I am not to move to a Muslim "stronghold" because then I will be doing lots of "Muslim things" and my son won't be raised "American" or Christian.
He was talking about Muslim communities in America...but apparently those people are not American-enough for him. We just spent the entire four day holiday celebrating our Italian heritage, our entire Italian community did. That's right, we live in an Italian community. Italian flags line the street, signs are sometimes written in Italian, and I bet you couldn't pronounce many of the last names of the people living here, including my last name. We eat Italian food, we mix Italian words into our speech, there was an entire display at the festival devoted to MY family. My grandmother and her 11 brothers and sisters. We have been raised to be proud of our heritage, but my son can not be proud of the Saudi part of him, because they're Muslim. It's almost a curse word to my father.
Was I not raised American because of the community I grew up in? Or again, is that just a Muslim thing? Muslims are not Americans?
My father converted from Catholicism to Protestantism upon meeting my mother, to the dismay of his relatives, I am sure. If he has religious freedom, why don't I? If he can be Italian and Protestant...why can't my son and I be American and Muslim?
He had the audacity to imply that I do not care about my son in regard to religion. "You obviously didn't think all of your past actions through, or you wouldn't be in this situation. Well, think through where you're going to live very seriously, because (your son's salvation) depends upon it."
As though I don't care about my son and his religious upbringing. That's what led me to Islam in the first place! I was worried about my son being taught the wrong thing! But my research led me to a different conclusion than I had anticipated, and for my son's sake more than my own, I knew I had to go down the straight path no matter how difficult the familial consequences.
I've been trying to think of the perfect time to tell my parents. I wanted to wait until after I moved out, but these uncomfortable semi-confrontations w/my dad are just too frequent. If I'm already living with constant conflict with my parents due to possible conversion, why not just get the truth out there. Yes, the conflict will be greater, but hopefully, it will be shortened. Heh, wishful thinking?
They're anniversary is this month. 30 years. They're celebrating out of town and I want to give them that time together without nagging thoughts of my damnation looming over their heads. I think maybe the very end of September/beginning of October. Typing that 'out loud' gave me horrendous butterflies. I'm terrified, absolutely terrified. I've already written 'the letter,' it's just the timing I haven't figured out. After their anniversary, but long enough before Christmas for things to settle down a bit?
What do you think? While I live with them, so I'm under their roof and the reconciliation process is forced to proceed, or once I'm living with my husband so that I don't have to face their disappointment, preaching, and heartbroken-ness day in and day out?
Scares me to death, it does.
10 comments:
Salam Alaykum
I feel for you sister and to be honest i doubt htere will be a "right" time. If you do it while you are with your husband, they will tell you you were brainwashed.
If you do it now, they will keep nagging and annoying and trying to keep you on the christian way. They might even keep you away from your husband.
However you choose, there will be trouble and headache...
I agree with bahlool. There really isn't the right time for people who think like your father. You know your family best and you know if there will be physical violence to your telling your parents. It was easy for me because I was living on my own when I became Muslim. My mother is JUST beginning to bother me about Islam but I know it is the truth. We are in the last 10 nights so ask away. I will keep you in my duas. May Allah swt make it easier on you ameen.
It will be really tough at first, but I don't think that you will completely lose the relationship over this. I really feel for you. I can understand about having some of the same negative feelings about Islam initially and then being blown away by what Muslims were like when I finally met some :) Just keep being the loving kind person that you are and I think that it will all work out. Its probably better sooner than later.
Stay strong.
Insha'Allah there'll be a right time. Both situations may seem like a bad outlook but go with the one you have a good feeling about :)
Take care sister!
Subhanallah. It is so, so hard to know when the right time is. I still haven't told my parents either, and I know that when I do the "poop will hit the fan", so to speak. It's going to suck for both of us, there's no use lying. I can't really offer you any words of encouragement other than to know that ALLAH knows what we don't know, and that Insha'Allah ALLAH will reward you for your suffering in the Hereafter. And, of course, lots of du'a can help. I had to spend the first two weeks of this Ramadan with my family, and I honestly didn't think that I would be able to make it without them noticing that I was fasting, but Alhamdulillah, I was able to fast every day and they had no idea. I will make du'a for you every day, Insha'Allah.
I've said this before so i'll say it again, tell them now! ASAP.. If you tell them after you move out they are going to FREAK because they will feel like they have no control. It might be hard but i think it is nicer to them to let them try to talk you out of it or scare you or convince you that your wrong, in person, face to face.
Then they can see your conviction.
Otherwise their imagination is going to get the best of them.
But, if you do it after moving, invite them over, this has to be face to face. not a phone call or a letter. That just makes you look scared. And i know you are scared, but you have to be an adult about this or they are going to run you over hun. Remember, they think they are trying to save your life, you have to be just as strong and let them know you can save your own life and don't need them intervening. I know your scared, but the hardest part is starting that conversation. You have to stop leading them on hun.
I agree with the people above, there probably won't be a 'right' time because you'll still be scared and thats really the whole reason you are not telling. But there could still be a better time for it...however i don't think you should wait for that 'perfect' time. I think telling them while your living with your folks would force the healing process inshallah...at the same time you'd deal with a bunch of stuff you would hate...but that comes with the territory. You should be ready to move out if you had to though.
That is quite a tough situation. From their point of view, they would probably rather know now than later. They will have lots of questions for you, and it'll be easier for them to reassure themselves that you're happy and doing it for yourself if you are there in their home to answer the questions/debates/arguments. I guess it depends whether you feel you can handle that ;) I agree waiting until after their anniversary is probably the considerate thing to do, either way. Good luck!
I think the best time is before you move out. That way they're forced to see that you are the same you and that you are happy. I don't know how my parents think but they don't nag me about it too much. My dad once in awhile... but months in between.
My heart goes out to you. My mom is similar to your dad. She thinks I will not be "saved" in the end because Islam could be the "wrong one". Which I don't believe there is a "wrong one" but I won't take up your blog with that.
There is no right time. I told my parents of my interest to try and open the door. I needed to know they wouldn't abandon me if I converted. And they won't, my mom will just be upset which breaks my heart. I would wait till you are not under their roof. It will be easier for both parties.
You need to do what is best for you in the end and work with your parents in as respectful a way as possible. If you respect them, they will respect you.
I wish you the best of luck. God be with you.
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