I'm Too Small

So, I had been drooling over this skirt from Christa-Taylor for months...

It finally went on sale (only $5.50 off...but I -really- wanted it) so I splurged and ordered. It came today, I had been planning on wearing it next week when my husband takes me out of town for my b-day. I ripped open the package and....HUGE. I mean, it's not huge, it's a small...but I'm smaller. I could have taken at least 6 inches off the length to get it the length in the photo. Don't even ask about the waist. Grrrrr. :( I'm sending it back, thus, losing money on shipping. I'm afraid to order anything online. A lot of the sites that sell 'Muslim' clothes start at size 4, 6, or sometimes even 8. (american sizes) I wear a 2. The maxi-skirts I have have elastic waistbands which i roll 3 or 4 times to get them short enough.

The swim suit I posted as wanting earlier says their small is the same as a U.S. size 8. They don't take returns so I'm afraid to even try. It's really the only Muslim suit I could see myself wearing, though. The others just aren't me.

*Sigh* What's a petite Mulsimah to do?

I Couldn't Tell Him

I hate where I'm at in my life right now. Trapped between my family and my husband. Trapped between Christianity and Islam.

My dad was being really weird today. They (my family) notice changes in me, and they don't like them. Most often they just step around the issues like walking on eggshells...but every once in awhile, they feel their glare at my long pants is not enough, every once in awhile, they feel the need to speak their concerns.

On Sunday I had a family reunion. I wore a floor length skirt. My dad objected, "It's going to be 94 degrees!" "Uh-huh," my response. Tired of asking the same question, today he makes it a statement, today he has accepted defeat. "You don't wear shorts anymore." There is so much embedded in that statement, hatred for my submission, hatred for my husband's control over me.... "I can. I choose not to." Discussion closed. Easier for him to believe my husband is controlling than to believe I think God expects this of me.

Monday. Today. I added Arabic to my schedule for the fall semester because it's my last semester on campus. I'm on scholarship, so if I were to take Arabic after graduation, I'd be out about $700. My dad gets home from work. "Did mom tell you I changed my schedule? I don't have lunch anymore."
"What, no, she didn't tell me? When are you going to pump(breastmilk for your son)?"
"Mom will feed him babyfood and juice while I'm gone. I'll be home by 1:30, I can just eat and feed him when I get home. It's my last semester so I decided to add Arabic. It conflicted with my registered English class, so I had to choose a new one. The only one with room meets during lunch."
(getting upset) "ARABIC? Why would you take that?"
"You know I've been wanting to learn. Teaching myself obviously hasn't been working that well. (My son) will speak it, too, you know. It'd be nice to understand him."
"I just don't want you becoming Muslim. (his greatest fear) You're scaring me. I don't want you to go crazy on me."
"What does me taking Arabic even have to do with that?"
conversation ends with the above rhetorical question.

Jump to....tonight. Presently. As I'm typing. My father keeps coming back in my room and sharing another tidbit of "advice." Although his advice is not advice at all...they're commands.

I walked in my room, and my dad sheepishly followed me in. I smoothly ask "and you're in my room because...?" I can tell something big is on his mind, but instead he goes on about a babysitter for my birthday (next week) and who's driving to the amusement park this weekend. Oookay? I wait for the bombshell.
3

2

1

"There is something else I want to ask. I, I don't really know what or how I want to ask. You know you have to stay Christian, right?" (of course, father, I know I have no choice but to blindly follow your religion)
"yeah"
"And you know you can't just start thinking that being a Muslim is alright? Cause it's not. They need Jesus." (actually you need to get your focus back on God, but....)
"Yeah, Dad."
"And you're getting married (next summer, legally) for love, not just because you have a baby, right?"
"Yes, Dad" (this one is actually true)
"He still treats you good."
"Yes, Dad."
"He doesn't force you to do stuff like a Muslim? I mean, how many things can you not do that you would like to?" (hug boys (i.e. my cousins, hubby got jealous about that), wear shorts, go swimming...but it's really not due to my husband, it's due to the fact that I need to please Allah with my actions)
"Nothing, Dad."
"(looking questioningly)okay, it's just, you aren't one of them. You're an American with a voice, I want to make sure that you're being heard in your relationship. You shouldn't have to live under the oppression that women live under in Muslim countries."
(breaking the pattern) "and you know how people live in other countries how?" (by the biased news, that's how. my dad hasn't left the country since he was 12)
"Your fights with (your husband)...they aren't because he wants you to do Muslim things? They're just for normal reasons, right?"
"Yeah, Dad. Everyone fights."
"But not all the time, right?"
"No, it's not all the time. And it's normal little things."
"Okay, normal things. Like the baby, good." (uh, what?)
I continue, "You're making me uncomfortable, could you please leave me alone?" (sweetly, honestly, I wasn't being rude)

he leaves.

3 minutes later. Re-entry.
"I just have to say one more time, you can't think that being Muslim is okay. Saying that you don't need Jesus for salvation is the same as rejecting him."
"Uh-huh, Dad. You're in my room again."

Exit.

2 minutes later.
"And I'm worried about (your son). Are you still going to be able to go to (our church) once you're married, or will you always have to go to that one out of town (the one he thinks I go to every other weekend...)"
"We don't even know where we'll live yet, Dad. We both need jobs."
"Well, if you want Mom to continue to watch (your son) it'll have to be nearby..."
"We BOTH need jobs. Then we'll decide where to live."
"Well, I like (neighboring county)."
"Uh-huh."
"(your husband) could get Dave to hire him full-time after graduation." (he's working for Dave now at our university for his internship...my father also works at our university...how convenient!)
"I don't really think that's what he had in mind."
"Why? I don't want him only looking for jobs in Musim 'enclaves.'"
"He's not just looking for a job in "Muslim enclaves," he's looking for a job, period. But the one at (university) isn't what he had in mind. He wanted to work for a company."
"Alright."
"Now could you please stay out of my room? I don't want to have to lock the door on you?"

laughs as he exits

My dad also acted like if I was planning on living as a Muslim after we got married (which is actually the plan), that he wouldn't let us get married at all.

WHAT????

I hate myself for not taking the opportunity to actually tell him...he gave me the perfect opening. I just don't want to live in the hell my family will create for me for the next 10 months. My dad now throws Jesus into all conversations. My brother innocently mentioned that our grandma's been watching reruns of 'Touched by an Angel.' "I don't like that show," dad replied. "What, we always watched it?" "They don't mention Jesus. It's no good if they don't point to baptism as the key to salvation."

UGH!!

My poor father left my room in good spirits thinking he had confirmed my unshaking faith and convinced me that living nearby is necessary for our happiness and well being.

If he only knew what i was typing as he was talking. I was honestly typing this in between his interrogations.

I'm afraid God gave me this uncomfortable opening for dialogue. And I didn't take it.

I'm a chicken.




I don't know how to get past this.

Islamic Ponderings

'Allah had cursed those women who tattoo and who have themselves tattooed, those who pluck hair from their faces and those who make spaces between their teeth for beautification, changing what Allah has created.' (hadith...)

I just read a post on a different blog about the controversial issue of plucking ones' eyebrows. The above hadith was copied and pasted straight from their blog.

So, I started wondering about this. My (Muslim) SIL always gets her eyebrows threaded at the mall. I personally get mine waxed every time I get my haircut. I know, I know, I'm new to Islam, so leave he scholars to deciding what's right and wrong. WELL, I may be new to Islam, but I'm not new to God. I've loved God all my life and have always feared and worshiped Him. My understanding of God is not that He will curse me for removing a minuscule amount of hair from my face. I'll admit upfront...I've got a lot of conflicting feelings regarding the whole hadith system. In regards to my eyebrows...if it's not in the Qur'an, I'll continue to get them waxed. My husband for one would be sorely disappointed if I stopped taking care of my eyebrows and let them run amuck on my face. Am I not allowed to please my husband?

I went in search for a bit more information on this hadith...and came up with this quotation:
"And it was suggested that what is forbidden is only that which is permanent, because that is changing the creation of Allaah; as for that which is not permanent, such as kohl which used for adornment by women, that is permitted by the scholars."

And now I'm even more stumped. SO, things that are PERMANENT are forbidden. Oh, okay, so my eyebrows don't grown back every month? How is plucking your eyebrows permanent?

And speaking of changing the creation of Allah, (I'm gonna get beat up for this one) what about body piercing? Saudi Arabia, the Islamic capital of the world, pierces the ears of baby girls in the hospital shortly after birth. Um...isn't that practice even more vain than plucking ones unsightly eyebrows? My ears are not pierced. My Christian parents would not allow me to put holes in the body that God gave me. But yet Muslims are in agreement that ear piercing (for women) is allowed, but no other body piercing, Heavens no!

I can pierce my ears...but I can't wax my eyebrows? I can use kohl...but I can't wax my eyebrows?

This hadith also got me thinking about "those who make spaces between their teeth for beautification." I, and most everyone I went to school with, had braces. I personally started treatment in the fourth grade. I got my palate expanded in the 6th grade, braces put on shortly thereafter, and did not get them removed until 9th grade. My teeth were BAD, and my mouth was too narrow to hold all of them (hence, the palate expander). In addition, my wisdom teeth were extracted from my gums three years ago because there was no room for them. The bottom ones would have dissolved the roots of my back teeth, and the top one (i only had 3) was blocking my sinus cavity.

So am I (and most everyone I know) cursed for getting braces?

I feel guilty typing these things 'out loud.' I fear that I'm a bad Muslim for questioning so much and coming to conclusions contrary to those of respected scholars.

Again and again I hear "Islam is all about taking the middle ground." If this is true, though, why are there such extreme rulings on such mundane matters as these?

Picture Post

Here are some things I see in my day to day life:

My wonderful son, Mash'Allah!


PICTURE DELETED FOR PRIVACY

The prayer rug my in-laws sent me from KSA,
My closet complete with tons of hijabs.
This thing on the wall that I can't read...all I know is it says Alhumdulillah
My drawer with two mishmars from KSA, and hand-me down prayer garment from my SIL,
My beautiful jalabiya that my MIL bought for me
a close up of the detail.
I love the jalabiya but don't have anywhere to wear it. I asked my husband where people wear these things and he said no where really. What? Then why do they sell them? He eventually said that he thinks women wear them to weddings. Well, I don't think I'll be attending any Arab or Muslim weddings soon so it will stay in the closet. I try it on sometimes just for fun, though.

Bilingual Children

My husband is Saudi, so Arabic is his first language. I am -trying- to learn Arabic and have recently gotten more serious about it. I know how to read and write the alphabet, but without any vocabulary that really doesn't do me a whole lot of good.

We want our son (9 months old presently) to be bilingual Arabic/English. There is NO Arabic speaking community or school programs around here, though, so it's all on us. AND my husband's at work all day so a lot of the responsibility to teach our son goes to me....but I don't know Arabic! How can I teach my son a language I do not know?

It's very important to my husband because his mom doesn't speak English, and he feels that he can better say what he wants in Arabic, so he wants our son to be able to speak his childhood language. It's important to me, too, because it will help him learn about Islam, and I think it's super important for him to cherish his arab culture while growing up in America. (also, it really is beneficial for children to be bilingual...believe me, I've studied it extensively in college for my minor)

Has anybody else tried or succeeded in raising a bilingual child? Is anyone planning to raise their (future) children bilingual?

I'm reading a book called "Raising a Bilingual Child," and it keeps stressing the importance of making the minority language accessible to children. For this reason I've bought a lot of Arabic children's books, flashcards, and workbooks. I ordered a lot yesterday from online-Islamic-store.com.

Here are the items I ordered for my son:

An Arabic alphabet floor puzzle,
Arabic alphabet/word flash cards,

An Arabic workbook,

Magnetic Arabic letters (that have ALL forms of each letter which is GREAT),and another Arabic writing workbook.


And I bought the following for myself from the same site:
Books on Reverts (I eat these stories up),and an Arabic book for me.My dad and sister have complained to me about how I buy my son only Arabic books and flashcards (we have hundreds of English children's books at home from my childhood). I try to explain that he will learn English AT SCHOOL and simply because it is the community language. Arabic has to always be a constant effort for him to feel comfortable. They drive me nuts. They complain about Islam, as I understand because they're Christian, but what do they have against the Arabic language? I have no doubt that my son will speak, read, and write English. But with Arabic it all depends on mine and hubby's effort to implement it in our lives.

Annoyed

Has anyone besides me done a search for "Islam" on any online site that sells books?

I'm sure I'm not the only one. I search for Islam and end up with a bunch of books written by a) westerners looking to make a buck by feeding the Islamaphobes just what they want to hear or b) "Islamic Extremists" turned Christian or atheist who are explaining why their religion is so wrong and an 'enemy to the west' (when they were never correctly practicing their religion in the first place, so probably aren't qualified to write a book about it).

To find a valid book on Islam written by an Imam or Sheik you have to first search through pages and pages of pure blasphemous filth.

The new trend seems to be books on the "endtimes." Everyone is soo obsessed with prophesying the end times and the signs are all there and blah di blah di blah. Yes, there will be a judgment day. BUT, if God wanted us to know when it was, He would have told us. We can watch for signs, we can read our books, but I don't think this is what God wants. I think God wants us to LIVE our lives. Accept death when it comes, but we must enjoy the time that God has given us. Our time on this earth is a gift and not one that we should wish away!

Just by reading book reviews on Amazon I have learned that:
- the Prophet Muhammad mandated a death sentence for all apostates of Islam
- Islam's awaited Messiah (Imam Al-Mahdi) is the anti-Christ mentioned in the Christian Bible
- Islamic Jihad = violence and terrorism
- Qur'an is a historical record written by humans from an Arab and tribal perspective
and of course...
- Islam oppresses women

Astaghfirullah for even repeating these lies!

Soooo, if I can get this much from just reading reviews, what do you think the people eating up these books believe about Islam?

Honestly, reading the reviews makes me sick. It makes me want to start a religious debate on the amazon site. People are MAKING MONEY off of BASHING ISLAM. They may not even truly believe everything they write...(I certainly hope they aren't that paranoid)...but they'll even sell out God to make a buck it seems.

Yes, the anti-christ will worship one God alone, pray 5 times a day, fast, give to charity...WAIT a minute, that sounds like what CHRIST did, wouldn't we be looking for different qualities in the ANTI-christ?

The Christian books written on Islam are, of course, incorrect. But at least sometimes the author's intentions are noble. (you know, save the Muslims! they need Jesus! etc.) They truly want to help us. BUT, some of them are not so innocent. Some of them think that by making Islam look bad and pointing out so-called 'contradictions' in the Qur'an, that somehow making one religion (islam) look bad makes the other (christianity) true.

I can't stand it. I've ranted long enough, I know. I'm just so disgusted at the naivity of people. What's worse, is they believe they're 'well read, and knowledgeable' about Islam.

Ramadan

I don't think I'll be fasting this Ramadan because I'm still breastfeeding. I asked on a Muslim forum on parenting.com about this and got very mixed reviews. Some women noticed their milk supply drying within 3 days, others fasted the whole month without any problems. My son eats solids (at most) once a day so he is still very dependent upon me for most all of his nutritional needs. Scholars agree that a woman can make up her fasts after weaning (but before the next Ramadan). This is fine if I only breastfeed a year, but what if I chose to breastfeed the full two years? I would not be able to make it up before the next Ramadan, and I'd miss the next one as well...? I'm not too worried about this just yet, honestly I'm comfortable with stopping at or around one year. (hubby on the other hand thinks since the Qur'an says 2 years, I should shoot for two. I tried to explain that scholars say this is beneficial and recommended, but really two years was mentioned because that's the cut off point. Alas, he is stubborn. Once he starts lactating then we can have this discussion, you think? ;)

Anyway, just my thoughts on Ramadan. I feel like a slacker since this is my first one as a Muslim and I am not participating in full. I will still focus on my relationship with God, though, read the Qur'an, and make a more conscious effort to be charitable. I will also fast a day here or there. We'll see how it goes before determining how often.

Has anybody else not fasted while breastfeeding?