Quite literally, but I was referring to being tired of following someone else's definition of Islam. I'm finally coming to accept that a lot of "standard" or "orthodox" Islamic views will never align with my actual feelings on certain things.
A big one for me is various fatwas telling me I can't do a, b, or c because it is "western" and would hence be "imitating the kafirs." Excuse me, I was raised in the west. I AM "WESTERN." I am imitating no one, just being myself. My clothing is "imitating the kafirs," my shaking people's hands in formal situations/meeting for the first time is "imitating the kafirs," my continuing to celebrate birthdays is "imitating the kafirs."
I used to feel a bit guilty about these things, but I'm done. I felt guilty because I was TOLD, by actual Muslims and internet sites, that I should. I did not ever feel guilty because I thought I was displeasing God with any of the above actions.
I shook a man's hand yesterday, I hugged an unrelated male the day before, and I wear jeans or a maxi skirt everyday. I'm not striving to wear abaya or niqab. I've even quit trying to give up all non-mahram male contact.
And I'm still a practicing Muslim. I'm still keeping the five pillars (although hajj is still in the future, insha'Allah).
Islam was starting to depress me because I felt like everywhere I turned I was told that almost everything that had to do with my "previous" life was haram. I wondered what was wrong with me. Why wasn't I willing to give up these things for God?
I honestly believe now it's because God hasn't convicted me of the "sin" in these actions. Celebrating with family and friends, innocent contact with men with pure intentions, music, and even some mixed dancing (not club dancing or anything) I don't see as wrong.
I know a LOT of people reading this will disagree with me. Of course, I know that, that's where this post came from.
The divide from HOW I believe and practive versus HOW OTHERS FEEL I should believe and practice.
My Islam is between me and God, thank you. And if you insist on commenting to "correct my wayward ways" anyway, you better have Quranic verses to back you up, because I am not at the point where I'm convinced on hadith, and there are various fatwas to back up almost any side of an issue you wish to present as "the truth."
I'm sick of being made to feel that every time I'm actually happy, or having fun, I'm doing something "haram." So the essence of Islam is to live this life in miserable solitude? Not for me.
13 comments:
I agree with you. Stay strong!
I agree with you 100%!!!! As Zuhura said, STAY STRONG!!! So many times was I told that pretty much the way I lived my life is HARAM. . .AHHH I was about to go crazy! It got to the point that I just didn't care AT ALL about praying or even trying to do what's "right." Thankfully, I care about praying again and just living a respectable, good life for God. I learned not to be too hard on myself because the moment I do is the moment I start resenting Islam itself. Never do I want to resent Islam!!
Your islam????
There's only one Islam and you cannot pick and choose what you like and discard what you don't!!!!
*hugs* I know how you feel, its what turned me away from Islam but Thank God that has not happened to you. I hope your faith continues to get stronger. Be you, and love God. :)
@ anonymous - And who practices this illusive "one Islam" you speak of? There are four different schools of thought just within Sunni Islam. There are even more marjas within Shi'a Islam, and that's not even getting into Sufism, Quranists, etc. etc. etc. Each of those mentioned believes "their" Islam is the "only true Islam."
Instead of picking and choosing one of the above sects (or another not mentioned) I chose to believe that not one of them is the "only true Islam." I believe that a follower of any of the sects can get to Heaven depending upon their faith and character. This allows me to see good aspects of not only all of the Islamic sects, but also good aspects of other faith traditions. In reality, I think it will make me a much more tolerant and loving person, towards myself and fellow man/woman.
I wish it were so easy as to say THIS is the real Islam, but let's be honest with ourselves, it's not. So as for me, Ashadu an la ilaha il Allah, Muhammad-ur-Rasool-Allah.
If that doesn't make me a "true" Muslim...what does?
That whole "imitating the kafirs" thing really bugs me. I understand what it means and agree that Muslims should avoid intentionally doing things that are clearly not Islamic (reading tarot cards, believing horoscopes, getting one's fortune told, etc.). However, people make it out to be like anything American or European is inherently "kafir", which is not the case at all. Is everything that is Arab also Muslim? I don't think so. As long as they don't go against Islamic teachings, I will hold onto my "Western" ways, thank you very much.
While I do follow hadiths as well as the Qur'an, and I would avoid some of the things that you say you're doing, I would never, ever denounce someone as a "kafir". If someone believes "La ilaha illa ALLAH, Muhammad rasul ALLAH", then they are Muslim, plain and simple. We all make mistakes, and we all sin, and only ALLAH has the right to judge us. I feel like I say this all the time, but apparently too many people forget it.
@ Elisa: "Never do I want to resent Islam!!" I completely agree. Whenever I get frustrated or upset about something in Islam, it's pretty much always the actions or opinions of other people rather than Islam itself.
Anne and Nikki: A lot of that "Imitating the Kafir" comes from those who believe all who are not Muslim (including Christians and Jews) fall under the Kafir category. So western clothing, food, customs etc are considered to belong to the Kafir because they were not created by Muslims or directly part of Islam. That is my understanding anyway from my experiences.
I suppose then if it was an American clothing company but by a Muslim designer it would not be Kafir by their standards...Unless they felt the clothing the Muslim designer made imitated the kafir...
Wow way too complicated. But in short, I think that is how "all West = imitating kafir" comes from
thank you, nikki! this is something i have also struggled with a lot, especially since many of my friends from the masjid are from more closed cultures. i am often worrying that i am offending them or if they think I am a "bad" muslim. But I am american, and I will always be. i am muslim, but i am also american. i will not get rid of my sweet, snuggly dogs, nor will I refuse to accept a facebook friend request from an old (strictly platonic) male friend from high school. i think a lot of times people get caught up in cultural practices and call them islam, because the majority of people who adhere to those practices identify as muslims. it's like saying that baseball is a christian game, because baseball is an american game and the prevalent religion in america is christianity. i think that a lot of times culture gets extrapolated to religion. but I believe wholeheartedly that it IS possible to be culturally American AND a good muslim! :-) islam was never meant to be for one culture; islam is for everyone, and it transcends culture, which renders the "it's too western" argument invalid, since it relies solely on someone's definition of culture.
so many people feel this way my dear sis. its easy for people who were raised in muslim majority countries to never agree with anything we do or even understand it because they did not grow up the way we did.
i wrote a blog post some time back about the same thing....what OTHERS expect of me. what other muslims think of me to be exact and finally figuring out that we are not all from the same neck of the woods, that we do not all have the same culture, that we do not all have to dress like middle easterners or asians because we are NOT middle easterners or asians. the very muslim who is saying we are imitating the kafir is the same one who is celebrating their mothers birthday. the very one who says we are imitating the kafir is wearing a skin tight shirt and her hair half exposed under her hijab. the very same brother who is telling us our iman is low is the same brother who has a wife in his country and a secret one in his new western country.....shall i go on?
you follow the pillars of islam, the beliefs and sunnah and youll be just fine. so many things that we know now werent even around all those years ago in saudia arabia...if they are not haram in nature then why do we make them haram?
someone in FB was praying that she could lose some of her shyness so she could speak publicly and i told her to make dua and ask Allah to help her remove her shyness. a response i got from a sister was that we are to have haya and we women are to be timid and shy. as we all know, arabic cannot be translated in a mere word. being humble, to me, is not the same thing as being shy....when did we decide that women were supposed to be shy to be a good muslimah?
nikki you are brave and a good muslimah...so many people think that just because we are to remind each other of islam that we are supposed to do it loudly, boldly, publicy and arrogantly as they are obviously so much better than the rest of us.
i wanted to add something...its always "anonymous" that comes and adds the holier than thou remark.
they are never quite brave enough to post by name.
i haven't really had this problem. only one or two things i wont give up because it doesn't make sense to me.
i have heard a lot of new muslims do tend to feel this way. they try to take it all on and then it gets to be too much.
for me i didn't do anything because people told me. if they told me something, i was like "why?" and they would explain it. it had to make logical sense to me before i would except it (even the sunna, hadiths weren't enough. i needed the logic behind it).
also i feel if you're going by the quran that's good enough. everything else is extra. and my husband explained it as-if there are different opinions among scholars then you mix their thoughts together and choose.
if one school of though says it's haram to do this but others say its ok, or another says its ok but limited-my advice would be fall back on logic.
i know some people won't agree with me. but i feel i'm doing the best i can.
in my opinion i don't see shaking hands as wrong, i still hang out with my male cousins when their at my aunts, we never had big birthday parties in my family but we'd celebrate them by going out to dinner or something which i don't see as wrong. mixed dancing i don't do only because i never danced-i look stupid- lol.
the one thing i have heard a lot of debate about is halloween and some on thanksgiving. halloween i understand. but thanksgiving-that's cultural. i'm not giving it up. granted they say no to it because you're supposed to give thanks everyday but thats not how i see it. i see it as the celebration the pilgrams and indians had that fall way back in the 1400s (right? or was it 1500?)
thats where thanksgiving came from.
sorry long comment. but i hope this helps :)
@ Muslim and Proud - Thanks! I love long comments and it does help. It's hard to follow something "just because" it's so much easier to do what's right when we can easily see the benefit/the reasoning behind it.
Mixed dancing I don't actually do, because my husband would freak out. But I don't really see the harm in doing the Chicken Dance or a line dance to Cotton Eyed Joe...just silly stuff like that. Obviously I can see the logic in abstaining from suggestive dancing and dance moves, but I've grown up on the Chicken dance (maybe it's an Italian thing?) and it's difficult to see it as "bad."
Halloween is understandable, even Christians have differing views on whether or not it should be celebrated. My parents were always strictly against morbid costumes and witch costumes because they felt they glorified witchcraft or death. For the past, well, at least 9 years...my whole family has gone "trick or treating" as a unit. I say "trick or treating" in quotes because as an alternative to the greedy door to door mad dash for candy in slutty costumes....they turned Halloween into a wonderful family holiday for us. I still feel comfortable celebrating our "version" of Halloween. We actually do it around Halloween, not even on the day. (This year for example we'll go on October 24).
Anyway, we all dress up in a themed costume (often based on a song or TV show) and go all over a three county area visiting all of our nearby relatives and close friends. Sure, some give us candy, but even if no one did, we'd still do it. People really look forward to us coming and start guessing what we'll be months before October. My husband, a born Muslim, is even going with us this year. He is a strict, practicing Muslim, but he can see that this is strictly a family tradition that is done to bring joy to all involved. Also, I don't see a problem with being thankful everyday, but also getting together with family to eat a big meal on a Thursday in November. (Thanksgiving) As long as the food is halal (which, we found halal turkeys so I think we'll be good to go this year), what's the problem?
Christmas and Easter...now, those are religious and I truly see the issue. That doesn't mean I'm not still struggling to make them less and less of a presence in my life.
I so agree with you. I think this whole new wave of "imitating the kaffirs" madness comes from the Islamic revolutions going on in te Arab world, where the Arab media have created an enemy out of the West and have branded every single western thing as evil.
Of course, its hypocritical - IT, technology, petrol, fashion, starbuck, cars - even weapons they are using to fight eachother - these are all western (kaffir) and new (innovative)
I really understand why the propaganda war is important when you are in open comba, it's important that your soliders have pure hatred for the opposing side and to not even think twice about killing them, and to feel no compassion - but for those of us who are not in open combat, and for those of us who are just going to work, coming home, going cinema and eating popcorn: we don't need that level of hatred in our hearts and that level of brainwashing.
In Thailand - there are plenty of Muslims and they are all very Thai in their way of being, they eat Thai food, they drink Thai drink, they speak Thai language, they have different hair, skin and eyes to the rest of us - but we don't go: "your imitating the orientals!" - no. We don't do that because they are not imitating anything at all.
Same here - I am in UK, I grew up a certain way, I read certain books, I'm related to a Certain type of people - I'm not imitating anything, this is my natural way of being and no book, and no prayer is going to convert me into a 7th century Arab. It's just not going to happen.
So... I hear you sister. I really hear you.
Peace,
Jasmine x
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