Numbers

I converted to Islam last June.  There is no big "date" that I can point back to. I said my shahada myself to God from my bed multiple times before reciting the Arabic with my husband one day. 

When I started this blog I had not yet told my family.  Those of you who have followed me know that I told them at the end of October.  I had been Muslim for 5 months.

Those five months of hiding seemed like an eternity.  They literally seemed to stretch forever, every day the question of "when should I tell them?" plaguing my mind.

I thought once I told them I would be more free to openly "practice."  But my telling them didn't affect all that much of my actual "Muslim-ness."  Living with my husband has helped.  I've been praying regularly since moving in.  I can now recite the prayers in Arabic w/out the use of my "cheat sheet."  I can't believe it has been 8 months now since I've told them.  I expected to have grown so much more in the 8 months than I actually have.  I quit wearing capris this summer (last summer it was already rare) and have given up short sleeve shirts.  When with my husband I am generally in proper hijab, but with my family i still do not wear the scarf and usually have 3/4 sleeves.  I feel it draws less attention to me that way.

I long for the day when I can dress one way and only one way regardless of who's around.  Insha'Allah that day will come soon.

In regard to dress, my mother just called while I was typing this.  My sister's wedding is in October.  She picked a bridesmaid dress that I cannot possibly wear.  Strapless and short.  She won't talk to me about it, so all dress negotiations are done through our mother.  Mom just called with an alternative for me to look up on the website.  It was floor length with straps, be still sleeveless.  I said, it's okay, but can I wear a jacket or at least a shawl.  My sister (through my mom) not only said that "no" that was not okay, but also that she wanted me to get it cut to just below knee length.

What is the point of looking for an alternative dress for me if it's still not meeting any of the requirements that my idea of modesty calls for?  I'm glad she's at least acknowledged now that I won't be wearing that other dress, but really...we've got a long way to go still.  I'm the matron of honor, so really I don't think it would be that odd for me to be wearing a different dress than the other girls.  Also, our extended family has seen the way my clothing has changed over the past year, and after my long sleeved wedding gown I don't think anyone would be surprised to see me in a more modest dress.  She says it's "her wedding" and she "envisioned" this specific dress and I'm "ruining" her pictures and whatnot.  I understand that many brides feel they are in control of every aspect of their weddings, but really, is it more important to have your sister by your side or to have her in such a specific dress.  Others, not understanding the call for modesty, may side with her, saying I'M the one who should put my sister first on her wedding day and wear whatever regardless of whether it's a potato sack or a clown costume.  I see it differently, though, I see it as putting Allah first, not just an issue of clothing.  What do you think?

Books, pigs, and other household duties

So, I have been living with my husband now for 3 weeks.  In those three weeks I have taken on the role of "homemaker."  I cook, I clean, I launder, and of course I continue to do the majority of work regarding our son.

This is the same role my mother played in our household growing up.  At times her and my father would fight because she felt like we weren't helping out enough, or we didn't appreciate what she was doing for the family.  I never understood these arguments, and didn't understand how my mother could be SO upset when to me I did not see a "big deal."

As I'm sure you can guess, I have come to understand.  We had a big fight on Saturday for similar reasons.  I have turned into my mother, temper included.  :/

There is so much to do, it's like I can never fully keep up.  And then there's still all the wedding thank you's needing to be written (by ME alone of course) sitting on the desk over there.  I graduated with all these high honors yada yada yada...and now I have no desire to work.

I have decided to not look for a job, since we are moving in January.  Although I did turn in my name to continue to substitute teach (Allah, help me).  But after just three weeks of maintaining a household, I don't even want to sub (but we could really use the money). 

I don't know, spending more time with my son and seeing how much there is to do around here has made me want to put work on hold until my son (and eventually children, insha'Allah) are in school.  A lot of people don't understand, thinking I've thrown my hard earned degree out the window.  But my mom understands.  My sister understands.  And my grandmothers understand.  Because they've either lived it, or reaped the benefits of having a mother who lived it.  There are years ahead of me in which to work (insha'Allah), but my son is only this age for a short time, and I want to be here for him.  HE is my passion, not work.

Anyway, onto piggies....as though I didn't have enough on my plate cooking and cleaning and caring for three...my husband finally got rid of the parrots as a wedding "gift" to me.  (oh how I hated their squealing...especially when it woke up our son).  So, hooray!  no parrots!  More room for all the stuff I'm moving in!  No more dirty cages!  No more expensive pet food!  No more vacuuming 24/7!

We went to the pet store the other day.   Just for fun.  Just so our son could enjoy the animals.

And I, yes ME, not my husband, I went temporarily insane and bought a guinea pig.

Now I have this huge cage taking up space in our apartment, now I have to vacuum 24/7 because he throws his bedding everywhere, now I have to feed him twice a day and completely clean his cage every four days, now I have to let him exercise daily, now I have to buy not only expensive pet FOOD, but vitamins, and bedding, and toys....

Hmmm.. Me thinks I was a bit hasty in my decision. 

He is precious, though.  His name is Jameel and he's furry and sweet.  Actually, he doesn't really like us yet, but I'm just SURE he'll end up being sweet...right?  right?  RIGHT?

Also, books...I'm reading a very nice book at the moment.  I bought it hoping a could relate a bit.  And although I'm not so much because a) the girl in the story had a background much different than mine b) she is African American (which not to sound un-pc but the African American experience is generally very unlike the Eurpoean American experience, at least the experience of the girl in the book) and c) she embraced Islam much more "abruptly" than me.  But regardless, it's a fun read and I'm dying to find out what happens next.  It's called "Realities of Submission" by Umm Zakiyyah.
 


So, that's a quick update of my "new" life.  I still go to my parents quite often, because, well, because I love them, of course.  It's so wonderful to finally live with my husband, though! 

Wedding Photo

Yes, I cut our heads off on purpose.  I did not fully cover my hair AND I'm still trying to remain fairly private on here.


And yes, it is blurry.  I dropped my camera that day and it decided to let too much light into the majority of my photos. :/

We did have a professional photographer so all will be well.

Alhumdullilah!!!

Our legal marriage ceremony was yesterday.  It was forecast to rain all day long but the skies remained sunny for our outdoor wedding!  Everything was beautiful!  My husband was dashing, and I hadn't seen him for two weeks so it made everything even more exciting.  My sister, brother, mom, dad, son, sister's fiance, and two grandmothers were the only ones in attendance.  It was small, intimate, and lovely and I'm so happy I stood my ground and didn't let it grow out of control.

So, in any future posts, "my husband's apartment" is now OUR APARTMENT.  And I can now say "my parents house."  Oh what fun.  :)

We have a BIG reception in two weeks (150+ people).  I tried to keep that in check as well but it took on a life of its own.  :/

Shockwaves

A boy I went to high school with killed himself at 2:00 this morning.  We weren't good friends, but he was close with some of my close friends.  He left a suicide "status" on facebook via his cell phone, and then ran into the highway in front of an oncoming semi. 

What could be going through your mind to make you do such a thing?

This is a small community, hence the title "shockwaves." Everyone's leaving facebook messages "RIP, you're in a better place...etc."

Too bad I don't believe that's true.

Store

I added a new store at the bottom of my page.  Check it out!  I wanted anyone passing through who may be interested in Islam to see that you can find modest western clothing.  I also wanted to recommend a few books that have really helped me with my conversion to Islam.  I think MisGod'ed and God'ed are must reads for EVERYone.  I hand selected all of the books for sale.  Many of them I own and/or have read.  Some are still just waiting in my shopping cart...but I think they'll be good.  :)

Anyway, it wouldn't fit in the side bar, so it's all the way down at the bottom.  I hate advertising for myself so it will probably never be mentioned again.

Thanks!

HOT

It's definitely 90 degrees farenheit* here today...

and it definitely sucks.


I have to be outside because it's my sister's fiance's graduation party (from 4-9....i might die if we don't leave early).

I don't even wear hijab with my family yet, so I'm wearing a maxi dress with a cropped cardigan that is 3/4 sleeves. Unfortunately, the dress needs a slip and the cardigan is not loose so there's not a lot of air flow.

I can't imagine what today would feel like with a hijab and full length sleeves added to my ensemble. It really is just a nasty nasty humid day. I start sweating immediately upon walking out the door.

I am comforted to realize that even the almost naked girls are hot, as well. On days like this, you're hot no matter what. I think we're just conditioned to think that less clothing means we're more comfortable in the heat.


* 90 degrees F is equivalent to 32.2 degrees celcius.