if I said I didn't like Christmas. I understand that as a Muslim, I'm supposed to feel that Christmas is either a) a holiday rooted in paganism, therefore, haraam, or b) a holiday celebrating the birth of Jesus, promoting shirk, therefore, haraam.
But, you know what? I don't feel that way at all. I feel that Christmas is so openly celebrated here in America by people of different faiths/no faith at all for one real reason...because winter sucks, and we need distraction to get through it. A LOT of people, myself included, suffer from seasonal depression and having the holiday season to look forward to used to make things better for me. Then, after my conversion when I was made to feel guilty about the holidays I used to love, my depression only got worse. Now, I'm done. I'm done lying to myself and to God. I like Christmas. It's been a part of who I was growing up and I feel ripped off when I think I don't get to share it/pass it on to my son. Why do all of my husbands traditions get to go to my son, but not mine? Sure, I changed religions, but I didn't change my heritage.
Don't get me wrong, I see the fault in my logic. I don't take my son to church even though I was raised there, I'm not going to allow my daughter (if I ever have one, insha'allah) to be on the dance team even though I was, etc. etc. I KNOW parts of my life are incompatible with Islam. But, perhaps my faith is just weak, perhaps I'm in denial...or perhaps God really does judge OUR INTENTIONS.
I intend to not make myself nor any member of my family miserable this holiday season. I intend to let my son experience some of the joy, wonder, and excitement of the holidays that I got to have for 21 wonderful years. I intend to buy my family gifts because I love them and I like to surprise them with things that they wouldn't feel they could buy for themselves. I intend to visit with my relatives, share stories, play games, etc. etc.
I do not intend to worship Jesus (pbuh). I do not intend to worship any pagan deity either. I bear witness that there is none to worship other than Allah.
For awhile Islam was really depressing me. I felt like I couldn't be me anymore. My family could tell that I was unusually reserved and bordering on miserable. I was left with two choices 1) leave Islam altogether or 2) ease up on my Islam. Quit PRETENDING to be convicted on things that I'm NOT.
I am ALMOST there with hijab. Almost. I don't know if it's a belief that Allah commanded it, though, or just a desire to be recognized as a Muslim.
I've already shared a lot of the things I don't feel so convicted about, though. Birthdays, dancing, gender mixing (honestly, if a group of adults in committed relationships cannot get together for dinner, a board game, or a Qur'an study without going mad and sexing one another, then they must be mentally unstable).
Dancing, dancing, dancing. We've all seen the Arab men dancing in their thobes on youtube, and even the news. Why is it not wrong for them to dance in public? And don't you even go on about men and women attracted differently, blah di blah di blah. I find men attractive. And to say that a man dressed immodestly has no effect on women is bull $*#@. I understand belly dancing, um, super seductive and a no, no. But, if those Arab "super Muslim" men (because that's often how they view themselves) can do those traditional dances in their thobes for all to see, then why can't I play DDR in the mall?
My cousins have that Just Dance game on the Wii. It's ridiculously fun. The first time they played I stood my ground and declined. Finally my sister wore me down and got me to play against her. It felt so good to dance again. Just the other day they were playing it again at a family gathering. I didn't fight it this time. I played at least 3 rounds. I could see the relief on my mom's face. It was like, "We didn't lose Nikki." Because they almost did. I almost let myself disappear. All for the sake of others. Not what I believe in personally.
So there. Have at me. I feel happy. I was happy to be with my family on Thanksgiving. Happy to shop with my mom the day after. Happy to play Just Dance the following day at a cousins birthday party. Am I in denial? Is my life totally incompatible with Islam? I hope not. And I can't help but think I'd have at least an inkling of guilt if Allah was trying to deter me from these acts.
My husband will often say, "Don't you think it looks bad for a woman in hijab to behave like such and such..." Meaning when I'm loud, or playing rather exuberantly at the park with my son and niece, or get all huggy on him. But I'm like...no? It looks like she's HUMAN. She has emotions, energy, and a LOVE for LIFE and ALLAH who created it. So if you see a hijabi who is less than subdued, who obviously thinks piety does not mean loss of personality, then Assalamu'alaykum. We may have just met.
11 comments:
heck yeah, sister! i agree with you 110%. and i consider myself lucky, masha'allah, that i have a wonderful muslim fiancé who recognizes that for most americans (and to the chagrin of many christians), christmas is a purely cultural event. i mean, i know folks who are die-hard atheists, but still wait in line on black friday to snag good christmas presents for friends and family.
one of my christian friends and i were talking about this the other day, and i was like, "i am so glad that saleh gets into christmas, and that he understands that christmas is about american culture, not about religion. it sure makes the holiday season a lot nicer, especially when it comes to my family." and she responded, "yeah, i know i'm supposed to be all upset about having christ taken out of christmas or whatever, but honestly, i think it's pretty great that as americans, we have christmas as this massive secular holiday that unites us all. there are so many things that tear us apart, i think we'd be stupid to reject something that brings us together." i agree with her completely.
regarding hijab, i want to wear it full-time (it's one of my new year's resolutions, in fact), but not because i think that you can't be a good muslimah without it. i wear it because i am a muslim, and also because i am a feminist. i think seeing women who are happy and love life and wear hijab is something america is in desperate need of, because so many americans think that if a woman is wearing a scarf, she is either a terrorist or miserable. i want to wear hijab to show people that a) you know what? i'm a muslim, i am proud, i am happy, and i am not oppressed and b) how dare you judge me because you can't see my hair? this is america, and we are supposed to be free. well, if we are free to wear a bikini to the pool, we should be free to cover our heads without judgment!
oh, nikki, i could ramble on and on and on, but i'll stop here...to make a long story a little less long, i agree with you totally. i really want to know if we live close to each other so we could meet up for coffee or something--i feel like we'd have a lot to chat about! :-)
People that think that Muslim women should not dance have some issues. Unless it's incredibly suggestive, it shouldn't be bad. Why wouldn't you let your daughter be on the dance team? Isn't the dance team all girls anyway? That makes no sense.
I'm a UU Muslim. I'm not wearing hijab, but I might as an adult. And I'm a thespian and I love performing of any kind. I'm not an amazing dancer, but I try, and I'm in showchoir, so yeah. I don't see anything wrong with it.
I'm sick and tired of people who add shite to Islam and make it more complicated than it should be.
@ anon - It's refreshing to see an anonymous post that's not judgemental! The dance team at my school was all girls, but they performed at all the basketball games and at competitions in a lot of less than modest outfits. Also, some of the music (not when we danced to band music) was pretty suggestive (hip hop and such). I don't mind my daughter taking dance lessons when she is little, and I don't think I'd mind, like, tap dancing (my personal favorite) at any age because I don't think it's ever really considered sexy or suggestive.
Anyway, I agree that a lot of people add stuff to Islam, or take stuff that was thrown in ages ago by someone other than Allah, without questioning at all.
It's sad that I have to "admit" that I do these things on my blog expecting and onslaught of "haram! haram!" When no one has EVER given me any Qu'ran or hadith evidence proving to me that dancing in a joyful manner with no ill intentions is wrong.
Also, I've already talked about how everyone's always spouting to me the "imitating nonbelievers" line when I clearly am imitating no one but myself.
I did theater in high school and early in my college years (then I got pregnant and time for extracurriculars became a thing of the past). I loved it. Musicals were my favorite and of course they generally had some form of dance. But it wasn't "look at me I'm trying to seduce you dancing" so I still have trouble seeing the wrong in it. And I guess this post was me finally saying, I'm done trying to find the bad in everything I do.
@ Neco - yay! Someone understands my logic. :) Sometimes the blogger community makes me feel like a horrible Muslim. But honestly, 1) at 1.5 years post conversion I still view myself as "new" and 2) I'm ALWAYS going to be American and traditions that go with that aren't going to be given up unless I see good reason.
Anyway, I could type forever about this but I'd just keep repeating myself. :/ I read your blog, as you know, of course, and you really are lucky that Saleh gets into the holidays. My husband doesn't care if I do it, but he participates very reluctantly and doesn't want it to be a big deal for our son. Kind of a downer during the holidays, he is.
Anyway, my posts may have implied we're moving further south than we actually are, lol. We're moving to western Kentucky. Are you anywhere close?
well, you're not very far away from my hometown! i'm currently in northwestern kansas (at k-state), but i'm originally from southern missouri--that's where my parents still live, that's where i spend holidays, that's where i consider home to be. and yes, for all intents and purposes, you're moving to the south. :-)
I don't feel that "celebrating" Christmas is wrong. I happily celebrate the Imams' birthdays so it'd be hard to convince me that acknowledging Jesus' birthday is wrong. Plus nowadays it is all social and the religious side of things mostly lost, in my area anyway.
My husband has the same ideas about hijab but he has been able to see the difference in hijab in Western countries vs hijab in Saudi. Things important there are nothing here and things important here seem trivial there so inshallah everything will work out for both of us regarding that :P
My thought always was that Christmas is to celebrate Jesus' birthday and the tree is like a cake! lol I really see nothing wrong with it for you. It is heavily cultural and its part of your childhood and your family.
Jesuses birthday is in the summer. They just coincided it with the pagan holiday so they wouldn't be punished. So yeah, it's mostly cultural... specially since the real meaning is go to church, see family and maybe a small gift that's like 5 dollars or something. It's not about blowing 100 dollars on each person-that's culture.
I'm planning on going to my families, just because I don't get to see parts of them that often. I'm not getting gifts, but then I never did. Also two of my nieces have birthdays in December so I'm starting to work on getting them birthday gifts more.
I miss DDR. I used to play it years ago but haven't in forever. To me that's not dancing, just exercise. I want to get a gaming system sometime in the future and get that game. (also rockband) The only reason I stopped playing is because the game wasn't mine and I stopped hanging out with the person who owned it.
Awesome post! I love Christmas and I'm excited like I always am! What a wonderful time of year!
I really enjoyed this post, Nikki!
Thank you for this post. I couldn't agree more, I still love Christmas. I also think more of Christmas as celebrating Jesus (pbuh) birthday and nothing more. Many Muslims also celebrate Muhammed (pbuh)'s birthday. Also, while it is true that Jesus was most likely born in Spring (not Summer), I'm sure people don't know the exact date of Muhammeds birthday either. A date is picked in order to honour that person and so that everyone can agree.
This year I'm celebrating Christmas with my love in the US, and I'm hoping to make him a proper Danish Christmas dinner to introduce him to some of my culture. Roast duck, potatoes, gravy, caramellized potatoes and a traditional red cabbage side dish.
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