Quite literally, but I was referring to being tired of following someone else's definition of Islam. I'm finally coming to accept that a lot of "standard" or "orthodox" Islamic views will never align with my actual feelings on certain things.
A big one for me is various fatwas telling me I can't do a, b, or c because it is "western" and would hence be "imitating the kafirs." Excuse me, I was raised in the west. I AM "WESTERN." I am imitating no one, just being myself. My clothing is "imitating the kafirs," my shaking people's hands in formal situations/meeting for the first time is "imitating the kafirs," my continuing to celebrate birthdays is "imitating the kafirs."
I used to feel a bit guilty about these things, but I'm done. I felt guilty because I was TOLD, by actual Muslims and internet sites, that I should. I did not ever feel guilty because I thought I was displeasing God with any of the above actions.
I shook a man's hand yesterday, I hugged an unrelated male the day before, and I wear jeans or a maxi skirt everyday. I'm not striving to wear abaya or niqab. I've even quit trying to give up all non-mahram male contact.
And I'm still a practicing Muslim. I'm still keeping the five pillars (although hajj is still in the future, insha'Allah).
Islam was starting to depress me because I felt like everywhere I turned I was told that almost everything that had to do with my "previous" life was haram. I wondered what was wrong with me. Why wasn't I willing to give up these things for God?
I honestly believe now it's because God hasn't convicted me of the "sin" in these actions. Celebrating with family and friends, innocent contact with men with pure intentions, music, and even some mixed dancing (not club dancing or anything) I don't see as wrong.
I know a LOT of people reading this will disagree with me. Of course, I know that, that's where this post came from.
The divide from HOW I believe and practive versus HOW OTHERS FEEL I should believe and practice.
My Islam is between me and God, thank you. And if you insist on commenting to "correct my wayward ways" anyway, you better have Quranic verses to back you up, because I am not at the point where I'm convinced on hadith, and there are various fatwas to back up almost any side of an issue you wish to present as "the truth."
I'm sick of being made to feel that every time I'm actually happy, or having fun, I'm doing something "haram." So the essence of Islam is to live this life in miserable solitude? Not for me.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Sunday, October 10, 2010
FPIES Fund
There's a new fund through the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia dedicated to research on FPIES to help find the cause and a cure/method of treatment. Obviously, since my son has FPIES this is a cause near and dear to my heart. If you feel like donating to a worthy cause, or would just like to educate yourself on what FPIES is/how it affects daily life, click here.
In related news, we passed milk (I may have already posted that/did an online happy dance about it), failed chicken, and passed wheat (in that order). Failing chicken was a big letdown, but dairy and wheat open up SO MANY more doors for foods for our son than chicken closes, so it's now being seen as more of a minor set back. Tomorrow we move on to soy...insha'Allah we pass this and I can start planning a BIRTHDAY CAKE. :)
In related news, we passed milk (I may have already posted that/did an online happy dance about it), failed chicken, and passed wheat (in that order). Failing chicken was a big letdown, but dairy and wheat open up SO MANY more doors for foods for our son than chicken closes, so it's now being seen as more of a minor set back. Tomorrow we move on to soy...insha'Allah we pass this and I can start planning a BIRTHDAY CAKE. :)
Friday, October 8, 2010
I thought I was home free!
My sister's wedding is tomorrow.
Dress, shoes, alterations. check
bridal shower planned and paid for. check
bachelorette party planned and paid for. check
son's tuxedo bought and tried on (and found in the lost mail). check
rehearsal and rehearsal dinner (where they served pork and chicken flavored with wine...hence, the plate of mashed potatoes). check
I got home tonight RELIEVED. It's stressful being matron of honor and on top of that worrying about working around my Islam and on top of that having an almost 2 year old son in the wedding, too. I got home and was relieved.
And then I got a text from my sister.
"Don't forget to bring your toast tomorrow."
shit.
It's 11:14. I have to be at the church at 9 tomorrow to start getting ready. And I have. not. written. a. toast.
To be quite honest I totally forget. Insha'Allah, she'll never know...
Dress, shoes, alterations. check
bridal shower planned and paid for. check
bachelorette party planned and paid for. check
son's tuxedo bought and tried on (and found in the lost mail). check
rehearsal and rehearsal dinner (where they served pork and chicken flavored with wine...hence, the plate of mashed potatoes). check
I got home tonight RELIEVED. It's stressful being matron of honor and on top of that worrying about working around my Islam and on top of that having an almost 2 year old son in the wedding, too. I got home and was relieved.
And then I got a text from my sister.
"Don't forget to bring your toast tomorrow."
shit.
It's 11:14. I have to be at the church at 9 tomorrow to start getting ready. And I have. not. written. a. toast.
To be quite honest I totally forget. Insha'Allah, she'll never know...
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Introducing Snazzy Napper!
It's like a niqab...only with the nose visible instead of the eyes. It's also the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Moving
So, I've finally given in to the fact that we will be moving. My husband is going on to graduate school and he's still on scholarship so...none of the schools here that he was interested in are covered. Right now it looks like as of January 2011 I'll be living 8 hours away from my family, which...sucks. If the other university ever gets back to us, we could end up 4 hours away, instead, but it's seeming more and more unlikely every day.
So, we're going to be 8 hours away in a town where neither of us know anyone. He will lose his job (obviously, you can't commute 8 hours) and I will lose mine. My mom won't be available to babysit, meaning I may not work at all because the cost of daycare would probably cancel out the pay I got from substitute teaching anyway. Daycare is $$$ pricey and subbing doesn't pay all that well. Hopefully hubby can get a job on campus. With his current visa status i think that is the only place he is allowed to work. (we are in the middle of the green card process). So, right now it looks like the only income will be hubby's scholarship living allowance. Which is geared to only one person (since technically he's not supposed to be married to me on scholarship) so we're going to be -tight- on money.
I've been looking at rental properties in the area online and it's been quite depressing. Apparently the cost of living there is a tad higher than here, so for an equivalent apartment it looks like we'll have to pay $50+ dollars more in rent a month than we pay now. We were hoping to rent a house so that we'd have storage and a yard for our son...but while we could probably afford one here, we can't afford one there. :/
My husband hates spending the money I make subbing on "needs." He thinks he should be the sole provider and I respect that, but I think I'm going to try to stop spending my money so frivolously and start saving up for the move. That first month especially is going to cost an arm and a leg...(moving truck/service, security deposit, sometimes two months rent, etc. etc. etc.)
I suppose all we can do presently (aside from saving where we can) is pray and have faith that God will provide.
My family (parents, aunts, cousins...) is freaking out. NO ONE moves away in our family. Seriously. They aren't pleased but my mom struggles to grin and then says "at least it's in the United States." 8 hours really isn't THAT bad. It's only two states over... I'm not sure if I'm trying to convince her, or myself.
So, we're going to be 8 hours away in a town where neither of us know anyone. He will lose his job (obviously, you can't commute 8 hours) and I will lose mine. My mom won't be available to babysit, meaning I may not work at all because the cost of daycare would probably cancel out the pay I got from substitute teaching anyway. Daycare is $$$ pricey and subbing doesn't pay all that well. Hopefully hubby can get a job on campus. With his current visa status i think that is the only place he is allowed to work. (we are in the middle of the green card process). So, right now it looks like the only income will be hubby's scholarship living allowance. Which is geared to only one person (since technically he's not supposed to be married to me on scholarship) so we're going to be -tight- on money.
I've been looking at rental properties in the area online and it's been quite depressing. Apparently the cost of living there is a tad higher than here, so for an equivalent apartment it looks like we'll have to pay $50+ dollars more in rent a month than we pay now. We were hoping to rent a house so that we'd have storage and a yard for our son...but while we could probably afford one here, we can't afford one there. :/
My husband hates spending the money I make subbing on "needs." He thinks he should be the sole provider and I respect that, but I think I'm going to try to stop spending my money so frivolously and start saving up for the move. That first month especially is going to cost an arm and a leg...(moving truck/service, security deposit, sometimes two months rent, etc. etc. etc.)
I suppose all we can do presently (aside from saving where we can) is pray and have faith that God will provide.
My family (parents, aunts, cousins...) is freaking out. NO ONE moves away in our family. Seriously. They aren't pleased but my mom struggles to grin and then says "at least it's in the United States." 8 hours really isn't THAT bad. It's only two states over... I'm not sure if I'm trying to convince her, or myself.
URGENT!
What do you think when you see the following two pictures? (besides, wow, either Nikki's camera is crap or she has no clue how to take a good photo)
Do you think "OMG! What an awesome long-sleeved maxi!" ----or---- "WTF??? Why would someone tuck a kurti into a maxi skirt!?!?!"
I'm looking for something to wear to my sister's rehearsal dinner this Friday and wore my one and only maxi dress to her bachelorette party just last week. All of my maxi skirts are too casual aside from the one seen above and a tweed one. I'll prob just end up wearing the above skirt with a black top...but am I wrong in thinking it looked good with my East Essence kurti tucked in?
Do you think "OMG! What an awesome long-sleeved maxi!" ----or---- "WTF??? Why would someone tuck a kurti into a maxi skirt!?!?!"
I'm looking for something to wear to my sister's rehearsal dinner this Friday and wore my one and only maxi dress to her bachelorette party just last week. All of my maxi skirts are too casual aside from the one seen above and a tweed one. I'll prob just end up wearing the above skirt with a black top...but am I wrong in thinking it looked good with my East Essence kurti tucked in?
Friday, October 1, 2010
The USPS has decided to hate me.
Why? What did I do to deserve the wrath of the United States Postal Service?
I live in an apartment, that's what. And I have a hunch that they strongly dislike apartment dwellers.
I ordered my son's tuxedo for my sister's wedding online. I got an e-mail saying it was shipped. It never arrived. I decided to track it using the number in the e-mail. It said that it had been delivered by UPS to my local post office (USPS) and that the post office would finish the delivery within one extra business day. Well, by the time I had tracked this it had been a whole week. I started to panic, the wedding is next Saturday. My dad called UPS they said they did in fact deliver it to the post office a week ago and that now we needed to contact the original seller because it had been too long. My dad then called JCPenney and they told him that the package had been sent back to them.
1.) I never received a delivery attempt notice from the USPS. They used to leave those little sticky notes on the apartment door to let me know to pick it up or schedule redelivery.
2.) The woman at JCP said there was no notation that even let her know that they ever even TRIED to deliver it. So it could have just been sent straight back.
3.) She reluctantly agreed to ship it expedited at no extra charge, although I'll still be paying standard shipping twice which was $12. So, $24 to get a $60 tuxedo sent.
And now TODAY. I had a package from amazon coming. I got a text saying it was out for delivery today. I heard the USPS man knocking on the apartment door, but I was rocking my son to sleep and was NOT going to ruin it for a package that I can pick up or could be redelivered. Also, I'd have to put on an abaya and hijab and.... hassle.
So, I didn't answer the door. My son fell asleep. I put him to bed. I opened the door to pick up my notice so that I could reschedule delivery and put the instructions LEAVE AT THE DOOR. But guess what...there was no notice to be found. I KNOW they tried, they knocked three times! But people are BUSY and people can't always answer the door...(showers, naps, etc...) So where's my notice? Is this my punishment for too many unanswered deliveries? Now all of my packages just get returned without my knowing?
Grrrrrrrrrrrr.
That is all.
I live in an apartment, that's what. And I have a hunch that they strongly dislike apartment dwellers.
I ordered my son's tuxedo for my sister's wedding online. I got an e-mail saying it was shipped. It never arrived. I decided to track it using the number in the e-mail. It said that it had been delivered by UPS to my local post office (USPS) and that the post office would finish the delivery within one extra business day. Well, by the time I had tracked this it had been a whole week. I started to panic, the wedding is next Saturday. My dad called UPS they said they did in fact deliver it to the post office a week ago and that now we needed to contact the original seller because it had been too long. My dad then called JCPenney and they told him that the package had been sent back to them.
1.) I never received a delivery attempt notice from the USPS. They used to leave those little sticky notes on the apartment door to let me know to pick it up or schedule redelivery.
2.) The woman at JCP said there was no notation that even let her know that they ever even TRIED to deliver it. So it could have just been sent straight back.
3.) She reluctantly agreed to ship it expedited at no extra charge, although I'll still be paying standard shipping twice which was $12. So, $24 to get a $60 tuxedo sent.
And now TODAY. I had a package from amazon coming. I got a text saying it was out for delivery today. I heard the USPS man knocking on the apartment door, but I was rocking my son to sleep and was NOT going to ruin it for a package that I can pick up or could be redelivered. Also, I'd have to put on an abaya and hijab and.... hassle.
So, I didn't answer the door. My son fell asleep. I put him to bed. I opened the door to pick up my notice so that I could reschedule delivery and put the instructions LEAVE AT THE DOOR. But guess what...there was no notice to be found. I KNOW they tried, they knocked three times! But people are BUSY and people can't always answer the door...(showers, naps, etc...) So where's my notice? Is this my punishment for too many unanswered deliveries? Now all of my packages just get returned without my knowing?
Grrrrrrrrrrrr.
That is all.
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