I am not going to downplay the fact that my father is upset with my conversion because he is honestly concerned for my soul. He thinks I have denied Jesus and that this will most likely condemn me to Hell. I understand the fact that he has these concerns, and I respect them, because they're done out of love.
There are some things, however, that my father is upset about, that I feel are just ridiculous. Shutterfly.com sent me a $15 gift for my son's 1st birthday. I didn't have $15 worth of recent pictures to develop, so I went back and developed a bunch of pictures from the summer of 2007. That summer I went on two trips with two of my best friends, one a family vacation in the mountains, and another to a three day Christian concert. In other words, nothing wild! Anyway, in these photos I am wearing shorts, and tank tops, and bikinis. My father looks through them, points to a rather unflattering picture of my pale self in short athletic shorts and a spandex tank top (I was a dancer, so...) and says "See, you used to wear shorts." First off, you think my conservative Christian father would be pleased that I'm dressing more modestly. Secondly, if you're trying to get me to miss shorts....pick a picture where I'm actually wearing something nice, lol.
So, my dad is hurt by my modest clothing. My dad is also hurt because my husband and I don't have a Christmas tree in the apartment, and we don't have any plans to put one up next year. Hmmm.... 1) We're both Muslim. A Christmas tree isn't high on our priority list. 2) all of my ornaments are on our tree here at home, I'm not about to buy new Christmas things.
I know the more Islamic practices I adopt the more I'm going to hear the phrase "You used to..." About my hair, my clothes, my food choices, my activities (dance, hugging the opposite sex, etc.).
I naively thought that telling my family would be the high point of my process of conversion. Not so. They still forbid me to tell my brother. We're in agreement that I will not eat pork, they've been good about that. They know I won't wear shorts, but they haven't picked up on the long sleeves only or butt covering shirts yet, and if they have they like to pretend that they haven't. When/if I decide to do only halal meats, they are going to throw a FIT. When I finally wear hijab in their presence... lol. I had hijab on in my car yesterday. My dad drove up, unexpectedly behind me. I ripped it off my head faster than I could think and tried to position it around my neck like a scarf as my dad walked to my car to talk to me. I don't know if he noticed or not. Again, he would've pretended not to even if he did notice, so who knows.
My husband was disappointed that I ripped off the hijab. I'm not ready for that confrontation yet, though. We're (my parents and I) in a fairly smooth spot right now and I don't want to rock the boat again just yet.
6 comments:
I'll pray for strength for you. Things can get better Insha' Allah.
Something that might be helpful is a hat from this store: http://stores.ebay.com/CJ-Hats?_rdc=1
The berets cover your entire head and are super cute. I plan to use these in front of my family Insha'Allah I ever convert.
Best wishes to you Nikki
Even though it seems like things are a little better than when you first told them, it still sounds hard. You are handling this was a lot of grace and wisdom. Insha'Allah I will continue to make du'a for you.
Salaamu Alaikum!
When i lived with my uncle, i was forbidden to wear hijab by my aunt. I listened because i didn't want to cause any marital problems between them, and i was living with them...so i have ripped off my scarf plenty of times!!!
But once, he had to pick me up from work, and i was like omg..how am i going to do this? Take my scarf off in front of all the guys at work, or wear it in front of my uncle?
i wore it in front of my uncle, though i did take it back off when i got in the car. Alhamdullilah i was so proud of myself! LOL. Point is, you'll get there. And don't rush yourself. Its good that you know where you want to be eventually. Inshallah, one day you'll get there and be so much better for it!
One day you'll be in my position, telling someone else to keep looking forward because it almost always ends up great :D.
wasalaam,
-AlabasterMuslim
I'm glad you and your parents are getting along pretty well these days. I know they are still in an adjustment period so it seems things are going well enough. They didn't disown you or anything and you realize they love you a lot. :-)
Btw, how is your son's health?
I am still puzzled why your dad reacts the way he does. Its obviously not pulling you back in his direction. I know when I wear Islamic clothes my dad teases me and calls me "Fatima" even though all my friends call me Fahiima. I'll pray that your dad will begin to see how you have changed positively. Have you thought about showing him literature about why Christians should eat kosher and dress modestly according to the Bible. It might be something that will act as a bridge for you guys.
That sounds hard... You're very brave to have told them and I applaud you for that! I am so not there yet. It's such a big step. I don't think I could have done it while living with them (I can't even do it while living apart from them).
Continue to do well as you do :)
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