I was home this weekend. From Thursday through Monday to be exact. I didn't go to church with my family. This is the third visit home in which I didn't go with them. I'm finally starting to stand up for myself and my Islam a bit more.
Anyway, my dad was basically crying when he left for church and when he came home. He told me "your aunt was asking about you." And I said, "asking what?" "Well, she knew you were in town and she asked where you were, I had to tell her you were home. She said, "she didn't want to go to church with you!?"
"Dad, I'm done lying to people." End scene. Drop curtain. etc. etc.
In addition to the constant guilt trips, my dad also points out that any problem my husband and I encounter is due to me being Muslim. For example: You don't have friends in your new town? It's because you don't go to church so you haven't met anyone. Your two year old son is temperamental and grates on your nerves? It's because you don't take him to church. Oh, all two year olds are temperamental? Well, then, you'd have the patience to deal with it if you were Christian. You don't have $3000 lying around to pay the IRS? Well, if you were Christian, God would provide.
WHAT THE %$#!?!?!?!?!?!?
Also, it looks like my husband will have a 3 month internship this summer in Minnesota. The company pays for him to live there, not me. Also, we have a lease on our place in Kentucky so we can't afford to move me to Minnesota for three months. I'm not staying in Kentucky where I know no one....so, it looks like I'll be living back at home for 3. whole. months.
I truly WISH I could be happy about it. Close to my friends and family again... but I can't take the constant badgering. I can't take them forcing me and my son to pray (in Jesus' name before we eat. I can't take them reading Bible stories to my son. I can't take missing so many prayers because I have to pray in secret and it's hard to find the privacy. I can't take the major step back of not wearing hijab for 3 months when I was wearing it full time in Kentucky. I. can't. take. it.
I've either got to prepare myself for the shitstorm that'll come when I walk through their door in hijab, or I've got to give in to being a doormat for the entire summer.
So, keep the peace by being a doormat, or stand my ground and have perhaps an even more uncomfortable summer.
I am so frustrated. I could really use dua for courage for myself and for understanding from my parents.
8 comments:
What a tough decision! Let's make a deal, sis, let's both stand up for ourselves and our belief, and let's refuse to be doormats!
I received a verse that might help you too:
من أرضى الله بسخط الناس كفاه الله، ومن أسخط الله برضى الناس وكله الله إلى الناس
He who seeks God's contentment over (or) at the expense of angering people, God will protect him. and he who angers God to please people, God will leave him to them (lift His protection and mercy)
(My friends's own translation)
May Allah swt make it easy for you and give you all the strength you need to stand up for yourself and to live the life you want to live, ameen. :)
P.S: I gave you the Stylish Blogger Award on my blog! :)
Would it really be that bad to stay in Kentucky? Maybe btwn now and then you can get out and meet some people. Trust me, living in NY alone knowing no one when my ex left me right after I first moved there was ten times better than moving in with my controlling parents who do EXACTLY the same thing that yours are doing.
I'd just think about Kentucky....it might not be so bad :)
Assalaam Alaikum Nikki,
This is my first time commenting on your blog (I'm usually a silent reader), but I just wanted to say that I pray Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, in His infinite mercy, makes living temporarily with your family easy for you, and grants you the patience to be able to deal with any obstacles that may arise, Ameen.
I also wanted to share some du'as which you may find helpful, Insha'Allah. =)
Please check out the following links:
http://www.makedua.com/display_dua.php?sectionid=40
http://www.makedua.com/display_dua.php?sectionid=34
I'll keep you in my du'as sis.
I will pray for you.
its hard when dealing with family on these issues. its amazing too that when other think you just dont have God in your life because youre a muslim. not God in the real sense but you know, "Jesus/God". im sure, even if they havent said that, thats what "not going to church" implies.
nikki, you have to try to make this as easy for yourself as possible. 3 months is a really long time. BUT how do you feel about going to church every week for 3 months and listening to the jesus/God speeches or furthermore your child being involved in that "lets ask jesus" scenario. i used to let my little girl visit church with her older siblings until i realized that even on occasional visits she was being exposed to shirk. i know their intentions are good, but well, you know.
you have to decide whats best for you and your child and at the same time balance the relationship with your family.
at any rate, i will keep you in my prayers because its so tough dealing with non muslim family members who are positive your life and eternal life is OVER because youre a muslim
May Allah swt make your living situation better and may you be granted what is best for you for your dunya and akhira with ease. AMEEN.
I was going through a miscarriage and my mother said it was because of my "lifestyle." May we all be granted hidayat and strenght to practice the deen properly. AMEEN
come stay with me! i wish it was that easy.
good luck and may allah make the path you want easy.
*big hugs*
is there no way you can sub-lease ur place in Kentucky and join him in Minnesota? or maybe stay there and work or volunteer??? just some ideas...i pray it works out for your cuz that sounds really frustrating, especially if it means taking steps back in your spiritual growth...
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