a girl! grrr) and we saw each other.  My heart absolutely stopped.  I can't imagine how hard it was for him to see me date someone else just as we were getting to know one another because just seeing him with this girl (and knowing nothing of their relationship) was enough to crush me.  I didn't show it though as I ran to  him and excitedly/nervously blabbered on about pointless crap.  It's a good thing that girl wasn't his girlfriend, because she probably would have been really ticked.  : /

Anyway, he left for KSA crushed, quit talking to me on social networking sites, and we both lived our lives.  The new semester started in August.  It was a couple of weeks into school when I was sitting in the commons with some friends (again, all guys...that's just who my friends were) when he walked in.  He was gorgeous!  I made a comment to my friends (guys, so they thought I was loopy) about that being the guy that "gave me a ride to my car!"  I was swooning a bit when I said this so they just looked on in embarrassment as I rose from our table, ran over to my husband, and hugged him.

Hugged him!?!  Where the heck did that come from?  Even at the highest point of our friendship we did not have physical contact.  And then we had a summer of not speaking.  And now I'm hugging him??  Thank goodness I didn't know about Muslims not touching girls until MUCH later or I would have been mortified. 

I hugged him, ditched my friends for a booth with him and continued to sit with him for what seemed like an eternity.  We talked about all kinds of things as I worked on my homework.  This would become a theme.  This ditching my friends for my husband thing...eventually leading to the demise of most of my friendships.  :(

Anyway, after this one rendezvous in the commons I was hooked.  I could no longer ignore how I felt about him.  I e-mailed one of my friends about him and called another friend.  I was this head over heals after our first real conversation!

After this my husband and I tried to orchestrate another meeting in the commons.  I didn't know, but he wanted to ask me out at this meeting.  (and yes, I know dating is haram but if he had asked me to marry him at this meeting I would have run far, far away).  As I said, I didn't know he wanted to ask me out.  So, I basically crushed him again.  I worked as a mentor for the university for struggling freshmen students.  One of my mentees (a guy again) ended up having lunch with me on this day that my husband had arranged our meeting.  I knew it was a bit rude to have this addition to our lunch plans, but I didn't know how to say, "hey, you can't eat with me." 

So my husband shows up.  Waves happily, lowers his wave with apprehension as he notices the guy at the table.  What was supposed to be lunch was suddenly my husband sitting down telling me he couldn't stay long.  :(  He did, however, manage to ask me out on a date in the most roundabout way possible before he left.  He didn't know what the deal was with my mentee, so he didn't want to outright ask me out, but he didn't want to miss his chance again either. Oh it was so confusing yet so cute.  "If you're ever in town on Fridays, we could, you know, do something.  That is, if you want.  And, if you're already in town."  Something a bit like that, lol.  I didn't know if we had plans or not!  Facebook messages exchanged led us to meet in the commons at 4 o'clock that Friday afternoon.  It was the first day of Ramadan 2007 and the first day of the rest of my life.

We went to the park, then to meet his friends (I wish I could still meet his friends but everyone's become much more conservative with age and children), then to the movies, and then Olive Garden after dark.  I didn't know why we were eating so late, but I was raised with supper late so didn't mind.  It was the world's longest and best first date. His friends warned him not to scare me away, but on the first date he told me he loved me and made our relationship facebook official.

With anyone else I would have been terrified, but with him I was just happy.  Happy, happy, happy.  We started spending all of our spare time together.  After a few dates he told me that he really needed to have an Islamic marriage for any of this to be alright for him religion-wise.  I was so taken with him that I agreed in September 2007.  After six months together, I became pregnant and our first (and presently only child) was born in Nov. 2008.  The two of us were legally wed in June 2010 and are still obviously together.

We've had our ups and downs, but we love each other very much.  I know the whole thing was unconventional in both the western and Islamic sense of things, but I'd do it all again in a heartbeat. 

I truly believe Allah orchestrated our meeting and even the timing of us finally coming together. I think back on this all and get butterflies just remembering how it felt to see my husband walk into the room after a summer of not speaking.  I get butterflies thinking of our walk in the park and how everything we had been afraid to say came tumbling out.  I get butterflies thinking of how he comforted me through an unplanned pregnancy even though he was just as scared. I get butterflies thinking of his face when our son came into this world.  I get butterflies thinking of him standing at the alter after not seeing each other for two weeks (his choice, and a good one, it made things so much more special) at our legal ceremony.  I get butterflies thinking of the way we sat and laughed together last night enjoying one another's company.

I love my husband.  And I am so thankful that Allah created us for one another.

When the weather starts to get warm...

I start to shop.  :/

I do not need even one more piece of clothing.  But there are so many pretty things that I don't yet own, lol.



It's a shame that I love beautiful abayas but rarely have the courage to wear them in the U.S.  I'm still hoping to be in the mid east this summer so that justifies me buying them, right? ;)

Perhaps I should pay for my passport first.

Anyone more fashion forward than me?

So, my cousin has been so kind as to select a separate bridesmaid dress pour moi, due to my desire for modesty.

The other girls are wearing the dress shown here:

And I will be wearing this dress:

I LOVE that it has a higher neckline.  At this point I probably won't be wearing hijab at the wedding, unless things drastically change before August.  So I appreciate that it's not strapless because even with a jacket you still have your whole chest out.

Anyway, I love the high neckline...BUT I don't know what type of formal jacket would look nice with that neckline?  I feel like the traditional bolero with that neckline would just be overkill.  It's August and outside, so I don't want anything too hot.  If it was more casual, I'd just wear a nice knit cardigan, but it's a wedding, and for some reason knit cardigan is not screaming wedding.

Any ideas? 

What's the Purpose of Hijab?

So /i told some friends that I'm Muslim, and they've had some questions.  They accept my choice no matter what, and they understand the whole monotheism business, but they don't understand the purpose of hijab.

I know when it comes right down to it, we wear it because Allah commanded it.  But how do you explain that to a bunch of agnostics?  I know to not even try the "protection from men" argument, because I don't even buy that.  It doesn't matter what you have on, if a man has that type of character, it doesn't matter what you have on, you are still at risk. 

To me personally, it helps me feel a sense of community with the Muslim ummah and reminds me in public that all of my actions should glorify God/Allah.  Those are very personal reasons, though, and not ones that I think they will comprehend very well.  Especially since men have no distinguishing trait (unless you count the beard) that does the same for them.

So, do any of you, hijabis, want to be hijabis, non hijabis...I don't care your background...have an answer that has worked for your non-Muslim friends/acquaintances or even agnostic/atheist friends/acquaintances?  It's easier explaining to Christians because they can see similar practice in Judaism and evidence for it even in the Christian scriptures.  But non-believers....hmmm.

I'm stumped.

And that's why she's been my best friend for 23 years. :)

Before I could even bring up the Muslim issue my cousin was already asking me if I needed a full length dress for her wedding.  I was shocked into blurting, "Did you know I'm Muslim?"  And she didn't.  She just thought I was dressing more modestly for the sake of respecting my husband's culture, and she took that into consideration when looking for bridesmaid dresses.

I love her.  Everyone deserves a friend like that.

So after I bluntly spilled the beans, we discussed, she totally didn't act like it was a big deal (which is even better than the "you know I love you anyway"...because that implies a bit of disagreement, her reaction, which was almost a non-reaction, was better than I could have ever expected/imagined from the cousin I was baptized with!)

We went on to discuss wedding plans and potty training and everything was as it should be.  Why have I been scared for over a year and a half??  What have I been putting MYSELF through?

Alhumdullilah!  Alhumdullilah!

Also, day 3 of potty training and NO POTTY ACCIDENTS!!  Poop still needs work as does bedtime, but woohooo!

I'm on a roll.

Success!

I did it!  I messaged four 'girl' friends from highschool/college and told them that I'm Muslim!  I'm also trying to recruit them to spread 'gossip' (the true kind) to help with my "coming out campaign." 

I also messaged my former best friend (a boy) and apologized for totally snubbing him the summer I was pregnant/started considering Islam.  I am now more comfortable with myself and my beliefs and believe we can be friends, although we obviously won't hang out like we used to because I have a husband and a son and would no longer hang out one on one, anyway.  Regardless, I apologized because he did nothing wrong and I actually do miss him/feel totally guilty for making him feel like crap, etc. etc. 

Yay!  Alhumdullilah!

Here's praying, insha'Allah, that the courage stays through tomorrow and I actually call my cousin and tell her!

I could also use some prayers that potty training is as successful as tonight has been on the Muslim front.  :)

Courage

I wish I had the courage to just say, "Hey, I'm Muslim." As my facebook status.  Just get it all out there and done with.

I think I'm going to message some "close" (meaning they were once close in high school) friends and tell them.  They aren't religious so I don't think they'll care all that much, anyway.  Tomorrow I'm planning on calling my cousin and telling her, seeing as how her wedding is getting closer day by day and this small tidbit of info will impact her choice of bridesmaid dress.

Once the 'important' people know, then maybe I can throw it out there nonchalantly.  I'd feel like crap having people like my cousin find out that way, though, since she's my best friend.  So, starting tonight, I'm quitting all this ridiculous hiding.

I've had this blog for two years come August and I've just been typing the same thing over and over, "when will my parents know?" (which, they have for some time) "when will  my friends know?" "when will I wear hijab?" etc. etc.

It's exhausting and unproductive, all this "wondering" but never acting.  I waste so much time going over possible scenarios in my mind.

I'm done with it.  done. with. it.



Also, I am scarcely able to read blogs anymore because homemaking, potty training, and graduate school have taken over my life.

Potty training being the most recent, and most aggressive, culprit.  :)