State to cut public school funding by $300M.
Headline of today's paper.
I'm certainly not surprised. This has been happening yearly, it seems.
Finding a job is going to suck.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Monday, December 14, 2009
You used to...
I am not going to downplay the fact that my father is upset with my conversion because he is honestly concerned for my soul. He thinks I have denied Jesus and that this will most likely condemn me to Hell. I understand the fact that he has these concerns, and I respect them, because they're done out of love.
There are some things, however, that my father is upset about, that I feel are just ridiculous. Shutterfly.com sent me a $15 gift for my son's 1st birthday. I didn't have $15 worth of recent pictures to develop, so I went back and developed a bunch of pictures from the summer of 2007. That summer I went on two trips with two of my best friends, one a family vacation in the mountains, and another to a three day Christian concert. In other words, nothing wild! Anyway, in these photos I am wearing shorts, and tank tops, and bikinis. My father looks through them, points to a rather unflattering picture of my pale self in short athletic shorts and a spandex tank top (I was a dancer, so...) and says "See, you used to wear shorts." First off, you think my conservative Christian father would be pleased that I'm dressing more modestly. Secondly, if you're trying to get me to miss shorts....pick a picture where I'm actually wearing something nice, lol.
So, my dad is hurt by my modest clothing. My dad is also hurt because my husband and I don't have a Christmas tree in the apartment, and we don't have any plans to put one up next year. Hmmm.... 1) We're both Muslim. A Christmas tree isn't high on our priority list. 2) all of my ornaments are on our tree here at home, I'm not about to buy new Christmas things.
I know the more Islamic practices I adopt the more I'm going to hear the phrase "You used to..." About my hair, my clothes, my food choices, my activities (dance, hugging the opposite sex, etc.).
I naively thought that telling my family would be the high point of my process of conversion. Not so. They still forbid me to tell my brother. We're in agreement that I will not eat pork, they've been good about that. They know I won't wear shorts, but they haven't picked up on the long sleeves only or butt covering shirts yet, and if they have they like to pretend that they haven't. When/if I decide to do only halal meats, they are going to throw a FIT. When I finally wear hijab in their presence... lol. I had hijab on in my car yesterday. My dad drove up, unexpectedly behind me. I ripped it off my head faster than I could think and tried to position it around my neck like a scarf as my dad walked to my car to talk to me. I don't know if he noticed or not. Again, he would've pretended not to even if he did notice, so who knows.
My husband was disappointed that I ripped off the hijab. I'm not ready for that confrontation yet, though. We're (my parents and I) in a fairly smooth spot right now and I don't want to rock the boat again just yet.
There are some things, however, that my father is upset about, that I feel are just ridiculous. Shutterfly.com sent me a $15 gift for my son's 1st birthday. I didn't have $15 worth of recent pictures to develop, so I went back and developed a bunch of pictures from the summer of 2007. That summer I went on two trips with two of my best friends, one a family vacation in the mountains, and another to a three day Christian concert. In other words, nothing wild! Anyway, in these photos I am wearing shorts, and tank tops, and bikinis. My father looks through them, points to a rather unflattering picture of my pale self in short athletic shorts and a spandex tank top (I was a dancer, so...) and says "See, you used to wear shorts." First off, you think my conservative Christian father would be pleased that I'm dressing more modestly. Secondly, if you're trying to get me to miss shorts....pick a picture where I'm actually wearing something nice, lol.
So, my dad is hurt by my modest clothing. My dad is also hurt because my husband and I don't have a Christmas tree in the apartment, and we don't have any plans to put one up next year. Hmmm.... 1) We're both Muslim. A Christmas tree isn't high on our priority list. 2) all of my ornaments are on our tree here at home, I'm not about to buy new Christmas things.
I know the more Islamic practices I adopt the more I'm going to hear the phrase "You used to..." About my hair, my clothes, my food choices, my activities (dance, hugging the opposite sex, etc.).
I naively thought that telling my family would be the high point of my process of conversion. Not so. They still forbid me to tell my brother. We're in agreement that I will not eat pork, they've been good about that. They know I won't wear shorts, but they haven't picked up on the long sleeves only or butt covering shirts yet, and if they have they like to pretend that they haven't. When/if I decide to do only halal meats, they are going to throw a FIT. When I finally wear hijab in their presence... lol. I had hijab on in my car yesterday. My dad drove up, unexpectedly behind me. I ripped it off my head faster than I could think and tried to position it around my neck like a scarf as my dad walked to my car to talk to me. I don't know if he noticed or not. Again, he would've pretended not to even if he did notice, so who knows.
My husband was disappointed that I ripped off the hijab. I'm not ready for that confrontation yet, though. We're (my parents and I) in a fairly smooth spot right now and I don't want to rock the boat again just yet.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Christmas
I'm celebrating it culturally and secularly, but for the first year am not celebrating it for it's religious significance (in Christianity).
It hurts to hear Christmas music and force myself to stop singing along. I still like looking at Christmas lights, and I still think our Christmas tree with all of the Hallmark ornaments from my grandmother is the coolest in town.
I bought gifts for my son, my parents, my sister, my brother, my grandparents, and my husband. I loooove finding the perfect gift for someone. And whether I'm Christian or not, I still see the value in giving and showing loved ones that I care! (of course)
I've read different opinions online. That Christmas is an "innovation" and should not be celebrated, or that if one's family is Christian it is okay to celebrate because it is a time for family.
I'm just wondering about some of your opinions. Are any of you (reverts or semi-reverts) celebrating? Do you have reservations or are you going all out?
I'm fully aware that some of you will disagree with me 100%. Feel free to share your thoughts. We're all entitled to have an opinion.
It hurts to hear Christmas music and force myself to stop singing along. I still like looking at Christmas lights, and I still think our Christmas tree with all of the Hallmark ornaments from my grandmother is the coolest in town.
I bought gifts for my son, my parents, my sister, my brother, my grandparents, and my husband. I loooove finding the perfect gift for someone. And whether I'm Christian or not, I still see the value in giving and showing loved ones that I care! (of course)
I've read different opinions online. That Christmas is an "innovation" and should not be celebrated, or that if one's family is Christian it is okay to celebrate because it is a time for family.
I'm just wondering about some of your opinions. Are any of you (reverts or semi-reverts) celebrating? Do you have reservations or are you going all out?
I'm fully aware that some of you will disagree with me 100%. Feel free to share your thoughts. We're all entitled to have an opinion.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Wedding Reception
I know, I know...you're all dying for an update on my family and my son....
and I promise, when school slows down, I will deliver. (2 more weeks until Christmas break)!
BUT, what I'm discussing today is WEDDING RECEPTION.
Saudi wedding reception.
In Michigan.
Most likely segregated.
THIS SATURDAY.
Let us look at all of the factors making me uncomfortable:
1) I've never been to Michigan.
2) I've never been to a Muslim, well, anything really.
3) I will only know my SIL if it is, in fact, segregated.
4) I don't have any idea what one wears to these things.
You all can't help with #'s 1-3, so let's focus on #4.
What do I wear? I don't own an abaya, so I will have to be hijabified at all times, even when just with the women, I assume. Will I look out of place wearing a normal shayla at this type of event? Is a tweed skirt okay? Or would it be considered too conservative for something segregated??
My, oh my. I'm really at a loss. My husband is absolutely NO help (imagine that). He's never actually seen women at these things so I guess I can't blame him, though!
Advice, please?
and I promise, when school slows down, I will deliver. (2 more weeks until Christmas break)!
BUT, what I'm discussing today is WEDDING RECEPTION.
Saudi wedding reception.
In Michigan.
Most likely segregated.
THIS SATURDAY.
Let us look at all of the factors making me uncomfortable:
1) I've never been to Michigan.
2) I've never been to a Muslim, well, anything really.
3) I will only know my SIL if it is, in fact, segregated.
4) I don't have any idea what one wears to these things.
You all can't help with #'s 1-3, so let's focus on #4.
What do I wear? I don't own an abaya, so I will have to be hijabified at all times, even when just with the women, I assume. Will I look out of place wearing a normal shayla at this type of event? Is a tweed skirt okay? Or would it be considered too conservative for something segregated??
My, oh my. I'm really at a loss. My husband is absolutely NO help (imagine that). He's never actually seen women at these things so I guess I can't blame him, though!
Advice, please?
Thursday, November 19, 2009
In the News
Here's the newspaper story:
Published: November 18, 2009 11:08 pm
The Tribune-Star
TERRE HAUTE — A sign at a Terre Haute church bearing a message that many people would deem “intolerant” has raised an objection from a concerned teenager who could not let the message go unchallenged.
Saagarika Coleman submitted a letter to the editor of the Tribune-Star (see page A8) stating that she was “hit with a wave of shock. I was horrified” when she saw the sign at Bible Baptist Church as her father drove her to school Monday morning.
The sign stated, “Jesus died and rose and lives for you. What did Allah do.”
To Coleman and others, the message seems to challenge or belittle the Muslim faith. At best, such sentiments strike some people as an un-Christian approach to tolerance of other beliefs.
“I just think God’s love is wider and deeper than that,” said Sister Denise Wilkinson, general superior of the Sisters of Providence, when asked for comment about the sign’s message.
“We believe and operate from the assumption that God is known in many different ways by many different people in many different cultures,” Wilkinson said of the Catholic tradition. “And the ways God speaks to people is bigger than any one faith or belief.”
The use of the word “Allah” in the sign may seem to challenge Islam, but Pastor Bob Parker of Bible Baptist Center at 25th Street and Margaret Avenue said the intent was not derogatory.
“People are making it a political statement,” said Parker when asked about the meaning of the sign’s statement.
“It just means the founder of Christianity still lives,” Parker said.
He pointed out that the statement about Allah did not have a question mark behind it, so he did not think it was an attack. However, Parker also said the church does not have punctuation lettering for the sign. A church member had suggested the message to him, and he approved it.
As of Wednesday, Parker said he had received three comments about the sign, and he is willing to talk to people about it.
By Wednesday afternoon, the message on the sign had changed. But Parker said the message changes weekly, and it was just time to make the change.
“I’m not concerned,” he said of the comments about the message’s negative connotation.
Al Mansor, speaking on behalf of the Islamic Center of Terre Haute, said some people confuse the prophet Mohammed with Allah. “Many people are ignorant about the word Allah,” Mansor told the Tribune-Star when asked about the church sign.
“Allah means God. God is the Creator. Allah,” he said, agreeing that Jesus is the Son of God, as Christians believe. Muslims also believe in Jesus, he pointed out.
“We have to believe in Jesus. If we don’t, we’re not Muslim,” Mansor said.
Terre Haute is a diverse community, with many people of the faiths of Judaism, Islam and Hinduism residing, working, raising families and being active in the community. However, the dominance of Christian churches and worship centers may give the impression that Christianity is the only organized religion in the area.
For Hindus, the nearest temple for worship is in Indianapolis, but weekly visits to a temple are not required for worship, unlike Christianity, which urges regular attendance at worship services.
For Muslims, worship is supported by the Islamic Society of North America, which has its headquarters in Plainfield.
In the days following the symbolic tearing down of the “Wall of Hate” event at Indiana State University, the church’s message seemed ironic to the teenage letter-writer.
The child of a Hindu mother and a Catholic father, Coleman wrote in her letter, “Who are we, as mere humans, to question the workings God or even to try to convince other people that only our way is correct?”
And here's the original letter from the 13 year old:
Published: November 18, 2009 11:08 pm
Church sign raises objection
Pastor says intent was not derogatory
By Lisa TriggThe Tribune-Star
TERRE HAUTE — A sign at a Terre Haute church bearing a message that many people would deem “intolerant” has raised an objection from a concerned teenager who could not let the message go unchallenged.
Saagarika Coleman submitted a letter to the editor of the Tribune-Star (see page A8) stating that she was “hit with a wave of shock. I was horrified” when she saw the sign at Bible Baptist Church as her father drove her to school Monday morning.
The sign stated, “Jesus died and rose and lives for you. What did Allah do.”
To Coleman and others, the message seems to challenge or belittle the Muslim faith. At best, such sentiments strike some people as an un-Christian approach to tolerance of other beliefs.
“I just think God’s love is wider and deeper than that,” said Sister Denise Wilkinson, general superior of the Sisters of Providence, when asked for comment about the sign’s message.
“We believe and operate from the assumption that God is known in many different ways by many different people in many different cultures,” Wilkinson said of the Catholic tradition. “And the ways God speaks to people is bigger than any one faith or belief.”
The use of the word “Allah” in the sign may seem to challenge Islam, but Pastor Bob Parker of Bible Baptist Center at 25th Street and Margaret Avenue said the intent was not derogatory.
“People are making it a political statement,” said Parker when asked about the meaning of the sign’s statement.
“It just means the founder of Christianity still lives,” Parker said.
He pointed out that the statement about Allah did not have a question mark behind it, so he did not think it was an attack. However, Parker also said the church does not have punctuation lettering for the sign. A church member had suggested the message to him, and he approved it.
As of Wednesday, Parker said he had received three comments about the sign, and he is willing to talk to people about it.
By Wednesday afternoon, the message on the sign had changed. But Parker said the message changes weekly, and it was just time to make the change.
“I’m not concerned,” he said of the comments about the message’s negative connotation.
Al Mansor, speaking on behalf of the Islamic Center of Terre Haute, said some people confuse the prophet Mohammed with Allah. “Many people are ignorant about the word Allah,” Mansor told the Tribune-Star when asked about the church sign.
“Allah means God. God is the Creator. Allah,” he said, agreeing that Jesus is the Son of God, as Christians believe. Muslims also believe in Jesus, he pointed out.
“We have to believe in Jesus. If we don’t, we’re not Muslim,” Mansor said.
Terre Haute is a diverse community, with many people of the faiths of Judaism, Islam and Hinduism residing, working, raising families and being active in the community. However, the dominance of Christian churches and worship centers may give the impression that Christianity is the only organized religion in the area.
For Hindus, the nearest temple for worship is in Indianapolis, but weekly visits to a temple are not required for worship, unlike Christianity, which urges regular attendance at worship services.
For Muslims, worship is supported by the Islamic Society of North America, which has its headquarters in Plainfield.
In the days following the symbolic tearing down of the “Wall of Hate” event at Indiana State University, the church’s message seemed ironic to the teenage letter-writer.
The child of a Hindu mother and a Catholic father, Coleman wrote in her letter, “Who are we, as mere humans, to question the workings God or even to try to convince other people that only our way is correct?”
And here's the original letter from the 13 year old:
November 18, 2009 05:32 pm
— Church message of intolerance is offensive
In the lethargy of a beautifully lazy Monday morning, I listened to my iPod, feeling the beats pulse in my ears as my father drove me to school. Every day we take this route through the small town of Terre Haute and we immediately notice any differences in the landscape. In the dull monotony of the regular drive, something struck me as we passed a nearby church. The common sign was emblazoned with a message: “Jesus died and rose. And He lives for you. What did Allah do?”
At first, I was hit with a wave of shock. I was horrified; who did this? I reminisced about the signs that, at one point, were so common in our small town that read: “Terre Haute. United for Diversity and Tolerance.” In the short span of my life, I had never seen such direct, vicious hatred.
I thought about our many generous and kind-hearted Muslim friends and how they would feel had they seen this sign. Young and inexperienced as I am, this immediately struck me as wrong. If I, a 13-year-old, had noticed this, how could the adult who had written these prejudiced words not seen the blatant injustice? Who are we, as mere humans, to question the workings of God or even to try to convince other people that only our way is correct? Would Jesus have wanted that statement posted? Did He not teach us to love our brothers and sisters?
I feel sad that such people still exist in our society, we still battle the same prejudices that people battled in the early ages. Along with our technological advances, we should have made advances of mind to see beyond such petty rubbish.
For the people that posted such a base statement, we should feel only pity. They suffer from a malady of the mind. I wish that there were a vaccine for racism, just as our school was vaccinated for the H1N1 virus. Get well soon!
If you feel solidarity and wish to make a more peaceful, united Terre Haute, be sure to call the church and voice your feelings. We ought not allow such wrongs to take place. Call the Bible Baptist Church at (812) 238-2541.
— Saagarika Coleman
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
As one of the article commentors stated "Isn't it amazing that this child has so much more common sense than the adults do in this community! God bless you child."
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
I know enough's been said about this...
and I know that another's faith does not affect my own, but the whole kimdonesia, vintagegoth thing has left me a bit shaken.
How can you be soooo convinced of something, and then turn your back on it?
As I typed that last sentence, I realized that people could ask the same question of me and my leaving Christianity. I was a Bible School teacher, church camp counselor, etc. etc. Converting to Islam has been very hard for me. The only person really supporting my decision is my husband. I am not a strong Muslim. I still have a lot of doubts. I took my shahada in June, yet i STILL haven't learned how to pray. I make excuses about how busy I am, full time mother and student. But, my priorities are not straight, I spend more time online researching Muslim clothing and typing on this blog than I do reading the Qur'an and learning the prayers and more importantly, praying those prayers.
Makes me scared, much like the vintagegoth, that I am Muslim for the wrong reasons. I am not at the point where I would renounce my shahada. La ilaha illa Allah. I do still have reservations about Muhammad, much to my distress. I believe he's a prophet, but at the same time, I'm uncomfortable with the empasis placed on him in prayers, etc.
I guess my big problem is, WHY AM I DRAGGING MY FEET? Why do I worry more about wearing proper hijab than praying 5 times a day? Is hijab a pillar? NO. Is prayer, ABSOLUTELY. I still have Christian understandings of things, like prayer, I think. I pray (du'a) at night lying in my bed just as I did when I was a Christian. And that's generally the only time I contact God during the day. And I'm generally falling asleep.
I think I've overestimated where I am spiritually. Both when I was a Christian, and now, as a Muslim. I was seen as a 'good Christian girl,' because I went to church every Sunday. I rarely read the Bible, though, and my prayers were sleepy ramblings at bedtime. I'm just as bad at being a Muslim. I rarely read the Qur'an, and my prayers are sleepy ramblings at bedtime. But, just as my church attendance made me feel justified in my 'good' standing in Christianity, my abtaining from pork, alcohol, and modest dress have made me feel justified as a 'decent Muslim.'
I'm tired of being lukewarm. Where is my desire to submit? It's something I wondered while Christian, and it's something I'm still wondering on this new religious path. I want a relationship with God. I want to feel like my prayers are reaching someone. I want to feel, while reading the Qur'an, that I am truly glorifying God by reading his literal words.
Sometimes I fear that I'm not chosen. That I lack the ability to move beyond a logical understanding and belief into a true relationship and desire to please, follow, submit.
This has been a good post for me. It's reassured me that the problem isn't necessarily Islam, it's me and my priorities, because I practiced Christianity similarly. I need to be spritually revived. I want to read the Qur'an because I WANT to, not because I feel I should. I want to pray because I WANT to, not because I'm afraid of disappointing God.
I think a break from blogger and online shopping is necessary at this point. I dropped facebook because of the time it stole from me, but I found other webites to waste my time (and money). God deserves more from me, and so does my son.
I'm going to try my hardest to only log onto blogger once a week when my son is asleep. I am going to give the little free time my son allows me to God, not the internet. Somehow I got messed up, prioritizing, son, homework, me, and then God. That's not right at all. I wish I could put God at the top of the list, but my son has very real needs. It sounds awful saying that, but I don't know how to have it any other way.
Alhumdullilah, I'm still a Muslim.
How can you be soooo convinced of something, and then turn your back on it?
As I typed that last sentence, I realized that people could ask the same question of me and my leaving Christianity. I was a Bible School teacher, church camp counselor, etc. etc. Converting to Islam has been very hard for me. The only person really supporting my decision is my husband. I am not a strong Muslim. I still have a lot of doubts. I took my shahada in June, yet i STILL haven't learned how to pray. I make excuses about how busy I am, full time mother and student. But, my priorities are not straight, I spend more time online researching Muslim clothing and typing on this blog than I do reading the Qur'an and learning the prayers and more importantly, praying those prayers.
Makes me scared, much like the vintagegoth, that I am Muslim for the wrong reasons. I am not at the point where I would renounce my shahada. La ilaha illa Allah. I do still have reservations about Muhammad, much to my distress. I believe he's a prophet, but at the same time, I'm uncomfortable with the empasis placed on him in prayers, etc.
I guess my big problem is, WHY AM I DRAGGING MY FEET? Why do I worry more about wearing proper hijab than praying 5 times a day? Is hijab a pillar? NO. Is prayer, ABSOLUTELY. I still have Christian understandings of things, like prayer, I think. I pray (du'a) at night lying in my bed just as I did when I was a Christian. And that's generally the only time I contact God during the day. And I'm generally falling asleep.
I think I've overestimated where I am spiritually. Both when I was a Christian, and now, as a Muslim. I was seen as a 'good Christian girl,' because I went to church every Sunday. I rarely read the Bible, though, and my prayers were sleepy ramblings at bedtime. I'm just as bad at being a Muslim. I rarely read the Qur'an, and my prayers are sleepy ramblings at bedtime. But, just as my church attendance made me feel justified in my 'good' standing in Christianity, my abtaining from pork, alcohol, and modest dress have made me feel justified as a 'decent Muslim.'
I'm tired of being lukewarm. Where is my desire to submit? It's something I wondered while Christian, and it's something I'm still wondering on this new religious path. I want a relationship with God. I want to feel like my prayers are reaching someone. I want to feel, while reading the Qur'an, that I am truly glorifying God by reading his literal words.
Sometimes I fear that I'm not chosen. That I lack the ability to move beyond a logical understanding and belief into a true relationship and desire to please, follow, submit.
This has been a good post for me. It's reassured me that the problem isn't necessarily Islam, it's me and my priorities, because I practiced Christianity similarly. I need to be spritually revived. I want to read the Qur'an because I WANT to, not because I feel I should. I want to pray because I WANT to, not because I'm afraid of disappointing God.
I think a break from blogger and online shopping is necessary at this point. I dropped facebook because of the time it stole from me, but I found other webites to waste my time (and money). God deserves more from me, and so does my son.
I'm going to try my hardest to only log onto blogger once a week when my son is asleep. I am going to give the little free time my son allows me to God, not the internet. Somehow I got messed up, prioritizing, son, homework, me, and then God. That's not right at all. I wish I could put God at the top of the list, but my son has very real needs. It sounds awful saying that, but I don't know how to have it any other way.
Alhumdullilah, I'm still a Muslim.
Monday, November 9, 2009
My Baby is ONE!
My son's birthday was today. I can't believe it's been a whole year.....Really, now, where did the time go?
He was spoiled rotten with gifts from me and his daddy, his aunties, his uncle, and his grandparents and great grandparents. We're going to need a bigger house just to store his toys, it seems, lol.
He can't eat cake because it contains grains and eggs, and he can't eat ice cream because it's made with cow's milk.
Sooo, I made a cheesecake for the rest of the family to eat and so he could have a candle and singing, but all he got to eat was a "Birthday Banana." You should see how much he loves eating bananas, though, lol, I don't think he knew he was missing out on anything.
His endoscopy was last Tuesday. Everything was clear, but the results from the biopsies they took from his esophagus, stomach, and intestines have not been given to us yet. They were testing how he breaks down certain sugars and proteins, I think. I know they can test for allergy through the biopsies, but I don't think they can test for what specifically he is allergic to. He is now drinking 3 oz. of the neocate (amino acid) formula a day. He has actually moved past the spoon and into a special sippy cup I bought for him. It's basically the only cup he'll drink out of, so even though it was $6, I think I'll splurge and buy a couple more. Once he's comfortable with the formula I think I'll start weaning or at least decreasing feedings. I think it will make me a little emotional when we stop getting this bonding time together, but at the same time, it'd be nice to be able to have some 'freedom.' Breastfeeding a baby every 3 hours for a year really ties you down.
My son is really developing a personality and I find myself cracking up at some of his antics. His favorite song is now Old MacDonald. EVERYONE sings it to him now, even his grandparents in Saudi Arabia. He starts bobbing up and down to the beat and sings along "e-i-o" He waves his arms like he's conducting and is just the cutest thing, mash'Allah. There's a certain song I play on the piano, it has no lyrics, that he absolutely loves. He'll stop what he's doing when he hears it so that he can scoot over to the piano (he doesn't crawl, still scoots on his butt, which is all I ever did as a baby) and then starts the whole dancing routine. (bobbing, waving the arms, etc.) He's a very musical baby, hence, the keyboard he got for his birthday today. I sing and play the piano (and clarinet barely), and his father plays the guitar, drum, and oud, (and a little keyboard) so I think perhaps he inherited it from both sides.
Another crazy thing he did today...I'm almost embarrassed to share this. He absolutely loves playing with balls. Bouncy balls, soccer balls, anything. My brother actually got him 100 soft balls for his birthday and has turned his playpen into a ball pit! So cute, my son absolutely loved it! But anyway, today I had him up on the changing table, and he turned and kind of cupped my breast. (I was dressed, of course). He eats from them all the time so I was just like, whatever, if it keeps him occupied (changing is a real struggle sometimes). But anyway, he has his hand on my breast and he looks at me and says "ball," only for him it's more like "bA!" Oh goodness I laughed so hard. At least if we don't wean soon he'll be asking for his ball in the grocery store instead of for "boobies." I've been trying to say "milk" "halib" all the time when he eats to avoid the "boobie" embarrassment if he starts talking more prior to weaning.
Life is entertaining. And so, so, busy. I'm still reading blogs, just not posting as often. I plan on replying to comments that have been made on my past few posts. Insha'Allah I will find the time soon.
He was spoiled rotten with gifts from me and his daddy, his aunties, his uncle, and his grandparents and great grandparents. We're going to need a bigger house just to store his toys, it seems, lol.
He can't eat cake because it contains grains and eggs, and he can't eat ice cream because it's made with cow's milk.
Sooo, I made a cheesecake for the rest of the family to eat and so he could have a candle and singing, but all he got to eat was a "Birthday Banana." You should see how much he loves eating bananas, though, lol, I don't think he knew he was missing out on anything.
His endoscopy was last Tuesday. Everything was clear, but the results from the biopsies they took from his esophagus, stomach, and intestines have not been given to us yet. They were testing how he breaks down certain sugars and proteins, I think. I know they can test for allergy through the biopsies, but I don't think they can test for what specifically he is allergic to. He is now drinking 3 oz. of the neocate (amino acid) formula a day. He has actually moved past the spoon and into a special sippy cup I bought for him. It's basically the only cup he'll drink out of, so even though it was $6, I think I'll splurge and buy a couple more. Once he's comfortable with the formula I think I'll start weaning or at least decreasing feedings. I think it will make me a little emotional when we stop getting this bonding time together, but at the same time, it'd be nice to be able to have some 'freedom.' Breastfeeding a baby every 3 hours for a year really ties you down.
My son is really developing a personality and I find myself cracking up at some of his antics. His favorite song is now Old MacDonald. EVERYONE sings it to him now, even his grandparents in Saudi Arabia. He starts bobbing up and down to the beat and sings along "e-i-o" He waves his arms like he's conducting and is just the cutest thing, mash'Allah. There's a certain song I play on the piano, it has no lyrics, that he absolutely loves. He'll stop what he's doing when he hears it so that he can scoot over to the piano (he doesn't crawl, still scoots on his butt, which is all I ever did as a baby) and then starts the whole dancing routine. (bobbing, waving the arms, etc.) He's a very musical baby, hence, the keyboard he got for his birthday today. I sing and play the piano (and clarinet barely), and his father plays the guitar, drum, and oud, (and a little keyboard) so I think perhaps he inherited it from both sides.
Another crazy thing he did today...I'm almost embarrassed to share this. He absolutely loves playing with balls. Bouncy balls, soccer balls, anything. My brother actually got him 100 soft balls for his birthday and has turned his playpen into a ball pit! So cute, my son absolutely loved it! But anyway, today I had him up on the changing table, and he turned and kind of cupped my breast. (I was dressed, of course). He eats from them all the time so I was just like, whatever, if it keeps him occupied (changing is a real struggle sometimes). But anyway, he has his hand on my breast and he looks at me and says "ball," only for him it's more like "bA!" Oh goodness I laughed so hard. At least if we don't wean soon he'll be asking for his ball in the grocery store instead of for "boobies." I've been trying to say "milk" "halib" all the time when he eats to avoid the "boobie" embarrassment if he starts talking more prior to weaning.
Life is entertaining. And so, so, busy. I'm still reading blogs, just not posting as often. I plan on replying to comments that have been made on my past few posts. Insha'Allah I will find the time soon.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Slightly Bothered
I guess it was wrong of me to believe that my blogging thoughts would remain 'private.' I changed my settings so that my blog will not appear on a google search, I use a fake name (Nikki) and try my best to either not post names, or post fake names instead.
With that being said, I have not been as careful as I should have. I have posted a picture of myself, minus hijab, although modestly dressed, I have posted a picture of my son (the back of him, but still), and I have referenced locations that give anyone familiar with them or tempted to do a search a fairly good idea of my location.
I don't want people to know who I am. I don't want anyone I know personally (family especially) to read this blog.
I have recently found my post 'Things are...' on two different Islamic websites. It has been 'tweeted' twice and facebooked three times. This was a very personal post highlighting some of my family's initial reactions to my conversion. I am slightly honored that people found my story moving enough to share, and slightly bothered by the infringement on my privacy. The line in particular, where my mom used the phrase "blow my brains out," really bothers me. She was in the first stages of grief and said something she did not mean. I don't want the whole internet community to think my mom is suicidal or makes a habit of threatening me with such things. This was out of character for her and I'm afraid of someone I know reading it and looking down on her.
I love my family. That post was right after the fact. My family still does not accept my coversion in the sense that they continually preach Christianity to me, but they do accept me as a daughter, they do love me, and they haven't removed me from their household or their hearts.
If those of you who posted my story read this, I would appreciate a) being asked before anything else of mine is posted and b) if you would remove that original post. That was a very personal entry, and one that I would like to have control over to delete if/when I see fit.
I am more than willing to share my entire story of conversion, including the family reaction, if you would like. BUT, obviously, it would be typed in a more formal, less personal style, and wouldn't include such damaging quotes, but instead an overview of their disapproval.
I would like to help anyone and everyone I can. And I believe sharing personal narratives is a wonderful way of doing this. Reading personal narratives on conversion is something I absolutely love to do, and knowing that my own story could be among them is exciting. That particular post, though, was written at a particularly low point, and I believe it would discourage more than encourage. I also do not wish to make my family or Christians in general look bad and intolerant. I do not believe the way to show the beauty and truth of Islam is through the slander of other religions. Islam is able to stand firm on its own.
With that being said, I have not been as careful as I should have. I have posted a picture of myself, minus hijab, although modestly dressed, I have posted a picture of my son (the back of him, but still), and I have referenced locations that give anyone familiar with them or tempted to do a search a fairly good idea of my location.
I don't want people to know who I am. I don't want anyone I know personally (family especially) to read this blog.
I have recently found my post 'Things are...' on two different Islamic websites. It has been 'tweeted' twice and facebooked three times. This was a very personal post highlighting some of my family's initial reactions to my conversion. I am slightly honored that people found my story moving enough to share, and slightly bothered by the infringement on my privacy. The line in particular, where my mom used the phrase "blow my brains out," really bothers me. She was in the first stages of grief and said something she did not mean. I don't want the whole internet community to think my mom is suicidal or makes a habit of threatening me with such things. This was out of character for her and I'm afraid of someone I know reading it and looking down on her.
I love my family. That post was right after the fact. My family still does not accept my coversion in the sense that they continually preach Christianity to me, but they do accept me as a daughter, they do love me, and they haven't removed me from their household or their hearts.
If those of you who posted my story read this, I would appreciate a) being asked before anything else of mine is posted and b) if you would remove that original post. That was a very personal entry, and one that I would like to have control over to delete if/when I see fit.
I am more than willing to share my entire story of conversion, including the family reaction, if you would like. BUT, obviously, it would be typed in a more formal, less personal style, and wouldn't include such damaging quotes, but instead an overview of their disapproval.
I would like to help anyone and everyone I can. And I believe sharing personal narratives is a wonderful way of doing this. Reading personal narratives on conversion is something I absolutely love to do, and knowing that my own story could be among them is exciting. That particular post, though, was written at a particularly low point, and I believe it would discourage more than encourage. I also do not wish to make my family or Christians in general look bad and intolerant. I do not believe the way to show the beauty and truth of Islam is through the slander of other religions. Islam is able to stand firm on its own.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Long Overdue
So, I was posting and posting about my son and then I got overwhelmed with coming clean to my parentsabout Islam and failed to update you.
The parental issues have come to a bit of a standstill. They are somewhat in denial, acting like this is a phase that they'll just have to 'wait out.' They didn't even tell my brother, leading me to believe they're hoping he'll never have to know. My mom has done the most acknowledging, asking me if this means I'm not eating pork and asking what lunchmeat I'd like her to buy for me instead. (i still eat non-halal meats, my parents can only take so much at a time...and halal meat is not sold in our town, you'd have to drive at least 30 minutes to get any (not very fresh) and about two hours if you want good quality meat.)
Anyway, so, I'm surviving. They're quite smothering at times with their concern. And I'm annoyed that they still had me go to church with them.
BUT, what I wanted to post about was a long overdue update on my son. He had his appointment with the pediatric GI on Oct. 23. This doctor actually listened to us and agreed that it was allergy related. He said physically, my son is absolutely fine, no virus, no stomach problems, no 'failure to thrive,' etc.
The doctor was concerned about my weight loss. I explained that it is very difficult to satisfy a 1 year old with breastmilk alone (and the occasional fruit). He agreed and gave us some amino-acid based formula to try. It's a 'medical formula' so it costs an arm and a leg. :/ Right now the most we can get him to drink is 2 ounces, but only from a spoon. For some reason, he won't take it any other way. I'm hoping that the more he gets used to it, we'll eventually be able to give it to him in a sippy cup and I can cut down on breastfeeding. Since the doctor visit, we've continued to try with fruits and he's done very well. He associates certain spoons with getting sick, so we've changed his silverware and he's eating more babyfood. Still not really liking it, but he'll eat small amounts without screaming. He LOVES to eat real food, though. He likes to eat bananas, apples, pears, peaches, and grapes like a big boy. Of course, you can't get all your nutrients from fruit, so he's still on a multivitamin with iron and like I said we're still working on the formula.
They scheduled an upper endoscopy for -tomorrow!- to see if they can find anything more out that way and to make sure there is no damage to his esophagus. I've had an endoscopy myself, and know that I was in absolutely no pain during or after, so that makes me feel a bit better. I'm still terribly nervous, though, about anesthesia, and him fasting, and him waking up with me not there..... :/
The ped. GI also referred as to a pediatric allergist who has made us an appointment on Dec. 1. We are getting answers! It may be a roundabout way of getting answers, but at least we haven't had any more reactions. I showed the GI the information on FPIES and he said it could very well be related. The allergist would be the one to diagnose that, though.
So, that's what's going on. Pray for his 'surgery' tomorrow! Pray for his parents and grandparents, also, because I'm sure we'll all be more worried than him. :) Insha'Allah it will go smoothly with clear results.
The parental issues have come to a bit of a standstill. They are somewhat in denial, acting like this is a phase that they'll just have to 'wait out.' They didn't even tell my brother, leading me to believe they're hoping he'll never have to know. My mom has done the most acknowledging, asking me if this means I'm not eating pork and asking what lunchmeat I'd like her to buy for me instead. (i still eat non-halal meats, my parents can only take so much at a time...and halal meat is not sold in our town, you'd have to drive at least 30 minutes to get any (not very fresh) and about two hours if you want good quality meat.)
Anyway, so, I'm surviving. They're quite smothering at times with their concern. And I'm annoyed that they still had me go to church with them.
BUT, what I wanted to post about was a long overdue update on my son. He had his appointment with the pediatric GI on Oct. 23. This doctor actually listened to us and agreed that it was allergy related. He said physically, my son is absolutely fine, no virus, no stomach problems, no 'failure to thrive,' etc.
The doctor was concerned about my weight loss. I explained that it is very difficult to satisfy a 1 year old with breastmilk alone (and the occasional fruit). He agreed and gave us some amino-acid based formula to try. It's a 'medical formula' so it costs an arm and a leg. :/ Right now the most we can get him to drink is 2 ounces, but only from a spoon. For some reason, he won't take it any other way. I'm hoping that the more he gets used to it, we'll eventually be able to give it to him in a sippy cup and I can cut down on breastfeeding. Since the doctor visit, we've continued to try with fruits and he's done very well. He associates certain spoons with getting sick, so we've changed his silverware and he's eating more babyfood. Still not really liking it, but he'll eat small amounts without screaming. He LOVES to eat real food, though. He likes to eat bananas, apples, pears, peaches, and grapes like a big boy. Of course, you can't get all your nutrients from fruit, so he's still on a multivitamin with iron and like I said we're still working on the formula.
They scheduled an upper endoscopy for -tomorrow!- to see if they can find anything more out that way and to make sure there is no damage to his esophagus. I've had an endoscopy myself, and know that I was in absolutely no pain during or after, so that makes me feel a bit better. I'm still terribly nervous, though, about anesthesia, and him fasting, and him waking up with me not there..... :/
The ped. GI also referred as to a pediatric allergist who has made us an appointment on Dec. 1. We are getting answers! It may be a roundabout way of getting answers, but at least we haven't had any more reactions. I showed the GI the information on FPIES and he said it could very well be related. The allergist would be the one to diagnose that, though.
So, that's what's going on. Pray for his 'surgery' tomorrow! Pray for his parents and grandparents, also, because I'm sure we'll all be more worried than him. :) Insha'Allah it will go smoothly with clear results.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Weight
There seem to be a variety of blog posts on weight presently. It's healthy for sister's to want to lose weight, but it's unhealthy to judge yourself based on this quality alone. I've always been happy with my weight. Since my almost 1 year old is still living off of almost only breastmilk, though, I've lost probably 15 lbs and am underweight. My clothes hang off of me, and people are always commenting about how thin I am. They look at me with pity like I am anorexic. I eat and eat, but apparently not enough for two. I am on the opposite end of the weight spectrum, I am trying to GAIN weight.
22 yrs old. 5'2". 93 lbs.
Unhealthy. :/ And this current stress really doesn't help. I haven't had an appetite since Wednesday.
22 yrs old. 5'2". 93 lbs.
Unhealthy. :/ And this current stress really doesn't help. I haven't had an appetite since Wednesday.
Things are....
a bit worse than I had anticipated. I'm pretty sure if it wasn't for my son, I would have been kicked out of the house last night.
"You're not my daughter." (mom)
"You're not my sister." (sister, obviously)
"You were my best friend and now you don't even exist." (mom)
"I've failed at my one duty in this life. I might as well blow my brains out." (mom)
We got in such a heated argument about how my son would be raised that coming home from teaching today I was half afraid that I'd come home to find my son kidnapped. It was an irrational fear, but things are really not going well right now.
My dad is begging me to continue going to church with them. I've been adamant that I am past the questioning stage, so why would I continue to go. It would only be for 'appearances' and it would be a lie. Our church is small, and very close knit. The majority of people in attendance are related to me in one way or another. My absence will not go unnoticed. They will mourn me and my son, and pity my parents. I do feel bad for my parents, because I know what's coming. But my continuing to pretend does not change the reality.
Hijab came up again. I finally just said, I've already been wearing it on weekends. "Why!?!" "I told you, I've been a Muslim since June, it's something I feel I should do."
Parental response..."You disgust me." "Who's going to hire you with that Muslim rag on your head?"
sister, 25 years old, crying in her bed overhearing quietly responds "no one."
My brother doesn't know. He's 16, though, and fairly laid back, so while he won't understand, I don't think he'll take it personally like the rest of them.
My mom has already taken care of Christmas. I will not be getting any gifts this year, it seems. I told her, "I already bought your gift." "Take it back." "I'm still going to give it to you, and I still love you."
She wouldn't tell me she loved me. She said she didn't feel any love. This morning she did reluctantly say it before i left, although now that it's just us and the baby at home we're kind of tiptoeing around each other.
I miss my best friends. (mom, sister) I hope all the anger and grief (and preaching) can get out now. I would love to eventually reach the point where we can agree to disagree.
Life as I knew it is over. I certainly hope it doesn't stay in this current state forever, though.
"You're not my daughter." (mom)
"You're not my sister." (sister, obviously)
"You were my best friend and now you don't even exist." (mom)
"I've failed at my one duty in this life. I might as well blow my brains out." (mom)
We got in such a heated argument about how my son would be raised that coming home from teaching today I was half afraid that I'd come home to find my son kidnapped. It was an irrational fear, but things are really not going well right now.
My dad is begging me to continue going to church with them. I've been adamant that I am past the questioning stage, so why would I continue to go. It would only be for 'appearances' and it would be a lie. Our church is small, and very close knit. The majority of people in attendance are related to me in one way or another. My absence will not go unnoticed. They will mourn me and my son, and pity my parents. I do feel bad for my parents, because I know what's coming. But my continuing to pretend does not change the reality.
Hijab came up again. I finally just said, I've already been wearing it on weekends. "Why!?!" "I told you, I've been a Muslim since June, it's something I feel I should do."
Parental response..."You disgust me." "Who's going to hire you with that Muslim rag on your head?"
sister, 25 years old, crying in her bed overhearing quietly responds "no one."
My brother doesn't know. He's 16, though, and fairly laid back, so while he won't understand, I don't think he'll take it personally like the rest of them.
My mom has already taken care of Christmas. I will not be getting any gifts this year, it seems. I told her, "I already bought your gift." "Take it back." "I'm still going to give it to you, and I still love you."
She wouldn't tell me she loved me. She said she didn't feel any love. This morning she did reluctantly say it before i left, although now that it's just us and the baby at home we're kind of tiptoeing around each other.
I miss my best friends. (mom, sister) I hope all the anger and grief (and preaching) can get out now. I would love to eventually reach the point where we can agree to disagree.
Life as I knew it is over. I certainly hope it doesn't stay in this current state forever, though.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Still haven't told Mom...
we're very close and I'm scared of what may or may not be left of our relationship afterwards.
My dad made me go to church today. When I was not paying enough attention or not singing he would scold me. Um, singing about Jesus doesn't make me a Christian if I'm being forced......
He's begging me to read the book, "Evidence that Demands a Verdict," because it PROVES Christianity. I'll take it just to keep the peace, but I've read similar, and they all leave questions unanswered.
I want to maintain our relationship, and I know he's doing this out of love, but how can I respectfully tell him,'Dad, I've been through the searching stage already, and Christianity no longer holds the answers for me" in a way that will get him to listen? He's sticking church bulletins in my purse for goodness sake... I told him, I do not want to be having this same discussion (about Jesus being God's Son) for the next 50 years. He told me he'd "never give up on me."
I feel bad for him, I do. But quite honestly...I'm getting annoyed. :/
My dad made me go to church today. When I was not paying enough attention or not singing he would scold me. Um, singing about Jesus doesn't make me a Christian if I'm being forced......
He's begging me to read the book, "Evidence that Demands a Verdict," because it PROVES Christianity. I'll take it just to keep the peace, but I've read similar, and they all leave questions unanswered.
I want to maintain our relationship, and I know he's doing this out of love, but how can I respectfully tell him,'Dad, I've been through the searching stage already, and Christianity no longer holds the answers for me" in a way that will get him to listen? He's sticking church bulletins in my purse for goodness sake... I told him, I do not want to be having this same discussion (about Jesus being God's Son) for the next 50 years. He told me he'd "never give up on me."
I feel bad for him, I do. But quite honestly...I'm getting annoyed. :/
Friday, October 23, 2009
I am responsible...
for killing my father.
Not literally, I suppose, but emotionally. Last night things got a bit heated and he was calling me a 'liar' and a 'deceiver' and I told him I only lie to him to protect him. Of course, that brought great suspicion and "protect me from what?" I eventually just said, "Dad, I'm Muslim." Everyone else in my family was in bed, dad runs away from me pulling at his hair and cussing (I'm not aware that I've ever heard him cuss before in my 22 yrs of life). I chase him and brace myself for the discussion that I've known was going to come along sometime.
"No daughter of mine is going to be Muslim."
"You're going to Hell."
"You're an American."
"I should have sent you to a Christian school."
"Water can be solid, liquid, or gas, but it's all water." (the trinity for those of you not familiar)
"I should have never let you date (husband). You wouldn't have gotten messed up with Islam if it wasn't for him."
"I will never accept this. I will always pray for you and (husband) and (son). I'm not gonna just let you raise (your son) Muslim."
I hurt so bad. Emotionally and physically. I mean, I physically feel I might vomit occasionally. I know my dad does, too. Those statements above...they were not typed to poke fun at my dad. Neither of us is laughing. I just wanted to let you get an understanding of the response I'm up against. My dad looks at me and tears up one second, the next he's poking his finger in my face telling me I've "denied Jesus and he's not going to accept it." He loves me, and he's torn between anger and grief. I love him and I'm honestly not angry with his response (aside from his not allowing me to parent my child the way I deem appropriate). I'm all grief. I don't regret my conversion, because I've finally put God first in my life, but I do regret the pain I've brought to my father, and ultimately my family.
My mom doesn't know yet. She's real excited about some stuff we have planned for Sunday and neither dad nor I wanted to ruin it for her. I guess I'll probably need to tell her Monday then. She can tell something's totally off with my dad, and I know they'll need each other through this time. She'll react worse. She practically acted worse when I lied to her in high school about an event involving a pickup truck, four police vehicles, and a shot gun. (story for another day?) I lied about my involvement in said incident and she bawled she was so disappointed in me. "I thought I raised you Christian!"
Oooh, things are going to get so much worse before they ever have a chance of getting better.
I think my dad summed it up nicely when he said "Remember when you told me you were pregnant? I was so mad at you. But this is 100 times worse, and I will never get over it."
Prayer for us all would be nice. My son's appointment was today. That's for a separate post, but right now... I just need to lie down.
Not literally, I suppose, but emotionally. Last night things got a bit heated and he was calling me a 'liar' and a 'deceiver' and I told him I only lie to him to protect him. Of course, that brought great suspicion and "protect me from what?" I eventually just said, "Dad, I'm Muslim." Everyone else in my family was in bed, dad runs away from me pulling at his hair and cussing (I'm not aware that I've ever heard him cuss before in my 22 yrs of life). I chase him and brace myself for the discussion that I've known was going to come along sometime.
"No daughter of mine is going to be Muslim."
"You're going to Hell."
"You're an American."
"I should have sent you to a Christian school."
"Water can be solid, liquid, or gas, but it's all water." (the trinity for those of you not familiar)
"I should have never let you date (husband). You wouldn't have gotten messed up with Islam if it wasn't for him."
"I will never accept this. I will always pray for you and (husband) and (son). I'm not gonna just let you raise (your son) Muslim."
I hurt so bad. Emotionally and physically. I mean, I physically feel I might vomit occasionally. I know my dad does, too. Those statements above...they were not typed to poke fun at my dad. Neither of us is laughing. I just wanted to let you get an understanding of the response I'm up against. My dad looks at me and tears up one second, the next he's poking his finger in my face telling me I've "denied Jesus and he's not going to accept it." He loves me, and he's torn between anger and grief. I love him and I'm honestly not angry with his response (aside from his not allowing me to parent my child the way I deem appropriate). I'm all grief. I don't regret my conversion, because I've finally put God first in my life, but I do regret the pain I've brought to my father, and ultimately my family.
My mom doesn't know yet. She's real excited about some stuff we have planned for Sunday and neither dad nor I wanted to ruin it for her. I guess I'll probably need to tell her Monday then. She can tell something's totally off with my dad, and I know they'll need each other through this time. She'll react worse. She practically acted worse when I lied to her in high school about an event involving a pickup truck, four police vehicles, and a shot gun. (story for another day?) I lied about my involvement in said incident and she bawled she was so disappointed in me. "I thought I raised you Christian!"
Oooh, things are going to get so much worse before they ever have a chance of getting better.
I think my dad summed it up nicely when he said "Remember when you told me you were pregnant? I was so mad at you. But this is 100 times worse, and I will never get over it."
Prayer for us all would be nice. My son's appointment was today. That's for a separate post, but right now... I just need to lie down.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Teeth
My son -finally- got his first four teeth. At first I was thrilled at the cute little white stumps poking through his gums.....
then I woke up this morning with mastitis. Anyone else not surprised?
This may be TMI, but sometimes he bites so hard when nursing that I honestly fear my nipple might fall off. There's no weaning in sight, either, with all of these adverse reactions to food.
Whatever, we'll get through it like always. The doctor wouldn't call in my prescription without seeing me (grrr....just what I want to do when I'm sick, drive 20 minutes away, wait over an hour, and be seen for 5-10 minutes). I'll do what I have to for some antibiotics, though, I feel soooo weak.
In other news, my son's appointment at Riley is on Friday!! Excited to finally (insha'Allah) get some answers!
Hubby's birthday is Thursday, but he's at work and in class until 9 p.m. so we'll probably put off celebrating until Saturday. I thought about doing it tomorrow but I'm really in no condition to make a cake right now.
Sorry I haven't been doing a lot of blogging. Sorry as well for always blogging about my son and doctor's appointments! lol, It seems those two things are kind of running my life right now. :)
My son is tired now. Alhumdullilah. I think we both deserve a nap!
then I woke up this morning with mastitis. Anyone else not surprised?
This may be TMI, but sometimes he bites so hard when nursing that I honestly fear my nipple might fall off. There's no weaning in sight, either, with all of these adverse reactions to food.
Whatever, we'll get through it like always. The doctor wouldn't call in my prescription without seeing me (grrr....just what I want to do when I'm sick, drive 20 minutes away, wait over an hour, and be seen for 5-10 minutes). I'll do what I have to for some antibiotics, though, I feel soooo weak.
In other news, my son's appointment at Riley is on Friday!! Excited to finally (insha'Allah) get some answers!
Hubby's birthday is Thursday, but he's at work and in class until 9 p.m. so we'll probably put off celebrating until Saturday. I thought about doing it tomorrow but I'm really in no condition to make a cake right now.
Sorry I haven't been doing a lot of blogging. Sorry as well for always blogging about my son and doctor's appointments! lol, It seems those two things are kind of running my life right now. :)
My son is tired now. Alhumdullilah. I think we both deserve a nap!
Sunday, October 11, 2009
We've Got an Appointment!
The upper GI scheduled for Thursday morning was a flop, because my son wouldn't drink the barium.
I'm not surprised. The radiologist was a joke, though. He's probably a great radiologist, but he doesn't know squat about children. My son hadn't eaten for 4 hours because they wanted him to be hungry...he still wouldn't take a bottle full of barium, though. The radiologist blamed it on me not making him hungry enough. He told me I should have not let him eat for 8 HOURS. Sure, an 11 month old that eats every three hours, I'll starve him for 8 hours and then feed him barium.
Please. I explained, he's plenty hungry, but he won't even take apple juice out of a bottle, why in the world would he take barium?! The man continued to be an imbecile, complaining about my uncooperative son.
The nurse asked if we could add flavoring to try to get him to drink it...the radiologist's response: "Baby's don't taste until they're 2."
WHAT!?
So, as I said, upper GI was a flop. They asked me to reschedule and I said, no thanks, we're going to Riley Children's. Only I probably didn't say it very nicely...The pediatrician appointment that afternoon went, um, not well. He told us to just keep trying to feed him different foods. We told him, then we'll be back in the hospital. We gave him a highlighted printout on FPIES, the condition we believe my son to have. He barely glanced at it and said, "I've never heard of it," completely dismissing it! Arrogance is not a good quality to have as a doctor, let me tell you... Because you haven't heard of it, it doesn't exist????
Sooo angry.
He finally realized we disagreed with everything he was saying and said, "We'll let Riley deal with it."
THANK YOU. That's what we came for in the first place, a referral, my gosh was that so hard??
So, we've got an appointment at Riley Children's Hospital in about 2 weeks with a pediatric gastroenterologist. Hopefully he will either know what we're talking about or know where to send us.
Why do you have to go through so many hoops to get anything done in this ridiculous healthcare system?
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
We're Home!
but not totally in the clear...
They never found out what was wrong. And he did have diarhhea again today at home. :/ BUT, luckily my dad finally got someone to listen!
My son's nurse yesterday got the -whooooole- story from my dad. I at first thought he was being a bit too windy, but he managed to get our point across! The nurse realized that this is NOT in fact a recurring virus and scheduled an upper GI for us tomorrow. From there we go to the pediatrician who will refer us to wherever we'd like! (at least that's what we were told...)
We plan on getting referred to Riley Children's Hospital to see a pediatric gastrointerologist. The pediatric GI will do an evaluation and send us on to an allergist if he thinks it necessary or prescribe the treatment himself if it's within he realm.
I finally feel like we're getting somewhere! Granted, all these referrals are going to take awhile what with scheduling around my schedule since Riley is close to 2 hours away.
I think it's FPIES more than ever now. (remember, my diagnosis from the first post on this issue?) I've been talking to other FPIES moms on baby center community and they've been very helpful. I just want a real diagnosis so that a) we can know how to plan for his diet and b) people will stop acting like I'm crazy or making it up.
Alhumdullilah my baby is home! Thank you for all of your prayers!
They never found out what was wrong. And he did have diarhhea again today at home. :/ BUT, luckily my dad finally got someone to listen!
My son's nurse yesterday got the -whooooole- story from my dad. I at first thought he was being a bit too windy, but he managed to get our point across! The nurse realized that this is NOT in fact a recurring virus and scheduled an upper GI for us tomorrow. From there we go to the pediatrician who will refer us to wherever we'd like! (at least that's what we were told...)
We plan on getting referred to Riley Children's Hospital to see a pediatric gastrointerologist. The pediatric GI will do an evaluation and send us on to an allergist if he thinks it necessary or prescribe the treatment himself if it's within he realm.
I finally feel like we're getting somewhere! Granted, all these referrals are going to take awhile what with scheduling around my schedule since Riley is close to 2 hours away.
I think it's FPIES more than ever now. (remember, my diagnosis from the first post on this issue?) I've been talking to other FPIES moms on baby center community and they've been very helpful. I just want a real diagnosis so that a) we can know how to plan for his diet and b) people will stop acting like I'm crazy or making it up.
Alhumdullilah my baby is home! Thank you for all of your prayers!
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Still Hospitalized
So, it's 1:45 on Sunday afternoon and we're still at the hospital. When I took him into the ER Friday I thought we'd be out within a few hours. When they had us spend Friday night for "observation" I thought we'd be out early Saturday morning.
And now, I'm not sure we're ever leaving.
He hasn't vomitted since Friday, but has horrible diarrhea so they've still got him on an iv so that he doesn't get dehydrated again. Yesterday he perked up a few times for around 5 minutes or so, but the rest of the day he just laid around and wanted rocked. I rocked him so long that I watched 8 episodes of Little Mosque on the Prairie via youtube.
They haven't mentioned the EKG that was sent to Riley Children's Hospital since Friday...? The influenza A and B tests came back negative. His 'stool' came back positive for blood and also infection. They think he has an infection in his intestines but will not know until tomorrow. They've got him on antibiotics anyway to treat the 'probable' cause, I guess.
All these tests have brought a new problem to light, though. His hemoglobin levels are scary low, and his red blood cells are smaller than they should be. They think he could have thalassemia. I hope and pray that that's not the case, but at the same time, I WANT a diagnosis. If it's not thalassemia (which I'm not sure how it could be seeing as how my husband and I would both have to be carriers and neither of us think that we are) then I want further tests or something because people's blood cells aren't misshapen for no reason.
If it is thalassemia, depending on the severity he could need lifelong blood transfusions and iron therapy. If not treated a whole host of other problems could result (bone deformities, splee removal, heart problems, etc.)
This morning he was happy and active (as active as one can be when attached to an iv drip via the head), although he still has dreadful diarhhea. He's napping now. I'll be missing school tomorrow. It's funny how I can't imagine missing school most days but when somehting like this comes up there's not even a question of where I'll be come Monday.
Continue to keep our family in your prayers (dua's). I want my baby back home where he belongs.
And now, I'm not sure we're ever leaving.
He hasn't vomitted since Friday, but has horrible diarrhea so they've still got him on an iv so that he doesn't get dehydrated again. Yesterday he perked up a few times for around 5 minutes or so, but the rest of the day he just laid around and wanted rocked. I rocked him so long that I watched 8 episodes of Little Mosque on the Prairie via youtube.
They haven't mentioned the EKG that was sent to Riley Children's Hospital since Friday...? The influenza A and B tests came back negative. His 'stool' came back positive for blood and also infection. They think he has an infection in his intestines but will not know until tomorrow. They've got him on antibiotics anyway to treat the 'probable' cause, I guess.
All these tests have brought a new problem to light, though. His hemoglobin levels are scary low, and his red blood cells are smaller than they should be. They think he could have thalassemia. I hope and pray that that's not the case, but at the same time, I WANT a diagnosis. If it's not thalassemia (which I'm not sure how it could be seeing as how my husband and I would both have to be carriers and neither of us think that we are) then I want further tests or something because people's blood cells aren't misshapen for no reason.
If it is thalassemia, depending on the severity he could need lifelong blood transfusions and iron therapy. If not treated a whole host of other problems could result (bone deformities, splee removal, heart problems, etc.)
This morning he was happy and active (as active as one can be when attached to an iv drip via the head), although he still has dreadful diarhhea. He's napping now. I'll be missing school tomorrow. It's funny how I can't imagine missing school most days but when somehting like this comes up there's not even a question of where I'll be come Monday.
Continue to keep our family in your prayers (dua's). I want my baby back home where he belongs.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Yesterday was plain awful.....
and today was 1,000,000 times worse!
Yesterday I accidentally threw my wedding ring away. I watched myself throw it away. There was never a point when I didn't know where it was. I was in the bathroom at school, I dried my hands, and it slid off and into the trashcan with the paper towel. This was a night class, so the trash can was FULL. I removed every piece of trash. Still, no ring. I then began going through each piece individually...ewwwww! swine flu, anyone? I did find it, although I still feel dirty.
Later that night, my son fell off of the changing table. I feel like a horrible mother admitting it. He fell headfirst off the end of the changing table into the hamper. I screamed in horror, he cried in fear/pain, and my dad yelled at my irresponsibility. He was quickly back to normal and playing like usual. My dad kept saying God was watching over him with that hamper, and I COMPLETELY agree! Alhumdulliah he did not get hurt besides a small scrape! But then my dad said, "we need to thank God and Jesus." ugh. Apparently he doesn't realize the Christian church actually believes God = Jesus, Jesus = God. If he understood what they really think about all that trinity stuff, maybe he'd understand my conversion.
So, that was yesterday. If I had typed this yesterday, much more attention would have been paid to detail. But after today, that's nothing.
I am typing from a hospital bed. I am not a patient. My son is. My son is in the hospital. And has been since around 3:30 (it's now midnight). My son had only thrown up that one day since our doctor visit. You may have noticed no updates, that was because he randomly had a week free of vomiting. He had been doing so well, that we no longer expected him to vomit after eating solids, he still HATES solids, but had stopped vomiting, at least. My mom fed him some baby food while I was in class today. I got home around 1:30, breastfed him shortly after, and proceeded to play with him. He was in a wonderful mood. 2 hours after eating (solids), though, the vomiting started. And didn't stop. He vomited six times at home before my mom and I finally got him in the car to go to the emergency room. It wasn't the vomiting that was so scary, it was his unresponsiveness. He was an absolute zombie. Couldn't sit up, his head seemed too heavy for his body, looked just awful. He threw up again on the way to the hospital. My husband met us there and we admitted him. They got him in very quickly because he threw up in the lobby demonstrating just how sick he actually was. Chest/stomach x-ray, CT scan to check for brain damage (due to his fall, alhumdullillah that all checked out okay). Nothing seemed to be showing them anything except for his unresponsiveness, he just LOOKED sick and thankfully they took it seriously. They took his blood and that showed a possible iron-ish (not anemia) deficiency that is more prevalent in middle easterners. When he got back from the CT scan, they tried to give him an IV. He was so dehydrated by this point, though, that they couldn't find his veins. For hours people tried to find his veins. They called a nurse from pediatrics, and then two from the NICU. One of the NICU nurses finally got the IV in a vein in his head. IN HIS HEAD. My son has an IV in his temple.
During all this iv hubub, his heartrate suddenly jumped from a safe/slightly high 165ish (babies are normally much higher than adults) to a frightening 250. I saw the nurses face as she motioned someone to tell the doctor of this new development. Sooo frightening. High heartrate indicates possible fever, so the retook his temperature. The 98 degrees that he arrived with had now jumped to 102.7. This is the point when they tell me he must have an infection, and it could be surrounding his brain. In my mind I think, why do I know this is bad? Brain, infection, MENINGITIS. They think my son could have meningitis. I have a friend who recently had both legs amputated after almost dying from meningitis, and they think my son could have it, as well.
"Mom, we need you to sign the papers for the spinal tap. " spinal fluid. needle. brain. meningitis.
"I'm not sure if my husband's okay with this. Could you give us a chance to decide?"
After being brainwashed by my parents and the doctor that this was the best thing to do, I reluctantly signed the paper. I was then ushered from the room where they'd hurt my baby without me there to comfort him. They. are. hurting. my. baby. is all my brain could think. Once I got back to the waiting room I cried. I leaned on my husband and cried. I went to the bathroom, and sobbed. After slightly composing myself, I sat in the waiting room. They called me back after the procedure, and my son was fine, lol. Better than before the spinal tap, even. Alhumdullillah! The spinal tap was clear and he does NOT have meningitis! Regardless, they gave him tylenol and an antibiotic to fight the fever. They also did an EKG when they sent to Riley Children's Hospital so a cardiologist there could go over it.
So, here we are now, spending the night to be observed. He's sleeping. His fever's down to 100 an his heartrate's 145. Before falling asleep he was laughing and saying mama mama, baba baba. Wonderful to see him back to himself.
But...we still don't know what's wrong. We know what's NOT wrong, which is a step in the right direction. There's no meningitis, no stomach obstruction, no lung problems, and no brain damage. There may be a heart problem, there may be celiac disease, there may be something else entirely.
One day at a time. One day at a time.
There's my update. I'm beat.
Goodnight.
Yesterday I accidentally threw my wedding ring away. I watched myself throw it away. There was never a point when I didn't know where it was. I was in the bathroom at school, I dried my hands, and it slid off and into the trashcan with the paper towel. This was a night class, so the trash can was FULL. I removed every piece of trash. Still, no ring. I then began going through each piece individually...ewwwww! swine flu, anyone? I did find it, although I still feel dirty.
Later that night, my son fell off of the changing table. I feel like a horrible mother admitting it. He fell headfirst off the end of the changing table into the hamper. I screamed in horror, he cried in fear/pain, and my dad yelled at my irresponsibility. He was quickly back to normal and playing like usual. My dad kept saying God was watching over him with that hamper, and I COMPLETELY agree! Alhumdulliah he did not get hurt besides a small scrape! But then my dad said, "we need to thank God and Jesus." ugh. Apparently he doesn't realize the Christian church actually believes God = Jesus, Jesus = God. If he understood what they really think about all that trinity stuff, maybe he'd understand my conversion.
So, that was yesterday. If I had typed this yesterday, much more attention would have been paid to detail. But after today, that's nothing.
I am typing from a hospital bed. I am not a patient. My son is. My son is in the hospital. And has been since around 3:30 (it's now midnight). My son had only thrown up that one day since our doctor visit. You may have noticed no updates, that was because he randomly had a week free of vomiting. He had been doing so well, that we no longer expected him to vomit after eating solids, he still HATES solids, but had stopped vomiting, at least. My mom fed him some baby food while I was in class today. I got home around 1:30, breastfed him shortly after, and proceeded to play with him. He was in a wonderful mood. 2 hours after eating (solids), though, the vomiting started. And didn't stop. He vomited six times at home before my mom and I finally got him in the car to go to the emergency room. It wasn't the vomiting that was so scary, it was his unresponsiveness. He was an absolute zombie. Couldn't sit up, his head seemed too heavy for his body, looked just awful. He threw up again on the way to the hospital. My husband met us there and we admitted him. They got him in very quickly because he threw up in the lobby demonstrating just how sick he actually was. Chest/stomach x-ray, CT scan to check for brain damage (due to his fall, alhumdullillah that all checked out okay). Nothing seemed to be showing them anything except for his unresponsiveness, he just LOOKED sick and thankfully they took it seriously. They took his blood and that showed a possible iron-ish (not anemia) deficiency that is more prevalent in middle easterners. When he got back from the CT scan, they tried to give him an IV. He was so dehydrated by this point, though, that they couldn't find his veins. For hours people tried to find his veins. They called a nurse from pediatrics, and then two from the NICU. One of the NICU nurses finally got the IV in a vein in his head. IN HIS HEAD. My son has an IV in his temple.
During all this iv hubub, his heartrate suddenly jumped from a safe/slightly high 165ish (babies are normally much higher than adults) to a frightening 250. I saw the nurses face as she motioned someone to tell the doctor of this new development. Sooo frightening. High heartrate indicates possible fever, so the retook his temperature. The 98 degrees that he arrived with had now jumped to 102.7. This is the point when they tell me he must have an infection, and it could be surrounding his brain. In my mind I think, why do I know this is bad? Brain, infection, MENINGITIS. They think my son could have meningitis. I have a friend who recently had both legs amputated after almost dying from meningitis, and they think my son could have it, as well.
"Mom, we need you to sign the papers for the spinal tap. " spinal fluid. needle. brain. meningitis.
"I'm not sure if my husband's okay with this. Could you give us a chance to decide?"
After being brainwashed by my parents and the doctor that this was the best thing to do, I reluctantly signed the paper. I was then ushered from the room where they'd hurt my baby without me there to comfort him. They. are. hurting. my. baby. is all my brain could think. Once I got back to the waiting room I cried. I leaned on my husband and cried. I went to the bathroom, and sobbed. After slightly composing myself, I sat in the waiting room. They called me back after the procedure, and my son was fine, lol. Better than before the spinal tap, even. Alhumdullillah! The spinal tap was clear and he does NOT have meningitis! Regardless, they gave him tylenol and an antibiotic to fight the fever. They also did an EKG when they sent to Riley Children's Hospital so a cardiologist there could go over it.
So, here we are now, spending the night to be observed. He's sleeping. His fever's down to 100 an his heartrate's 145. Before falling asleep he was laughing and saying mama mama, baba baba. Wonderful to see him back to himself.
But...we still don't know what's wrong. We know what's NOT wrong, which is a step in the right direction. There's no meningitis, no stomach obstruction, no lung problems, and no brain damage. There may be a heart problem, there may be celiac disease, there may be something else entirely.
One day at a time. One day at a time.
There's my update. I'm beat.
Goodnight.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Fall is Here!
and with winter approaching, I'm going to attempt to crochet a hooded scarf. :) I figure with an undercap, it would work as hijab in the winter, and my parents wouldn't even complain.
Something like this:
I feel empowered knowing I can create this myself for $5 or less when stores are selling them for around $25.
Something like this:
I feel empowered knowing I can create this myself for $5 or less when stores are selling them for around $25.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Not to Infringe on the Fashion Bloggers Out There....
But, I'm left flabbergasted by people's idea of beauty, yet again.
My sister just came to me with her latest issue of Glamour or whatnot (I don't read it, lol, I think that's the one she buys, though). She was in shocked dismay as to what is the "new" style. By "new" style, I mean, yet another style that hit its peak in the 80's and died out through the 90's. Why do these horrible things keep coming back? Leggings, jeans that literally button at your belly button (and sometimes higher, shudder), acid wash jeans (acid wash anything should be outlawed)...
The newest addition to the list: shoulder pads. Because women look SO much better with broad manly shoulders! If you want to look like a football player in your shoulder pads and leggings, that's your business...but the fashion industry is not going to make a buck off of me from this fad, let me tell you.
+
=
I can only see this all heading in one direction.
Stirrup pants.
Oh. No. I just googled stirrup pants to get an image.
...turns out I missed the memo. They are ALREADY back!
We had progressed so far in the past 20 years only to lose it all. If we're going to revert to clothing from decades past, why not go a little further back, say 1900? You know, when women still had class and some semblance of modesty.
PHOTO DELETED FOR PRIVACY
And yes, that's me. Age 18. Acting. I miss acting, but it seems most plays would compromise my modesty...also, my husband has forbade me to play any more "love" roles...which cuts out a lot. As in, the above play. Ah, on trial to save my "love" from the gallows. I realize I'm not wearing hijab in the picture, so thought about not posting it. But, a simple google search would bring up the same photo on the theather website, and I don't even wear hijab to university yet, so I thought I'd go ahead. When hijab is more a part of my identity and my faith I will probably come back and remove it.
Just as with all my posts, I sidetracked from the main topic in the final paragraph. My English teachers would throw a fit.
My sister just came to me with her latest issue of Glamour or whatnot (I don't read it, lol, I think that's the one she buys, though). She was in shocked dismay as to what is the "new" style. By "new" style, I mean, yet another style that hit its peak in the 80's and died out through the 90's. Why do these horrible things keep coming back? Leggings, jeans that literally button at your belly button (and sometimes higher, shudder), acid wash jeans (acid wash anything should be outlawed)...
The newest addition to the list: shoulder pads. Because women look SO much better with broad manly shoulders! If you want to look like a football player in your shoulder pads and leggings, that's your business...but the fashion industry is not going to make a buck off of me from this fad, let me tell you.
+
=
I can only see this all heading in one direction.
Stirrup pants.
Oh. No. I just googled stirrup pants to get an image.
...turns out I missed the memo. They are ALREADY back!We had progressed so far in the past 20 years only to lose it all. If we're going to revert to clothing from decades past, why not go a little further back, say 1900? You know, when women still had class and some semblance of modesty.
PHOTO DELETED FOR PRIVACY
And yes, that's me. Age 18. Acting. I miss acting, but it seems most plays would compromise my modesty...also, my husband has forbade me to play any more "love" roles...which cuts out a lot. As in, the above play. Ah, on trial to save my "love" from the gallows. I realize I'm not wearing hijab in the picture, so thought about not posting it. But, a simple google search would bring up the same photo on the theather website, and I don't even wear hijab to university yet, so I thought I'd go ahead. When hijab is more a part of my identity and my faith I will probably come back and remove it.
Just as with all my posts, I sidetracked from the main topic in the final paragraph. My English teachers would throw a fit.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Too Busy
I'm still lurking on people's blogs. Reading posts, and enjoying them, of course. But with school, tutoring, and my son I really don't have time to type anything of substance. :( I've longed to reply to some thought provoking posts, but I knew that thinking through and typing my response would take too much time.
It seems like everyday's just going through the motions.
I started tutoring today. He really can't read. But yet he loves to read. That's rare, I really want to help him, though. The program the school's had him in for over two years now obviously hasn't helped much. I've got 10 weeks to make a difference in this boy's life.
He said he wanted to read about spongebob. So I ordered a spongebob phonics set as soon as I got home. I WILL teach this boy to read.
In other news, hubby and I celebrated our two year anniversary. We had agreed to not get one another gifts...I really didn't get him anything, and he got me flowers and a beautiful bracelet. Very thoughtful, but now I feel bad!
His birthday's next month. I'm going to make him yummy food and a jell-o cake. I have had the misfortune of finding out that jell-o brand jell-o is not halal. :( So I just ordered a case of kosher (vegetarian) jello (kojel) off of amazon. 24 boxes, lol. It'll take me years to go through...
It seems like everyday's just going through the motions.
I started tutoring today. He really can't read. But yet he loves to read. That's rare, I really want to help him, though. The program the school's had him in for over two years now obviously hasn't helped much. I've got 10 weeks to make a difference in this boy's life.
He said he wanted to read about spongebob. So I ordered a spongebob phonics set as soon as I got home. I WILL teach this boy to read.
In other news, hubby and I celebrated our two year anniversary. We had agreed to not get one another gifts...I really didn't get him anything, and he got me flowers and a beautiful bracelet. Very thoughtful, but now I feel bad!
His birthday's next month. I'm going to make him yummy food and a jell-o cake. I have had the misfortune of finding out that jell-o brand jell-o is not halal. :( So I just ordered a case of kosher (vegetarian) jello (kojel) off of amazon. 24 boxes, lol. It'll take me years to go through...
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Update on My Son
The doctor's visit went well. She felt his stomach and felt no lumps or bumps, also, he didn't seem pained when she pressed on his stomach. These were apparently good signs.
I wasn't happy with her diagnosis (or lack thereof) though. She decided that they must have all been independent episodes most likely viral in nature.
So my son has caught a virus, three times in three weeks, and it only affects him for about 4 hours. AND it only affects him on days when he eats solid foods.
Uh-huh.
"Why does he refuse to eat all solids that he once enjoyed?" (by solids I mean purees, he still has no teeth and shows no interest in table foods)
"He's just very picky."
Uh-huh.
So, I didn't feel like I got much at the doctor's office. Don't get me wrong, I love my son's pediatrician, and she made me feel all sunshine and flowers in her office....
that is, until my son started vomiting again today. Today it was squash and pears...no grain products.
He is basically force fed solids every other day while I'm at school. It's progressed from eating foods and liking them, to forcing him to eat, to forcing him to eat and then watching him throw it all up about 2.5 hours later.
This is a frightening progression that I'd like to put a stop to. The vomiting is becoming more frequent and I'm scared. I don't know where to go from here. Any suggestions?
I wasn't happy with her diagnosis (or lack thereof) though. She decided that they must have all been independent episodes most likely viral in nature.
So my son has caught a virus, three times in three weeks, and it only affects him for about 4 hours. AND it only affects him on days when he eats solid foods.
Uh-huh.
"Why does he refuse to eat all solids that he once enjoyed?" (by solids I mean purees, he still has no teeth and shows no interest in table foods)
"He's just very picky."
Uh-huh.
So, I didn't feel like I got much at the doctor's office. Don't get me wrong, I love my son's pediatrician, and she made me feel all sunshine and flowers in her office....
that is, until my son started vomiting again today. Today it was squash and pears...no grain products.
He is basically force fed solids every other day while I'm at school. It's progressed from eating foods and liking them, to forcing him to eat, to forcing him to eat and then watching him throw it all up about 2.5 hours later.
This is a frightening progression that I'd like to put a stop to. The vomiting is becoming more frequent and I'm scared. I don't know where to go from here. Any suggestions?
Monday, September 14, 2009
Doctor Tomorrow
My son has a food problem.
Vomiting.
Vomiting.
Vomiting.
The first couple times you assume it's a stomach bug. But one day a week (w/4 or5 vomits) is just too frequent.
Then I noticed a pattern. He always throws up about 2.5 hours after eating oatmeal.
Cut oatmeal out of his diet.
Today. Corn. First time.
2.5 hours later.....
vomit.
And 3 times since then.
I, of course, started my 'online diagnosis.' I think he has FPIES. Which would put a fairly significant limit on what he can eat.
Tomorrow we'll see what the dr. has to say. My proper 'online diagnoses' rating is probably about 50% accuracy.
Seeing him so weak and limp makes me want to cry. I feel so helpless.
Vomiting.
Vomiting.
Vomiting.
The first couple times you assume it's a stomach bug. But one day a week (w/4 or5 vomits) is just too frequent.
Then I noticed a pattern. He always throws up about 2.5 hours after eating oatmeal.
Cut oatmeal out of his diet.
Today. Corn. First time.
2.5 hours later.....
vomit.
And 3 times since then.
I, of course, started my 'online diagnosis.' I think he has FPIES. Which would put a fairly significant limit on what he can eat.
Tomorrow we'll see what the dr. has to say. My proper 'online diagnoses' rating is probably about 50% accuracy.
Seeing him so weak and limp makes me want to cry. I feel so helpless.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
You guessed it...my dad, again. :(
I am not to move to a Muslim "stronghold" because then I will be doing lots of "Muslim things" and my son won't be raised "American" or Christian.
He was talking about Muslim communities in America...but apparently those people are not American-enough for him. We just spent the entire four day holiday celebrating our Italian heritage, our entire Italian community did. That's right, we live in an Italian community. Italian flags line the street, signs are sometimes written in Italian, and I bet you couldn't pronounce many of the last names of the people living here, including my last name. We eat Italian food, we mix Italian words into our speech, there was an entire display at the festival devoted to MY family. My grandmother and her 11 brothers and sisters. We have been raised to be proud of our heritage, but my son can not be proud of the Saudi part of him, because they're Muslim. It's almost a curse word to my father.
Was I not raised American because of the community I grew up in? Or again, is that just a Muslim thing? Muslims are not Americans?
My father converted from Catholicism to Protestantism upon meeting my mother, to the dismay of his relatives, I am sure. If he has religious freedom, why don't I? If he can be Italian and Protestant...why can't my son and I be American and Muslim?
He had the audacity to imply that I do not care about my son in regard to religion. "You obviously didn't think all of your past actions through, or you wouldn't be in this situation. Well, think through where you're going to live very seriously, because (your son's salvation) depends upon it."
As though I don't care about my son and his religious upbringing. That's what led me to Islam in the first place! I was worried about my son being taught the wrong thing! But my research led me to a different conclusion than I had anticipated, and for my son's sake more than my own, I knew I had to go down the straight path no matter how difficult the familial consequences.
I've been trying to think of the perfect time to tell my parents. I wanted to wait until after I moved out, but these uncomfortable semi-confrontations w/my dad are just too frequent. If I'm already living with constant conflict with my parents due to possible conversion, why not just get the truth out there. Yes, the conflict will be greater, but hopefully, it will be shortened. Heh, wishful thinking?
They're anniversary is this month. 30 years. They're celebrating out of town and I want to give them that time together without nagging thoughts of my damnation looming over their heads. I think maybe the very end of September/beginning of October. Typing that 'out loud' gave me horrendous butterflies. I'm terrified, absolutely terrified. I've already written 'the letter,' it's just the timing I haven't figured out. After their anniversary, but long enough before Christmas for things to settle down a bit?
What do you think? While I live with them, so I'm under their roof and the reconciliation process is forced to proceed, or once I'm living with my husband so that I don't have to face their disappointment, preaching, and heartbroken-ness day in and day out?
Scares me to death, it does.
He was talking about Muslim communities in America...but apparently those people are not American-enough for him. We just spent the entire four day holiday celebrating our Italian heritage, our entire Italian community did. That's right, we live in an Italian community. Italian flags line the street, signs are sometimes written in Italian, and I bet you couldn't pronounce many of the last names of the people living here, including my last name. We eat Italian food, we mix Italian words into our speech, there was an entire display at the festival devoted to MY family. My grandmother and her 11 brothers and sisters. We have been raised to be proud of our heritage, but my son can not be proud of the Saudi part of him, because they're Muslim. It's almost a curse word to my father.
Was I not raised American because of the community I grew up in? Or again, is that just a Muslim thing? Muslims are not Americans?
My father converted from Catholicism to Protestantism upon meeting my mother, to the dismay of his relatives, I am sure. If he has religious freedom, why don't I? If he can be Italian and Protestant...why can't my son and I be American and Muslim?
He had the audacity to imply that I do not care about my son in regard to religion. "You obviously didn't think all of your past actions through, or you wouldn't be in this situation. Well, think through where you're going to live very seriously, because (your son's salvation) depends upon it."
As though I don't care about my son and his religious upbringing. That's what led me to Islam in the first place! I was worried about my son being taught the wrong thing! But my research led me to a different conclusion than I had anticipated, and for my son's sake more than my own, I knew I had to go down the straight path no matter how difficult the familial consequences.
I've been trying to think of the perfect time to tell my parents. I wanted to wait until after I moved out, but these uncomfortable semi-confrontations w/my dad are just too frequent. If I'm already living with constant conflict with my parents due to possible conversion, why not just get the truth out there. Yes, the conflict will be greater, but hopefully, it will be shortened. Heh, wishful thinking?
They're anniversary is this month. 30 years. They're celebrating out of town and I want to give them that time together without nagging thoughts of my damnation looming over their heads. I think maybe the very end of September/beginning of October. Typing that 'out loud' gave me horrendous butterflies. I'm terrified, absolutely terrified. I've already written 'the letter,' it's just the timing I haven't figured out. After their anniversary, but long enough before Christmas for things to settle down a bit?
What do you think? While I live with them, so I'm under their roof and the reconciliation process is forced to proceed, or once I'm living with my husband so that I don't have to face their disappointment, preaching, and heartbroken-ness day in and day out?
Scares me to death, it does.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Children
are just wonderful. They know no boundaries. They either don't realize people are different, or if they do realize, they don't see differences as a bad thing. When you are a child, seeing someone different makes them special. "Mommy there are two black kids in my class!" stated an ecstatic Nikki meeting her first African Americans in the first grade. " "Mommy, Amy has braces on her legs and they pull her in a wagon!" (Amy has since become my best friend, does not have braces on her legs any longer, was on the high school dance team with me and was my doubles tennis partner...true story)
Adulthood is different. You see someone different and you feel sorry for them. You think that your reality is so much better than theirs.
Everyone is curious when encountering differences...EVERYONE. But only children have the courage to march up and ask while all the adults act like they aren't eavesdropping to hear the answer.
Today I went to the park with my son. I wore hijab. I felt pretty when I left the house, jeans, black turtle neck, white eyelet shirtdress, and the brightest red/pink hijab you ever laid eyes on. I felt pretty until I got out of the car. Pushing my son around the park in his stroller I felt that the people I passed pitied me. I can't read minds, but you know when you stand out like a sore thumb. I didn't so much get the hostile vibe as the 'poor thing, must be hot in that getup...bet her husband/father made her wear it' vibe.
I got uncomfortable walking around, so I parked the stroller at a park swing, placed my son on my lap and watched the children play. A little boy sat down beside me. It didn't bother him that i had on an electric red hijab. Perhaps it even made him like me. Nevertheless, this little boy sat down. And I talked to him. His caregiver (who was at the end of her rope because he was giving her quite the hard time) ended up joining us. I could tell she was uncomfortable at first, wondering if the Muslim woman on the swing would be bothered by her small charge, and then wondering what in the world she would talk about while on a swing with a Muslim woman. She needn't worry, though, I love children, and I quickly started a conversation with her about our boys. I bet at first she was surprised at my English, but she hid it well if she was, and I'm pleased to say that when she took a call on her cell phone (that I'm sure she thought I couldn't hear) she said 'a woman on a swing' and not 'a Muslim woman on a swing.' This woman is a-okay, in my book. Maybe she had previous experiences, or maybe today was the first time that her eyes were opened to the humanity of Islam. Too often, I think, Muslim sisters keep to themselves for fear of discrimination. Some people misinterpret it as a feeling of superiority, though, and new prejudices and stereotypes are developed.
Children are our common ground. Children are not born with prejudice or fear. Children can bring us all together.
This is my amazing friend Khadija. She is a refugee. She has been through more hell on earth than I will insha'Allah ever experience. I was looking for pictures of children online but then thought of the amazing children I worked with at Refugee Family Services. I volunteered there for only a week, and I will never be the same. I would love to move there and work full time after graduation...but I don't think my husband was very fond of that state. I also know my family would complain about how far we'd be.... I'd really like to be there, though, if not there, then another place like it. I have never met such amazing people before in my life. Ahhh...reminiscing...sorry. :)
Adulthood is different. You see someone different and you feel sorry for them. You think that your reality is so much better than theirs.
Everyone is curious when encountering differences...EVERYONE. But only children have the courage to march up and ask while all the adults act like they aren't eavesdropping to hear the answer.
Today I went to the park with my son. I wore hijab. I felt pretty when I left the house, jeans, black turtle neck, white eyelet shirtdress, and the brightest red/pink hijab you ever laid eyes on. I felt pretty until I got out of the car. Pushing my son around the park in his stroller I felt that the people I passed pitied me. I can't read minds, but you know when you stand out like a sore thumb. I didn't so much get the hostile vibe as the 'poor thing, must be hot in that getup...bet her husband/father made her wear it' vibe.
I got uncomfortable walking around, so I parked the stroller at a park swing, placed my son on my lap and watched the children play. A little boy sat down beside me. It didn't bother him that i had on an electric red hijab. Perhaps it even made him like me. Nevertheless, this little boy sat down. And I talked to him. His caregiver (who was at the end of her rope because he was giving her quite the hard time) ended up joining us. I could tell she was uncomfortable at first, wondering if the Muslim woman on the swing would be bothered by her small charge, and then wondering what in the world she would talk about while on a swing with a Muslim woman. She needn't worry, though, I love children, and I quickly started a conversation with her about our boys. I bet at first she was surprised at my English, but she hid it well if she was, and I'm pleased to say that when she took a call on her cell phone (that I'm sure she thought I couldn't hear) she said 'a woman on a swing' and not 'a Muslim woman on a swing.' This woman is a-okay, in my book. Maybe she had previous experiences, or maybe today was the first time that her eyes were opened to the humanity of Islam. Too often, I think, Muslim sisters keep to themselves for fear of discrimination. Some people misinterpret it as a feeling of superiority, though, and new prejudices and stereotypes are developed.
Children are our common ground. Children are not born with prejudice or fear. Children can bring us all together.
This is my amazing friend Khadija. She is a refugee. She has been through more hell on earth than I will insha'Allah ever experience. I was looking for pictures of children online but then thought of the amazing children I worked with at Refugee Family Services. I volunteered there for only a week, and I will never be the same. I would love to move there and work full time after graduation...but I don't think my husband was very fond of that state. I also know my family would complain about how far we'd be.... I'd really like to be there, though, if not there, then another place like it. I have never met such amazing people before in my life. Ahhh...reminiscing...sorry. :)Friday, September 4, 2009
So Many Things Going Through My Head
It seems there's no time to post between school and my son. I barely even get to see my husband anymore now that we've both got completely different schedules. (except for our awful 'masculine' literature class...shudder)
I really don't have it that bad. I've got Tuesdays and Thursdays off from now until October. Okay, so it's not that long, but still, I'll take what I can get, of course!
I was in the process of typing a post about hijab, and now I want to type about nostalgia, and I also had something in the works about Alzheimers.
Oh, and I wanted to fill you all in on my Arabic class.
BUT...it's 2 in the morning. My son's been in bed for hours and I should've gone then, as well.
Insha'Allah I'll find time sometime...but I still really want to finish the Qur'an over Ramadan and I'm not doing very good. :/
Too too busy.
So, all I'll type...It's Labor Day Weekend! No school again until Wednesday. My town is hosting a festival. This festival celebrates the town's Italian heritage and immigrants in general. The street is lined with Italian flags and 30 different flags are all flying in immigrant square next to the coal fountain and drinking fountain brought from Italy. We have it every year on Labor Day weekend. It's a big deal to me (I am Italian, second generation Italian-American), and my husband doesn't understand it (and if there was a KSA festival he wouldn't go?). Tonight was the parade and he did not attend with me. I, therefore, hung out with my parents since my friends are all 21+ and spending the weekend drinking (Italians are known for their wine). After the parade we went down to the festival grounds. I saw a couple friends that I kind of lost contact with after my son was born. Some, the contact was lost partially (or fully) on purpose. But it was nice to be civil, exchange pleasantries, give short 'where I am in life' updates, and move on. The highlight of my night came in the form of three Japanese girls. If you knew my town, you'd realize how strange a sight this is. My town is white through and through...African American's are rarities and are all assumed to be 'half.' Sounds awful, but it's the truth. (and we wonder why my husband's wanting to move elsewhere)
Anyway, while ordering a Pepsi I stumbled upon a friend of my brother's and his girlfriend. The girlfriend, who was a freshman in highschool when I was a senior, said, "How do you like your Arabic class?" I say, "It's really fun...wait, how do you know I'm taking Arabic?" She explains that she's a friend of my teacher's (Layla, who I found out is from Bahrain). She then introduces me to her Japanese roomate and two other Japanese study abroad students that are at our university for the year. They oo'd and aah'd over my son and gave him the title of 'cutest baby in the world.' They were soooo sweet and interesting to talk to. Of course, my love for all things cultural is why I'm minoring in ESL. I get along with foreigners better than I get along with Americans half the time. They were just so genuine and honestly wanted to talk to me as opposed to the obligation felt by my peers mentioned in the above paragraph.
It was just nice. I wish I would have gotten their phone numbers, or e-mail addresses, or at least the number of the girl that went to my high school and is friends with my Arabic teacher. I am in the market for friends, as you know, and this was the best opportunity thus far. But...I missed it.
I'd like Muslim friends. But I don't wear hijab and when I see hijabis on campus and try to smile they generally just ignore me. I also have a fear that even if we were to become friends, that once they found out I was Shia that they would start thinking bad things about me. There's a Muslim American in my Arabic class that also doesn't wear hijab. She was raised Muslim by African American parents. I think I want to talk to her. Share my religious journey with someone in person. You all are great, but nobody in my real life (aside from my husband and his family in KSA) knows....it's a lonely journey.
I remember now...I also want to write a post about gossip.
ALSO, offensive float in the parade...only it was probably only offensive to me. A lot of churches participate in the parade, therefore I saw a number of 'Jesus Saves' floats, each one making me feel more guilty than the last for 'forsaking' Jesus. I was feeling guilty until a float came by with a teen in a white strapless prom dress next to a teen in a tux. Behind them, a man dressed like Jesus with his arms crossed over his chest in a 'I'm just that good' kind of way. In between them, a fountain spray of purple liquid. Motto "Jesus's first miracle, turning water into wine." It's an Italian festival, and there is an emphasis on wine, (hence, the museo del vino...i.e. wine museum...and the wine garden, where all my friends probably were, and the stomping of grapes...which is fun, squishy, and disgusting all at the same time) SO, I think they were playing off of the Italy/wine thing...BUT, degrading Jesus into simply the guy who provides the open bar at the wedding really ticked me off. Not only was there a fount of 'wine' on the float, but there was like, club music playing in the background. It just totally gave off the 'Life with Jesus is one big party' vibe to me. Ugh. Sometimes I still worry if I made the right choice religiously, but one thing I'm sure of, is that the respect and modesty in Islam far surpasses that of modern, mainstream Christianity, and I really really like that. Insha'Allah I will grow in my faith everyday and have more and more eye-opening moments.
Now it's 2:45. Bedtime.
Ma'alsalamah Ladies
I really don't have it that bad. I've got Tuesdays and Thursdays off from now until October. Okay, so it's not that long, but still, I'll take what I can get, of course!
I was in the process of typing a post about hijab, and now I want to type about nostalgia, and I also had something in the works about Alzheimers.
Oh, and I wanted to fill you all in on my Arabic class.
BUT...it's 2 in the morning. My son's been in bed for hours and I should've gone then, as well.
Insha'Allah I'll find time sometime...but I still really want to finish the Qur'an over Ramadan and I'm not doing very good. :/
Too too busy.
So, all I'll type...It's Labor Day Weekend! No school again until Wednesday. My town is hosting a festival. This festival celebrates the town's Italian heritage and immigrants in general. The street is lined with Italian flags and 30 different flags are all flying in immigrant square next to the coal fountain and drinking fountain brought from Italy. We have it every year on Labor Day weekend. It's a big deal to me (I am Italian, second generation Italian-American), and my husband doesn't understand it (and if there was a KSA festival he wouldn't go?). Tonight was the parade and he did not attend with me. I, therefore, hung out with my parents since my friends are all 21+ and spending the weekend drinking (Italians are known for their wine). After the parade we went down to the festival grounds. I saw a couple friends that I kind of lost contact with after my son was born. Some, the contact was lost partially (or fully) on purpose. But it was nice to be civil, exchange pleasantries, give short 'where I am in life' updates, and move on. The highlight of my night came in the form of three Japanese girls. If you knew my town, you'd realize how strange a sight this is. My town is white through and through...African American's are rarities and are all assumed to be 'half.' Sounds awful, but it's the truth. (and we wonder why my husband's wanting to move elsewhere)
Anyway, while ordering a Pepsi I stumbled upon a friend of my brother's and his girlfriend. The girlfriend, who was a freshman in highschool when I was a senior, said, "How do you like your Arabic class?" I say, "It's really fun...wait, how do you know I'm taking Arabic?" She explains that she's a friend of my teacher's (Layla, who I found out is from Bahrain). She then introduces me to her Japanese roomate and two other Japanese study abroad students that are at our university for the year. They oo'd and aah'd over my son and gave him the title of 'cutest baby in the world.' They were soooo sweet and interesting to talk to. Of course, my love for all things cultural is why I'm minoring in ESL. I get along with foreigners better than I get along with Americans half the time. They were just so genuine and honestly wanted to talk to me as opposed to the obligation felt by my peers mentioned in the above paragraph.
It was just nice. I wish I would have gotten their phone numbers, or e-mail addresses, or at least the number of the girl that went to my high school and is friends with my Arabic teacher. I am in the market for friends, as you know, and this was the best opportunity thus far. But...I missed it.
I'd like Muslim friends. But I don't wear hijab and when I see hijabis on campus and try to smile they generally just ignore me. I also have a fear that even if we were to become friends, that once they found out I was Shia that they would start thinking bad things about me. There's a Muslim American in my Arabic class that also doesn't wear hijab. She was raised Muslim by African American parents. I think I want to talk to her. Share my religious journey with someone in person. You all are great, but nobody in my real life (aside from my husband and his family in KSA) knows....it's a lonely journey.
I remember now...I also want to write a post about gossip.
ALSO, offensive float in the parade...only it was probably only offensive to me. A lot of churches participate in the parade, therefore I saw a number of 'Jesus Saves' floats, each one making me feel more guilty than the last for 'forsaking' Jesus. I was feeling guilty until a float came by with a teen in a white strapless prom dress next to a teen in a tux. Behind them, a man dressed like Jesus with his arms crossed over his chest in a 'I'm just that good' kind of way. In between them, a fountain spray of purple liquid. Motto "Jesus's first miracle, turning water into wine." It's an Italian festival, and there is an emphasis on wine, (hence, the museo del vino...i.e. wine museum...and the wine garden, where all my friends probably were, and the stomping of grapes...which is fun, squishy, and disgusting all at the same time) SO, I think they were playing off of the Italy/wine thing...BUT, degrading Jesus into simply the guy who provides the open bar at the wedding really ticked me off. Not only was there a fount of 'wine' on the float, but there was like, club music playing in the background. It just totally gave off the 'Life with Jesus is one big party' vibe to me. Ugh. Sometimes I still worry if I made the right choice religiously, but one thing I'm sure of, is that the respect and modesty in Islam far surpasses that of modern, mainstream Christianity, and I really really like that. Insha'Allah I will grow in my faith everyday and have more and more eye-opening moments.
Now it's 2:45. Bedtime.
Ma'alsalamah Ladies
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Ironic
I bought 5 textbooks off of half.com/ebay for a class that I ended up dropping before school even began.
I didn't want to waste my money. So I put the books up for sale on half.com. Someone bought four of the five.
I was given his address, and it was the same town that hubby lives in/our university is in.
I proceeded to e-mail the man, asking if he was a student at my university, and asking if he needed the books for LLL 250. (the course I dropped)
Turned out, yes on both counts, so instead of shipping him his books I am personally dropping them off at his class. AND giving him a check to reimburse what they charged him for shipping.
He got quite the deal, he did.
I've never sold anything online before. For some reason, I don't think this is how it usually works.
I didn't want to waste my money. So I put the books up for sale on half.com. Someone bought four of the five.
I was given his address, and it was the same town that hubby lives in/our university is in.
I proceeded to e-mail the man, asking if he was a student at my university, and asking if he needed the books for LLL 250. (the course I dropped)
Turned out, yes on both counts, so instead of shipping him his books I am personally dropping them off at his class. AND giving him a check to reimburse what they charged him for shipping.
He got quite the deal, he did.
I've never sold anything online before. For some reason, I don't think this is how it usually works.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Suffolk Man Accused of Threatening Muslim Woman
Suffolk Man Accused of Threatening Muslim Woman
Lazeena at Is there Food on My Niqab first brought my attention to this article.
The article she linked to was on a different site. The article itself is disturbing enough....but I have this obsession with reading comments on things like this. I thought 'Of course everybody will agree that this man is deranged!' Even before I was Muslim, I would have thought this man was a crazy racist bigot. Even before I was married to a Muslim, I would have thought that this man was a crazy racist bigot. This is NOT a matter of, well, I'm a Muslim, so I will side with the women. This is a clear cut matter of RIGHT and WRONG. Two Muslim women, wearing the dress of their choice, minding their own business vs. a violent hater of all things Islam who admits to wanting to cut them up. CUT THEM UP.
Hmmm. It's a tough one, really.
GAH! People make me SICK. I will post some of the comments here. There is almost no one on this site standing up for the Muslim women...they were threatened but yet THEY are wrong????
Here are the ignorant, Islamaphobic comments of my fellow countrymen. If my family didn't live here, I'd be on the first plane to Canada. Although Canada probably has its own share of racist pricks. Anyway, enjoy. Or not:
Lazeena at Is there Food on My Niqab first brought my attention to this article.
The article she linked to was on a different site. The article itself is disturbing enough....but I have this obsession with reading comments on things like this. I thought 'Of course everybody will agree that this man is deranged!' Even before I was Muslim, I would have thought this man was a crazy racist bigot. Even before I was married to a Muslim, I would have thought that this man was a crazy racist bigot. This is NOT a matter of, well, I'm a Muslim, so I will side with the women. This is a clear cut matter of RIGHT and WRONG. Two Muslim women, wearing the dress of their choice, minding their own business vs. a violent hater of all things Islam who admits to wanting to cut them up. CUT THEM UP.
Hmmm. It's a tough one, really.
GAH! People make me SICK. I will post some of the comments here. There is almost no one on this site standing up for the Muslim women...they were threatened but yet THEY are wrong????
Here are the ignorant, Islamaphobic comments of my fellow countrymen. If my family didn't live here, I'd be on the first plane to Canada. Although Canada probably has its own share of racist pricks. Anyway, enjoy. Or not:
BIG DICK CHENEY wrote:
THEY SHOULD PIN A MEDAL ON THIS GUY
8/28/2009 7:44 AM EDT
Krissy wrote:
Before you all condemn him as guilty, wait to hear all the facts. Just because two Muslim, one of whom is obviously a jail house convert (Chervern Cartier), accused him of something doesnt make it a fact. We dont know if the women provoked the man or not, or if their allegations are true. I for one would be suspect of the women.
8/28/2009 8:23 AM EDT
islamis4creeps wrote:
This gut is a hero. Any of these freaks hiding under their black robes (in 90f temps, mind you) need to GET OUT. They have no interest in being american, just to to it to destroy it from within. Too bad he didn't finish the job!
8/28/2009 8:35 AM EDT
Lou (bx67) wrote:
I think Suffolk County Detective Sgt. Robert Reecks and County Executive Steve Levy need to get their heads examined. With pliable, mindless, America-hating Libs like those, Suffolk County will be unrecognizable in no time. It's already overrun with illegal alien Latinos. What these Libs fail to understand is that when these people from the Third-World reach critical mass as a population, their arrogance will have no mercy on them. They will take over and they will not show the same kind of "courtesy" to people not of their kind. They come from cultures that don't recognize equal rights and political correctness.
8/28/2009 9:03 AM EDT
Krissy wrote:
I believe that Islam is not a true religion, rather I believe they worship the same spirit that approached Jesus in the Desert. When asked to fall down and worship the spirit, Jesus said no, he only worshiped the true god, whereas Mohammed said yes.
Krissy wrote:
I believe that Islam is not a true religion, rather I believe they worship the same spirit that approached Jesus in the Desert. When asked to fall down and worship the spirit, Jesus said no, he only worshiped the true god, whereas Mohammed said yes.
8/28/2009 9:42 AM EDT
zamir6 wrote:
He should be arrested for not running them over. Get rid of them before they take over the U.S. and that means sending b.o. and his family to kenya or indonesia.
Send them back where they came from. If they are American born, then send them to the moslim country of their choice.
Send them back where they came from. If they are American born, then send them to the moslim country of their choice.
8/28/2009 10:22 AM EDT
George123 wrote:
I guarantee, if the husband/father didn't force them, they wouldn't be walking around in those "burqas".
Letting a muslim creep make his family prisoners like that is what's at the root of this guy's outburst... he just doesn't know it. He should have channeled his anger, followed them home and then attacked the muslim tyrant with a tire iron, to show them that their "master" ain't so tough afterall.
Letting a muslim creep make his family prisoners like that is what's at the root of this guy's outburst... he just doesn't know it. He should have channeled his anger, followed them home and then attacked the muslim tyrant with a tire iron, to show them that their "master" ain't so tough afterall.
8/28/2009 2:02 PM EDT
islamis4creeps wrote:
I think about sawing the heads of innocent little muslim women and kids with a dull spoon more and more each day all the while shouting allahu snackbar whilst eating some cheetos with my free hand (this requires a vise and a couple of c clamps)
a salaam a snake 'em you backward lost tribes of Ham
a salaam a snake 'em you backward lost tribes of Ham
8/28/2009 4:42 PM EDT
So much hate. So much misunderstanding.
I guess that means I'm getting deported to the Muslim country of my choice...even though my family came from Italy two generations ago.
It's hard not to hate right back. So hard.
So much hate. So much misunderstanding.
I guess that means I'm getting deported to the Muslim country of my choice...even though my family came from Italy two generations ago.
It's hard not to hate right back. So hard.
Friday, August 28, 2009
In Sickness and In Health
My son is sick. He's thrown up 4 times just since I've been home from school.
It breaks my heart to see him so weak and uncomfortable.
Insh'Allah he will get through this quickly and without dehydration.
I think sickness is sometimes harder on the parents than the children. You should see how upset my husband is. When the doctor said he didn't need to be seen, hubby was ready to head to the emergency room. Talking him out of it was no picnic, let me tell you.
I hate seeing our son sick just as much as hubby does, but I know how medical assistance works in the U.S....thus, I know that you don't go to the emergency room unless it is REALLY an emergency.
Waitng for hubby to get home with the pedialyte. Our son won't eat so we've got to keep him hydrated somehow.
I've got homework to do...but who can concentrate?
It breaks my heart to see him so weak and uncomfortable.
Insh'Allah he will get through this quickly and without dehydration.
I think sickness is sometimes harder on the parents than the children. You should see how upset my husband is. When the doctor said he didn't need to be seen, hubby was ready to head to the emergency room. Talking him out of it was no picnic, let me tell you.
I hate seeing our son sick just as much as hubby does, but I know how medical assistance works in the U.S....thus, I know that you don't go to the emergency room unless it is REALLY an emergency.
Waitng for hubby to get home with the pedialyte. Our son won't eat so we've got to keep him hydrated somehow.
I've got homework to do...but who can concentrate?
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
First Day Recap
7:30 am - My father wakes me up saying, "Didn't you set your clock for 7?"" Grrr....I must've turned it off in my sleep again!
8:00 am - I look decent enough to call myself 'ready.' And start to feed my son.
8:25 am - I rush out the door as my mom finishes up my son's diaper change
9:00 am - ELED 394 Teaching Elementary School Math Fun class, difficult pre-test. Super enthusiastic teacher...I think I'd share her enthusiasm better a bit later in the day, though.
10:00 am - ELED 398 Corrective Reading in the Classroom Another fun class, another SUPER enthusiastic teacher. I love this professor. She's my advisor so knows quite a bit about my personal life. She bragged to the class about how adorable my son is and that's always welcome, lol. Our homework is to decorate a box w/pictures of our family, friends, and things that are important to us. I love ELED homework! So glad I'm not going for business. *shudder*
11:00 am - ENG 239 Depictions of Masculinity in Literature and Film. Need I say more? The most uncomfortable experience in college thus far. My husband's in there w/me and it's so awkward to be in a room full of people throwing around words like 'cock' 'whore' 'pimp' and talking about sexual conquests like they're a good thing!
12:00 noon - ARBC 101 Elementary Arabic. Hooray! My teacher, Layla, is SUCH a sweetheart. I've yet to figure out what country she is from but I'm sure she'll share more as the semester progresses. It's her first time teaching (she just graduated in Jan.) so that makes me a bit nervous because I -really- want to learn something. All teachers have to have a first year, though.
1:40 pm - Arrive at home to the utter delight of my son! He loves me!
Aside from the above synopsis...I also have SOC 100 online, ELED 394/398L (lab...this is my practicum in an actual elementary school) starting in October, and ELED 485 which meets on Thursday nights at 5. AND I have to tutor someone for 485, as well.
Busy, busy, busy!!
I think I secretly love school :/
8:00 am - I look decent enough to call myself 'ready.' And start to feed my son.
8:25 am - I rush out the door as my mom finishes up my son's diaper change
9:00 am - ELED 394 Teaching Elementary School Math Fun class, difficult pre-test. Super enthusiastic teacher...I think I'd share her enthusiasm better a bit later in the day, though.
10:00 am - ELED 398 Corrective Reading in the Classroom Another fun class, another SUPER enthusiastic teacher. I love this professor. She's my advisor so knows quite a bit about my personal life. She bragged to the class about how adorable my son is and that's always welcome, lol. Our homework is to decorate a box w/pictures of our family, friends, and things that are important to us. I love ELED homework! So glad I'm not going for business. *shudder*
11:00 am - ENG 239 Depictions of Masculinity in Literature and Film. Need I say more? The most uncomfortable experience in college thus far. My husband's in there w/me and it's so awkward to be in a room full of people throwing around words like 'cock' 'whore' 'pimp' and talking about sexual conquests like they're a good thing!
12:00 noon - ARBC 101 Elementary Arabic. Hooray! My teacher, Layla, is SUCH a sweetheart. I've yet to figure out what country she is from but I'm sure she'll share more as the semester progresses. It's her first time teaching (she just graduated in Jan.) so that makes me a bit nervous because I -really- want to learn something. All teachers have to have a first year, though.
1:40 pm - Arrive at home to the utter delight of my son! He loves me!
Aside from the above synopsis...I also have SOC 100 online, ELED 394/398L (lab...this is my practicum in an actual elementary school) starting in October, and ELED 485 which meets on Thursday nights at 5. AND I have to tutor someone for 485, as well.
Busy, busy, busy!!
I think I secretly love school :/
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
The Beginning of Sleep Deprivation
School starts tomorrow.
My son doesn't realize it, though, and is sticking to his summer schedule of going to bed between 11 and midnight.
Greeat.
And he'll get me up twice in the night.
And I have class at 9. Every morning. Monday - Friday.
And I live a half an hour away.
And...........
I've enjoyed the summer. Can you tell?
My son doesn't realize it, though, and is sticking to his summer schedule of going to bed between 11 and midnight.
Greeat.
And he'll get me up twice in the night.
And I have class at 9. Every morning. Monday - Friday.
And I live a half an hour away.
And...........
I've enjoyed the summer. Can you tell?
How Long Are You All Fasting?
Each day, that is. This is more of a survey than a post. I know each country's hours of daylight are different due to the different seasons and such, so was hoping to get a grasp of the various times.
I had many sisters comment on my post about fasting. I mentioned my milk depleting noticeably around 6 or 7 o'clock...now I've come to find that some are allowed to break the fast before that (5:30 in Australia? correct me if I'm wrong). In my part of America, fasting is from 5:40 in the morning until almost 9:00 at night. Obviously those times will gradually change as the month progresses.
I fasted w/out food or drink for almost 16 hours on Saturday. I'm not bragging, lol, why would I brag when that was the only day that I fasted? I'm just a little in awe of myself. As I said, I had never ever fasted before....it's a good thing I didn't realize people in other countries had easier fasts until AFTER the fact, lol. That probably would've contributed to my whininess.
I had many sisters comment on my post about fasting. I mentioned my milk depleting noticeably around 6 or 7 o'clock...now I've come to find that some are allowed to break the fast before that (5:30 in Australia? correct me if I'm wrong). In my part of America, fasting is from 5:40 in the morning until almost 9:00 at night. Obviously those times will gradually change as the month progresses.
I fasted w/out food or drink for almost 16 hours on Saturday. I'm not bragging, lol, why would I brag when that was the only day that I fasted? I'm just a little in awe of myself. As I said, I had never ever fasted before....it's a good thing I didn't realize people in other countries had easier fasts until AFTER the fact, lol. That probably would've contributed to my whininess.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
First Day of Ramadan
Today, for the first time in my life, I fasted. I woke myself up at 5 this morning to eat a bowl of cereal, and then did not eat again until about 9 p.m.
I have decided that fasting as a breastfeeding mother, for me at least, is a really bad idea. I did surprisingly well, to be honest. But around 6 o'clock I started feeling so weak. It was at that time that I had to go to the grocery store and then begin preparing our meal, as well. At the store I wanted to buy absolutely everything. I knew that'd be silly, though, and just bought the watermelon, cheese, crackers, sour cream, and cream of potato soup that I had set out for.
My husband ended up doing a lot of the cooking because I was so weak. My son eats every 3 hours...when I fed him around 5 I didn't feel like I had enough milk to satisfy him. He ended up being hungry again around 7:15...my breasts felt empty so I gave him applesauce before trying to nurse him. I don't know that he got more than a drop of milk. He was sucking on my elbow he was so desperate. I was so close to making it without breaking the fast, though, that I carried on.
I fed him again around 9:30. He was getting hungry more often because he was never actually getting full. This was after I had broken the fast and I think that he got more milk this time, I hope, at least.
When we broke the fast I was surprised at how quickly I was full. We cooked a very rich chicken caserole...we used, one whole chicken, 1 cup sour cream, two cans cream of potato soup, rice, some cheese, and some ritz crackers. It was good, and normally I'd love it, but after fasting all day the watermelon was much more satisfying. We shared our casserole with our Muslim neighbors, although we did not eat with them. One apartment houses only men and the other a man and his wife. My husband is uncomfortable eating with the wife, just as she's uncomfortable eating with him. Ramadan, thus, was spent at home.
I am proud of myself for having completed today without giving in. I thought for sure I'd at least drink some water, but I didn't. I've decided, though, that it's more important for me to be a good mother and provider for my son. Not only was my milk already drying up, but I was too weak to really give my son the attention he required/deserved. I think my husband's disappointed w/my decision, but I know that it's best.
Ramadan Mubarak, everyone!
I have decided that fasting as a breastfeeding mother, for me at least, is a really bad idea. I did surprisingly well, to be honest. But around 6 o'clock I started feeling so weak. It was at that time that I had to go to the grocery store and then begin preparing our meal, as well. At the store I wanted to buy absolutely everything. I knew that'd be silly, though, and just bought the watermelon, cheese, crackers, sour cream, and cream of potato soup that I had set out for.
My husband ended up doing a lot of the cooking because I was so weak. My son eats every 3 hours...when I fed him around 5 I didn't feel like I had enough milk to satisfy him. He ended up being hungry again around 7:15...my breasts felt empty so I gave him applesauce before trying to nurse him. I don't know that he got more than a drop of milk. He was sucking on my elbow he was so desperate. I was so close to making it without breaking the fast, though, that I carried on.
I fed him again around 9:30. He was getting hungry more often because he was never actually getting full. This was after I had broken the fast and I think that he got more milk this time, I hope, at least.
When we broke the fast I was surprised at how quickly I was full. We cooked a very rich chicken caserole...we used, one whole chicken, 1 cup sour cream, two cans cream of potato soup, rice, some cheese, and some ritz crackers. It was good, and normally I'd love it, but after fasting all day the watermelon was much more satisfying. We shared our casserole with our Muslim neighbors, although we did not eat with them. One apartment houses only men and the other a man and his wife. My husband is uncomfortable eating with the wife, just as she's uncomfortable eating with him. Ramadan, thus, was spent at home.
I am proud of myself for having completed today without giving in. I thought for sure I'd at least drink some water, but I didn't. I've decided, though, that it's more important for me to be a good mother and provider for my son. Not only was my milk already drying up, but I was too weak to really give my son the attention he required/deserved. I think my husband's disappointed w/my decision, but I know that it's best.
Ramadan Mubarak, everyone!
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Child Sponsorship
I wish I had the money to sponsor all of them.
I sponsor one little girl in Nepal. But what about all of the other girls and boys waiting for a helping hand?
Right now I'm totally dependent upon hubby's money. If/when I get a job, though, insha'Allah I will donate more. I have so many clothes in my closet, yet I keep buying more.
Sometimes I realize how materialistic I can be. I have tons of movies to watch, books to read, CDs to listen to, clothes to wear...yet I still buy more.
I'm going to make a resolution, like a New Year's resolution...only in August. Maybe it can be my Ramadan resolution...although I want to carry it out for longer than a month!
Okay, my resolution is: At most, i will only buy myself one item a month. That's still a lot compared to others out there...but compared to my usual buying habits.....goodness this is going to be a struggle for me. I'm already debating myself in my head going "how about one clothing item as well as one other item?" Hopefully I can shut out these greedy thoughts and really follow through with this.
I'll need you to help w/accountability. You know I generally post when I buy something new. :)
I sponsor one little girl in Nepal. But what about all of the other girls and boys waiting for a helping hand?
Right now I'm totally dependent upon hubby's money. If/when I get a job, though, insha'Allah I will donate more. I have so many clothes in my closet, yet I keep buying more.
Sometimes I realize how materialistic I can be. I have tons of movies to watch, books to read, CDs to listen to, clothes to wear...yet I still buy more.
I'm going to make a resolution, like a New Year's resolution...only in August. Maybe it can be my Ramadan resolution...although I want to carry it out for longer than a month!
Okay, my resolution is: At most, i will only buy myself one item a month. That's still a lot compared to others out there...but compared to my usual buying habits.....goodness this is going to be a struggle for me. I'm already debating myself in my head going "how about one clothing item as well as one other item?" Hopefully I can shut out these greedy thoughts and really follow through with this.
I'll need you to help w/accountability. You know I generally post when I buy something new. :)
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Nothing Says 'Happy Birthday!' Like a Case of Mastitis
I'm 22 today.
Hubby's cooking my favorite food for lunch. Then at 4 we're going to my family's house for cake and presents. After that we're all playing miniature golf.
IF, that is, I'm still well enough to stand.
I have this uncanny ability to ruin any holiday or vacation by getting ill. Seriously ill, at times.
Spring Break, '05, sinus infection
Christmas '05, strep throat complete w/full body rash.
Birthday '06, strep throat.
New Year's, 06, strep throat
Vacation '07, sinus infection and cracked tailbone.
Christmas '07, UTI complete w/trip to the emergency room.
Vacation '08, constant puking due to pregnancy.
Birthday '09, Mastitis.
Mastitis. The word used to mean nothing to me. Then it was just something I read about in pregnancy books. Now, though, now it's as familiar to me as bread is to butter.
My first case of Mastitis was -bad-. Didn't catch it early enough. Ended up going to the doctor, getting a shot and passing out. They then drew my blood to check how bad the infection was. Ha. Let's just say, they were impressed.
Second case, sitting in class, realize my breast is tender. I think "Why is this familiar?" Put off going to the doctor until the next morning. By the time I finally get my prescription drugs, my temperature is 104 degrees.
Third case. By this point I knew what to expect. I woke up with tenderness and a red spot. Called the doctor and got him to prescribe me something. Even working this quickly, though, I still got up to 102 and was in bed for the entire day.
j
Fourth case. TODAY! I said to my husband, 'my boob kinda hurts.' Jokingly he said "oh, no, are you pregnant?" Then it dawned on me. "Mastitis." I jumped out of bed, ripped my shirt off, and looked in the mirror. Red spot. Tender when touched.
Greeat. I called the Dr. and left a message. That was close to two hours ago, though, and still, no reply. Thanks for the concern, Doc.
I other news, I had a great time w/hubby and son on our little vacation. It's nice to just endulge sometimes.
Hubby's cooking my favorite food for lunch. Then at 4 we're going to my family's house for cake and presents. After that we're all playing miniature golf.
IF, that is, I'm still well enough to stand.
I have this uncanny ability to ruin any holiday or vacation by getting ill. Seriously ill, at times.
Spring Break, '05, sinus infection
Christmas '05, strep throat complete w/full body rash.
Birthday '06, strep throat.
New Year's, 06, strep throat
Vacation '07, sinus infection and cracked tailbone.
Christmas '07, UTI complete w/trip to the emergency room.
Vacation '08, constant puking due to pregnancy.
Birthday '09, Mastitis.
Mastitis. The word used to mean nothing to me. Then it was just something I read about in pregnancy books. Now, though, now it's as familiar to me as bread is to butter.
My first case of Mastitis was -bad-. Didn't catch it early enough. Ended up going to the doctor, getting a shot and passing out. They then drew my blood to check how bad the infection was. Ha. Let's just say, they were impressed.
Second case, sitting in class, realize my breast is tender. I think "Why is this familiar?" Put off going to the doctor until the next morning. By the time I finally get my prescription drugs, my temperature is 104 degrees.
Third case. By this point I knew what to expect. I woke up with tenderness and a red spot. Called the doctor and got him to prescribe me something. Even working this quickly, though, I still got up to 102 and was in bed for the entire day.
j
Fourth case. TODAY! I said to my husband, 'my boob kinda hurts.' Jokingly he said "oh, no, are you pregnant?" Then it dawned on me. "Mastitis." I jumped out of bed, ripped my shirt off, and looked in the mirror. Red spot. Tender when touched.
Greeat. I called the Dr. and left a message. That was close to two hours ago, though, and still, no reply. Thanks for the concern, Doc.
I other news, I had a great time w/hubby and son on our little vacation. It's nice to just endulge sometimes.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Out of Town!
I'll respond to everyone's recent comments as soon as I can, but it may be awhile because hubby's taking me and our son on a trip for my 22nd birthday!
We aren't going far, just one state over, but it'll be so nice to get away from everything and everyone I know and just live as a Muslim for a couple of days. (dress, prayers, food, etc.)
I'm not sure what all we're doing, I think the aquarium, and a boat, and we booked a fancy hotel, and ... goodness I'm excited. :)
Anyway, we'll be gone Mon. and Tues. and will be home Wednesday, which is my actual birthday. My mom's making me a yummy cake and we're all going out to play miniature golf.
I'm turning 22, but after rereading what I just typed, I've decided I sound like a 5 year old...
We aren't going far, just one state over, but it'll be so nice to get away from everything and everyone I know and just live as a Muslim for a couple of days. (dress, prayers, food, etc.)
I'm not sure what all we're doing, I think the aquarium, and a boat, and we booked a fancy hotel, and ... goodness I'm excited. :)
Anyway, we'll be gone Mon. and Tues. and will be home Wednesday, which is my actual birthday. My mom's making me a yummy cake and we're all going out to play miniature golf.
I'm turning 22, but after rereading what I just typed, I've decided I sound like a 5 year old...
Friday, August 14, 2009
He's At It Again!
My family (mom, dad, brother, sister, sister's boyfriend, me, my husband, and our son) is going to an amusement park tomorrow. Admission to this amusement park includes admission to the adjacent waterpark.
I just broke the news today that me, hubby, and our son would not be joining them for the waterpark portion. I explained that hubby is uncomfortable swimming with girls. This is half true. Hubby is uncomfortable with a bunch of bikini clad babes swarming around him, but he's also uncomfortable with me swimming in my board shorts and rashguard. I know it's not 'hijab' but compared to what most will have on, I truly think for the situation it could be safely called modest.
But n.e. wayz...I told them we wouldn't be going and my dad started again. "When you started dating, did you know that you wouldn't be able to do all of these things?" (water parks, wearing shorts...that's it I guess, lol)
"Of course not."
"Well, I tried to warn you. They're very strict over there. Does that mean your son can never go to a waterpark."
"I really don't know, dad, but even if it did, it wouldn't kill him."
Um...I think I'd rather have the man of my dreams than a pair of shorts any old day.
Of course, as he ponders this information he randomly confronts me for the remainder of the evening.
"Why was it okay for you to wear shorts while you were dating, but it's not okay now?"
"I can wear them, hubby would rather me not and it's really not a big deal to me."
"But why didn't it bother him before?"
"It did, but he was afraid to tell me. "
"Well, what if he decides he doesn't want you to be a Christian?"
"Dad...they're shorts."
"Yes, but he has this influence over you."
You know what this means....once I DO tell them, they won't believe that it's my own decision. It will all be to please my husband or due to his influence (er, brainwashing). That makes me feel just greeeat.
"Okay, I'll drop this whole waterpark business if you promise me you'll stay a Christian."
He really said that. 'promise me you'll stay a Christian'
"yeah, Dad."
"Jesus died for your sins, you have to remember that. And you have to teach your son that. It's your responsibility that he becomes a Christian."
"I am not responsible for his choices."
"But you're responsible for teaching him. I never see you reading him Bible stories. You have to make him Christian or your husband will make him Muslim."
I have to tell them soon or I'll go mad. Our family vacay tomorrow would be one giant fight, though, if I had told them tonight.
Hmm. I wonder when it'll happen.
In other news, my grandma had hernia surgery today. All went well alhumdulillah! She is already at home. :)
I just broke the news today that me, hubby, and our son would not be joining them for the waterpark portion. I explained that hubby is uncomfortable swimming with girls. This is half true. Hubby is uncomfortable with a bunch of bikini clad babes swarming around him, but he's also uncomfortable with me swimming in my board shorts and rashguard. I know it's not 'hijab' but compared to what most will have on, I truly think for the situation it could be safely called modest.
But n.e. wayz...I told them we wouldn't be going and my dad started again. "When you started dating, did you know that you wouldn't be able to do all of these things?" (water parks, wearing shorts...that's it I guess, lol)
"Of course not."
"Well, I tried to warn you. They're very strict over there. Does that mean your son can never go to a waterpark."
"I really don't know, dad, but even if it did, it wouldn't kill him."
Um...I think I'd rather have the man of my dreams than a pair of shorts any old day.
Of course, as he ponders this information he randomly confronts me for the remainder of the evening.
"Why was it okay for you to wear shorts while you were dating, but it's not okay now?"
"I can wear them, hubby would rather me not and it's really not a big deal to me."
"But why didn't it bother him before?"
"It did, but he was afraid to tell me. "
"Well, what if he decides he doesn't want you to be a Christian?"
"Dad...they're shorts."
"Yes, but he has this influence over you."
You know what this means....once I DO tell them, they won't believe that it's my own decision. It will all be to please my husband or due to his influence (er, brainwashing). That makes me feel just greeeat.
"Okay, I'll drop this whole waterpark business if you promise me you'll stay a Christian."
He really said that. 'promise me you'll stay a Christian'
"yeah, Dad."
"Jesus died for your sins, you have to remember that. And you have to teach your son that. It's your responsibility that he becomes a Christian."
"I am not responsible for his choices."
"But you're responsible for teaching him. I never see you reading him Bible stories. You have to make him Christian or your husband will make him Muslim."
I have to tell them soon or I'll go mad. Our family vacay tomorrow would be one giant fight, though, if I had told them tonight.
Hmm. I wonder when it'll happen.
In other news, my grandma had hernia surgery today. All went well alhumdulillah! She is already at home. :)
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Visas...or lack thereof.
Hubby's parents have been trying to come meet their grandson. They were denied a VISA back in May, when they were going to come meet our son and help their daughter with the birth of her first. They had to wait until this week to get another appointment...and they were denied again.
My dad, of course, is freaking out. If they can't come here...he realizes we'll have to go there. He also sees this as a 'see, if you go they won't let you come back!' type of deal. He's wrong of course, lol. The problem isn't KSA letting them out...it's the U.S. that won't let them in.
They talk to our son on Skype...but I really wish they could meet him. Hubby cannot leave the country until after we've filed all the immigration stuff because his visa expires the minute he leaves. This means we're stuck in the U.S. for probably a year and a half. That means that unless they do eventually get a visa, they won't meet their grandson until he's over 2. :( Even after hubby's cleared to leave, we can't go to KSA until our marriage is approved which could take...forever w/out the right connections. So, we'll probably be meeting in Bahrain or Dubai over a year and a half from now. Sounds so bleak. I want my son to feel that he's a part of both mommy's and daddy's families.
I don't even wear abayas...
But these are gorgeous! I especially like the middle two. Hubby (saudi) even says I can get by in the third one (with black hijab, instead of turquoise) in KSA when we visit (eventually...). Sooo, that gives me a reason to purchase, right? They're all from East Essence and each around $30. I could even see myself wearing the second one to work. (teaching)
I hate spending money on something I'm unsure if I'll wear, though. Especially now while I'm still not 'out' as a Muslim to my family...
ooo they're pretty, though.
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