Obviously, I mean that figuratively. I miss the "communion" of church (not the bread and grape juice, the people and dialogue), and there is no mosque here that I'm comfortable attending. My husband and I can only talk religion so much. He is more conservative than myself and not as open to what he considers "deviant" views. He is a very practicing Shi'a and although he doesn't mind my not labeling myself (sunni/shi'a) I know if I were to take on a different label, such as Sunni or Quranist he would feel hurt. I once shared my (quite unpopular in the Islamic world) belief that perhaps Jesus actually was crucified, and that the verses could be read with that interpretation. He totally didn't buy it and said I could not disagree with something in the Qur'an or I was not a Muslim. I tried to explain that I didn't disagree with the Qur'an, I thought the Qur'an could support my case. Didn't help and an unnecessary argument ensued.
So, no "organized" congregation to attend, and if I share questions and doubts with my husband, he solves them by telling me what to believe. Which doesn't actually help unless I believe it, you know.
So that's why I'm thankful for this blog. It started as a place where I could simply shout "I am Muslim!" when my parents did not yet know. But now it's become much more. It's not the website, of course, it's the people. I can post a concern or misunderstanding, and get a variety of opinions, resources, and reprisals. I may not like all that I hear, but at least I get a variety. And even things I disagree with, they only help me to better understand myself and what I want for my relationship with God.
So thank you all. I may not respond to every comment. But know that I do read every one, and I do ponder what is said.
We're moving in late December/January. I've already mentioned that on here. Still not sure where, 4 or 8 hours away. But both towns are small and neither has a mosque. I'll be leaving my family and friends, but you all get to come with me! It's like my own traveling, um, Holy book study. (Didn't want to make anyone not feel welcome) :)
4 comments:
You are thankful for this blog because well intention people support your doubts by feeding them.
You need a strong muslim to guide you ,not internet so call friend who will stroke your back and try to make you feel better by telling you what you want to hear!
Islam is not a religion where you can choose to believe some things and push aside others.
Sameerah
Aw I feel the same way *hugs* glad to have people like you to chat with
You're cute. :) This is also what I like about my online friends. They go with me when I travel. Best wishes as you plan your move. :)
Sameerah,
I understand, but at the same time...that's what I need from them. I need them to stroke my back and tell me it's okay to question, search, doubt, discover. I don't need them to force feed what I "have to believe" or I will shut them out and desert my religious quest altogether. (I shut out my husband when he turns "high and mighty")
If only people like you read my blog, I can almost guarantee I would no longer be Muslim. If I have to take "all of Islam," what does that even mean? The majority of Muslim countries have skewed culture and religion together so badly that most people don't know where one ends and one begins. It's hard to really know what is Islam, what is culture, what is authentic, what, what, what.
So I question. Because it's unIslamic to forbid something that Allah has made halal. But I think Muslims are happily doing that every day. Gender segregation, for one, is not Islamic. Therefore, it could be said to be an innovation (meaning haram), yet, Muslims in Saudi Arabia preach it as a God given rule.
So who's committing the greater sin? Them for innovating and saying something is from God when it is not, or me, for daring to question such things?
I've heard Islam called the "thinking man's religion." So, let me think. If you have a problem with common sense, read someone else's blog.
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