I'm celebrating it culturally and secularly, but for the first year am not celebrating it for it's religious significance (in Christianity).
It hurts to hear Christmas music and force myself to stop singing along. I still like looking at Christmas lights, and I still think our Christmas tree with all of the Hallmark ornaments from my grandmother is the coolest in town.
I bought gifts for my son, my parents, my sister, my brother, my grandparents, and my husband. I loooove finding the perfect gift for someone. And whether I'm Christian or not, I still see the value in giving and showing loved ones that I care! (of course)
I've read different opinions online. That Christmas is an "innovation" and should not be celebrated, or that if one's family is Christian it is okay to celebrate because it is a time for family.
I'm just wondering about some of your opinions. Are any of you (reverts or semi-reverts) celebrating? Do you have reservations or are you going all out?
I'm fully aware that some of you will disagree with me 100%. Feel free to share your thoughts. We're all entitled to have an opinion.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Wedding Reception
I know, I know...you're all dying for an update on my family and my son....
and I promise, when school slows down, I will deliver. (2 more weeks until Christmas break)!
BUT, what I'm discussing today is WEDDING RECEPTION.
Saudi wedding reception.
In Michigan.
Most likely segregated.
THIS SATURDAY.
Let us look at all of the factors making me uncomfortable:
1) I've never been to Michigan.
2) I've never been to a Muslim, well, anything really.
3) I will only know my SIL if it is, in fact, segregated.
4) I don't have any idea what one wears to these things.
You all can't help with #'s 1-3, so let's focus on #4.
What do I wear? I don't own an abaya, so I will have to be hijabified at all times, even when just with the women, I assume. Will I look out of place wearing a normal shayla at this type of event? Is a tweed skirt okay? Or would it be considered too conservative for something segregated??
My, oh my. I'm really at a loss. My husband is absolutely NO help (imagine that). He's never actually seen women at these things so I guess I can't blame him, though!
Advice, please?
and I promise, when school slows down, I will deliver. (2 more weeks until Christmas break)!
BUT, what I'm discussing today is WEDDING RECEPTION.
Saudi wedding reception.
In Michigan.
Most likely segregated.
THIS SATURDAY.
Let us look at all of the factors making me uncomfortable:
1) I've never been to Michigan.
2) I've never been to a Muslim, well, anything really.
3) I will only know my SIL if it is, in fact, segregated.
4) I don't have any idea what one wears to these things.
You all can't help with #'s 1-3, so let's focus on #4.
What do I wear? I don't own an abaya, so I will have to be hijabified at all times, even when just with the women, I assume. Will I look out of place wearing a normal shayla at this type of event? Is a tweed skirt okay? Or would it be considered too conservative for something segregated??
My, oh my. I'm really at a loss. My husband is absolutely NO help (imagine that). He's never actually seen women at these things so I guess I can't blame him, though!
Advice, please?
Thursday, November 19, 2009
In the News
Here's the newspaper story:
Published: November 18, 2009 11:08 pm
The Tribune-Star
TERRE HAUTE — A sign at a Terre Haute church bearing a message that many people would deem “intolerant” has raised an objection from a concerned teenager who could not let the message go unchallenged.
Saagarika Coleman submitted a letter to the editor of the Tribune-Star (see page A8) stating that she was “hit with a wave of shock. I was horrified” when she saw the sign at Bible Baptist Church as her father drove her to school Monday morning.
The sign stated, “Jesus died and rose and lives for you. What did Allah do.”
To Coleman and others, the message seems to challenge or belittle the Muslim faith. At best, such sentiments strike some people as an un-Christian approach to tolerance of other beliefs.
“I just think God’s love is wider and deeper than that,” said Sister Denise Wilkinson, general superior of the Sisters of Providence, when asked for comment about the sign’s message.
“We believe and operate from the assumption that God is known in many different ways by many different people in many different cultures,” Wilkinson said of the Catholic tradition. “And the ways God speaks to people is bigger than any one faith or belief.”
The use of the word “Allah” in the sign may seem to challenge Islam, but Pastor Bob Parker of Bible Baptist Center at 25th Street and Margaret Avenue said the intent was not derogatory.
“People are making it a political statement,” said Parker when asked about the meaning of the sign’s statement.
“It just means the founder of Christianity still lives,” Parker said.
He pointed out that the statement about Allah did not have a question mark behind it, so he did not think it was an attack. However, Parker also said the church does not have punctuation lettering for the sign. A church member had suggested the message to him, and he approved it.
As of Wednesday, Parker said he had received three comments about the sign, and he is willing to talk to people about it.
By Wednesday afternoon, the message on the sign had changed. But Parker said the message changes weekly, and it was just time to make the change.
“I’m not concerned,” he said of the comments about the message’s negative connotation.
Al Mansor, speaking on behalf of the Islamic Center of Terre Haute, said some people confuse the prophet Mohammed with Allah. “Many people are ignorant about the word Allah,” Mansor told the Tribune-Star when asked about the church sign.
“Allah means God. God is the Creator. Allah,” he said, agreeing that Jesus is the Son of God, as Christians believe. Muslims also believe in Jesus, he pointed out.
“We have to believe in Jesus. If we don’t, we’re not Muslim,” Mansor said.
Terre Haute is a diverse community, with many people of the faiths of Judaism, Islam and Hinduism residing, working, raising families and being active in the community. However, the dominance of Christian churches and worship centers may give the impression that Christianity is the only organized religion in the area.
For Hindus, the nearest temple for worship is in Indianapolis, but weekly visits to a temple are not required for worship, unlike Christianity, which urges regular attendance at worship services.
For Muslims, worship is supported by the Islamic Society of North America, which has its headquarters in Plainfield.
In the days following the symbolic tearing down of the “Wall of Hate” event at Indiana State University, the church’s message seemed ironic to the teenage letter-writer.
The child of a Hindu mother and a Catholic father, Coleman wrote in her letter, “Who are we, as mere humans, to question the workings God or even to try to convince other people that only our way is correct?”
And here's the original letter from the 13 year old:
Published: November 18, 2009 11:08 pm
Church sign raises objection
Pastor says intent was not derogatory
By Lisa TriggThe Tribune-Star
TERRE HAUTE — A sign at a Terre Haute church bearing a message that many people would deem “intolerant” has raised an objection from a concerned teenager who could not let the message go unchallenged.
Saagarika Coleman submitted a letter to the editor of the Tribune-Star (see page A8) stating that she was “hit with a wave of shock. I was horrified” when she saw the sign at Bible Baptist Church as her father drove her to school Monday morning.
The sign stated, “Jesus died and rose and lives for you. What did Allah do.”
To Coleman and others, the message seems to challenge or belittle the Muslim faith. At best, such sentiments strike some people as an un-Christian approach to tolerance of other beliefs.
“I just think God’s love is wider and deeper than that,” said Sister Denise Wilkinson, general superior of the Sisters of Providence, when asked for comment about the sign’s message.
“We believe and operate from the assumption that God is known in many different ways by many different people in many different cultures,” Wilkinson said of the Catholic tradition. “And the ways God speaks to people is bigger than any one faith or belief.”
The use of the word “Allah” in the sign may seem to challenge Islam, but Pastor Bob Parker of Bible Baptist Center at 25th Street and Margaret Avenue said the intent was not derogatory.
“People are making it a political statement,” said Parker when asked about the meaning of the sign’s statement.
“It just means the founder of Christianity still lives,” Parker said.
He pointed out that the statement about Allah did not have a question mark behind it, so he did not think it was an attack. However, Parker also said the church does not have punctuation lettering for the sign. A church member had suggested the message to him, and he approved it.
As of Wednesday, Parker said he had received three comments about the sign, and he is willing to talk to people about it.
By Wednesday afternoon, the message on the sign had changed. But Parker said the message changes weekly, and it was just time to make the change.
“I’m not concerned,” he said of the comments about the message’s negative connotation.
Al Mansor, speaking on behalf of the Islamic Center of Terre Haute, said some people confuse the prophet Mohammed with Allah. “Many people are ignorant about the word Allah,” Mansor told the Tribune-Star when asked about the church sign.
“Allah means God. God is the Creator. Allah,” he said, agreeing that Jesus is the Son of God, as Christians believe. Muslims also believe in Jesus, he pointed out.
“We have to believe in Jesus. If we don’t, we’re not Muslim,” Mansor said.
Terre Haute is a diverse community, with many people of the faiths of Judaism, Islam and Hinduism residing, working, raising families and being active in the community. However, the dominance of Christian churches and worship centers may give the impression that Christianity is the only organized religion in the area.
For Hindus, the nearest temple for worship is in Indianapolis, but weekly visits to a temple are not required for worship, unlike Christianity, which urges regular attendance at worship services.
For Muslims, worship is supported by the Islamic Society of North America, which has its headquarters in Plainfield.
In the days following the symbolic tearing down of the “Wall of Hate” event at Indiana State University, the church’s message seemed ironic to the teenage letter-writer.
The child of a Hindu mother and a Catholic father, Coleman wrote in her letter, “Who are we, as mere humans, to question the workings God or even to try to convince other people that only our way is correct?”
And here's the original letter from the 13 year old:
November 18, 2009 05:32 pm
— Church message of intolerance is offensive
In the lethargy of a beautifully lazy Monday morning, I listened to my iPod, feeling the beats pulse in my ears as my father drove me to school. Every day we take this route through the small town of Terre Haute and we immediately notice any differences in the landscape. In the dull monotony of the regular drive, something struck me as we passed a nearby church. The common sign was emblazoned with a message: “Jesus died and rose. And He lives for you. What did Allah do?”
At first, I was hit with a wave of shock. I was horrified; who did this? I reminisced about the signs that, at one point, were so common in our small town that read: “Terre Haute. United for Diversity and Tolerance.” In the short span of my life, I had never seen such direct, vicious hatred.
I thought about our many generous and kind-hearted Muslim friends and how they would feel had they seen this sign. Young and inexperienced as I am, this immediately struck me as wrong. If I, a 13-year-old, had noticed this, how could the adult who had written these prejudiced words not seen the blatant injustice? Who are we, as mere humans, to question the workings of God or even to try to convince other people that only our way is correct? Would Jesus have wanted that statement posted? Did He not teach us to love our brothers and sisters?
I feel sad that such people still exist in our society, we still battle the same prejudices that people battled in the early ages. Along with our technological advances, we should have made advances of mind to see beyond such petty rubbish.
For the people that posted such a base statement, we should feel only pity. They suffer from a malady of the mind. I wish that there were a vaccine for racism, just as our school was vaccinated for the H1N1 virus. Get well soon!
If you feel solidarity and wish to make a more peaceful, united Terre Haute, be sure to call the church and voice your feelings. We ought not allow such wrongs to take place. Call the Bible Baptist Church at (812) 238-2541.
— Saagarika Coleman
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
As one of the article commentors stated "Isn't it amazing that this child has so much more common sense than the adults do in this community! God bless you child."
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
I know enough's been said about this...
and I know that another's faith does not affect my own, but the whole kimdonesia, vintagegoth thing has left me a bit shaken.
How can you be soooo convinced of something, and then turn your back on it?
As I typed that last sentence, I realized that people could ask the same question of me and my leaving Christianity. I was a Bible School teacher, church camp counselor, etc. etc. Converting to Islam has been very hard for me. The only person really supporting my decision is my husband. I am not a strong Muslim. I still have a lot of doubts. I took my shahada in June, yet i STILL haven't learned how to pray. I make excuses about how busy I am, full time mother and student. But, my priorities are not straight, I spend more time online researching Muslim clothing and typing on this blog than I do reading the Qur'an and learning the prayers and more importantly, praying those prayers.
Makes me scared, much like the vintagegoth, that I am Muslim for the wrong reasons. I am not at the point where I would renounce my shahada. La ilaha illa Allah. I do still have reservations about Muhammad, much to my distress. I believe he's a prophet, but at the same time, I'm uncomfortable with the empasis placed on him in prayers, etc.
I guess my big problem is, WHY AM I DRAGGING MY FEET? Why do I worry more about wearing proper hijab than praying 5 times a day? Is hijab a pillar? NO. Is prayer, ABSOLUTELY. I still have Christian understandings of things, like prayer, I think. I pray (du'a) at night lying in my bed just as I did when I was a Christian. And that's generally the only time I contact God during the day. And I'm generally falling asleep.
I think I've overestimated where I am spiritually. Both when I was a Christian, and now, as a Muslim. I was seen as a 'good Christian girl,' because I went to church every Sunday. I rarely read the Bible, though, and my prayers were sleepy ramblings at bedtime. I'm just as bad at being a Muslim. I rarely read the Qur'an, and my prayers are sleepy ramblings at bedtime. But, just as my church attendance made me feel justified in my 'good' standing in Christianity, my abtaining from pork, alcohol, and modest dress have made me feel justified as a 'decent Muslim.'
I'm tired of being lukewarm. Where is my desire to submit? It's something I wondered while Christian, and it's something I'm still wondering on this new religious path. I want a relationship with God. I want to feel like my prayers are reaching someone. I want to feel, while reading the Qur'an, that I am truly glorifying God by reading his literal words.
Sometimes I fear that I'm not chosen. That I lack the ability to move beyond a logical understanding and belief into a true relationship and desire to please, follow, submit.
This has been a good post for me. It's reassured me that the problem isn't necessarily Islam, it's me and my priorities, because I practiced Christianity similarly. I need to be spritually revived. I want to read the Qur'an because I WANT to, not because I feel I should. I want to pray because I WANT to, not because I'm afraid of disappointing God.
I think a break from blogger and online shopping is necessary at this point. I dropped facebook because of the time it stole from me, but I found other webites to waste my time (and money). God deserves more from me, and so does my son.
I'm going to try my hardest to only log onto blogger once a week when my son is asleep. I am going to give the little free time my son allows me to God, not the internet. Somehow I got messed up, prioritizing, son, homework, me, and then God. That's not right at all. I wish I could put God at the top of the list, but my son has very real needs. It sounds awful saying that, but I don't know how to have it any other way.
Alhumdullilah, I'm still a Muslim.
How can you be soooo convinced of something, and then turn your back on it?
As I typed that last sentence, I realized that people could ask the same question of me and my leaving Christianity. I was a Bible School teacher, church camp counselor, etc. etc. Converting to Islam has been very hard for me. The only person really supporting my decision is my husband. I am not a strong Muslim. I still have a lot of doubts. I took my shahada in June, yet i STILL haven't learned how to pray. I make excuses about how busy I am, full time mother and student. But, my priorities are not straight, I spend more time online researching Muslim clothing and typing on this blog than I do reading the Qur'an and learning the prayers and more importantly, praying those prayers.
Makes me scared, much like the vintagegoth, that I am Muslim for the wrong reasons. I am not at the point where I would renounce my shahada. La ilaha illa Allah. I do still have reservations about Muhammad, much to my distress. I believe he's a prophet, but at the same time, I'm uncomfortable with the empasis placed on him in prayers, etc.
I guess my big problem is, WHY AM I DRAGGING MY FEET? Why do I worry more about wearing proper hijab than praying 5 times a day? Is hijab a pillar? NO. Is prayer, ABSOLUTELY. I still have Christian understandings of things, like prayer, I think. I pray (du'a) at night lying in my bed just as I did when I was a Christian. And that's generally the only time I contact God during the day. And I'm generally falling asleep.
I think I've overestimated where I am spiritually. Both when I was a Christian, and now, as a Muslim. I was seen as a 'good Christian girl,' because I went to church every Sunday. I rarely read the Bible, though, and my prayers were sleepy ramblings at bedtime. I'm just as bad at being a Muslim. I rarely read the Qur'an, and my prayers are sleepy ramblings at bedtime. But, just as my church attendance made me feel justified in my 'good' standing in Christianity, my abtaining from pork, alcohol, and modest dress have made me feel justified as a 'decent Muslim.'
I'm tired of being lukewarm. Where is my desire to submit? It's something I wondered while Christian, and it's something I'm still wondering on this new religious path. I want a relationship with God. I want to feel like my prayers are reaching someone. I want to feel, while reading the Qur'an, that I am truly glorifying God by reading his literal words.
Sometimes I fear that I'm not chosen. That I lack the ability to move beyond a logical understanding and belief into a true relationship and desire to please, follow, submit.
This has been a good post for me. It's reassured me that the problem isn't necessarily Islam, it's me and my priorities, because I practiced Christianity similarly. I need to be spritually revived. I want to read the Qur'an because I WANT to, not because I feel I should. I want to pray because I WANT to, not because I'm afraid of disappointing God.
I think a break from blogger and online shopping is necessary at this point. I dropped facebook because of the time it stole from me, but I found other webites to waste my time (and money). God deserves more from me, and so does my son.
I'm going to try my hardest to only log onto blogger once a week when my son is asleep. I am going to give the little free time my son allows me to God, not the internet. Somehow I got messed up, prioritizing, son, homework, me, and then God. That's not right at all. I wish I could put God at the top of the list, but my son has very real needs. It sounds awful saying that, but I don't know how to have it any other way.
Alhumdullilah, I'm still a Muslim.
Monday, November 9, 2009
My Baby is ONE!
My son's birthday was today. I can't believe it's been a whole year.....Really, now, where did the time go?
He was spoiled rotten with gifts from me and his daddy, his aunties, his uncle, and his grandparents and great grandparents. We're going to need a bigger house just to store his toys, it seems, lol.
He can't eat cake because it contains grains and eggs, and he can't eat ice cream because it's made with cow's milk.
Sooo, I made a cheesecake for the rest of the family to eat and so he could have a candle and singing, but all he got to eat was a "Birthday Banana." You should see how much he loves eating bananas, though, lol, I don't think he knew he was missing out on anything.
His endoscopy was last Tuesday. Everything was clear, but the results from the biopsies they took from his esophagus, stomach, and intestines have not been given to us yet. They were testing how he breaks down certain sugars and proteins, I think. I know they can test for allergy through the biopsies, but I don't think they can test for what specifically he is allergic to. He is now drinking 3 oz. of the neocate (amino acid) formula a day. He has actually moved past the spoon and into a special sippy cup I bought for him. It's basically the only cup he'll drink out of, so even though it was $6, I think I'll splurge and buy a couple more. Once he's comfortable with the formula I think I'll start weaning or at least decreasing feedings. I think it will make me a little emotional when we stop getting this bonding time together, but at the same time, it'd be nice to be able to have some 'freedom.' Breastfeeding a baby every 3 hours for a year really ties you down.
My son is really developing a personality and I find myself cracking up at some of his antics. His favorite song is now Old MacDonald. EVERYONE sings it to him now, even his grandparents in Saudi Arabia. He starts bobbing up and down to the beat and sings along "e-i-o" He waves his arms like he's conducting and is just the cutest thing, mash'Allah. There's a certain song I play on the piano, it has no lyrics, that he absolutely loves. He'll stop what he's doing when he hears it so that he can scoot over to the piano (he doesn't crawl, still scoots on his butt, which is all I ever did as a baby) and then starts the whole dancing routine. (bobbing, waving the arms, etc.) He's a very musical baby, hence, the keyboard he got for his birthday today. I sing and play the piano (and clarinet barely), and his father plays the guitar, drum, and oud, (and a little keyboard) so I think perhaps he inherited it from both sides.
Another crazy thing he did today...I'm almost embarrassed to share this. He absolutely loves playing with balls. Bouncy balls, soccer balls, anything. My brother actually got him 100 soft balls for his birthday and has turned his playpen into a ball pit! So cute, my son absolutely loved it! But anyway, today I had him up on the changing table, and he turned and kind of cupped my breast. (I was dressed, of course). He eats from them all the time so I was just like, whatever, if it keeps him occupied (changing is a real struggle sometimes). But anyway, he has his hand on my breast and he looks at me and says "ball," only for him it's more like "bA!" Oh goodness I laughed so hard. At least if we don't wean soon he'll be asking for his ball in the grocery store instead of for "boobies." I've been trying to say "milk" "halib" all the time when he eats to avoid the "boobie" embarrassment if he starts talking more prior to weaning.
Life is entertaining. And so, so, busy. I'm still reading blogs, just not posting as often. I plan on replying to comments that have been made on my past few posts. Insha'Allah I will find the time soon.
He was spoiled rotten with gifts from me and his daddy, his aunties, his uncle, and his grandparents and great grandparents. We're going to need a bigger house just to store his toys, it seems, lol.
He can't eat cake because it contains grains and eggs, and he can't eat ice cream because it's made with cow's milk.
Sooo, I made a cheesecake for the rest of the family to eat and so he could have a candle and singing, but all he got to eat was a "Birthday Banana." You should see how much he loves eating bananas, though, lol, I don't think he knew he was missing out on anything.
His endoscopy was last Tuesday. Everything was clear, but the results from the biopsies they took from his esophagus, stomach, and intestines have not been given to us yet. They were testing how he breaks down certain sugars and proteins, I think. I know they can test for allergy through the biopsies, but I don't think they can test for what specifically he is allergic to. He is now drinking 3 oz. of the neocate (amino acid) formula a day. He has actually moved past the spoon and into a special sippy cup I bought for him. It's basically the only cup he'll drink out of, so even though it was $6, I think I'll splurge and buy a couple more. Once he's comfortable with the formula I think I'll start weaning or at least decreasing feedings. I think it will make me a little emotional when we stop getting this bonding time together, but at the same time, it'd be nice to be able to have some 'freedom.' Breastfeeding a baby every 3 hours for a year really ties you down.
My son is really developing a personality and I find myself cracking up at some of his antics. His favorite song is now Old MacDonald. EVERYONE sings it to him now, even his grandparents in Saudi Arabia. He starts bobbing up and down to the beat and sings along "e-i-o" He waves his arms like he's conducting and is just the cutest thing, mash'Allah. There's a certain song I play on the piano, it has no lyrics, that he absolutely loves. He'll stop what he's doing when he hears it so that he can scoot over to the piano (he doesn't crawl, still scoots on his butt, which is all I ever did as a baby) and then starts the whole dancing routine. (bobbing, waving the arms, etc.) He's a very musical baby, hence, the keyboard he got for his birthday today. I sing and play the piano (and clarinet barely), and his father plays the guitar, drum, and oud, (and a little keyboard) so I think perhaps he inherited it from both sides.
Another crazy thing he did today...I'm almost embarrassed to share this. He absolutely loves playing with balls. Bouncy balls, soccer balls, anything. My brother actually got him 100 soft balls for his birthday and has turned his playpen into a ball pit! So cute, my son absolutely loved it! But anyway, today I had him up on the changing table, and he turned and kind of cupped my breast. (I was dressed, of course). He eats from them all the time so I was just like, whatever, if it keeps him occupied (changing is a real struggle sometimes). But anyway, he has his hand on my breast and he looks at me and says "ball," only for him it's more like "bA!" Oh goodness I laughed so hard. At least if we don't wean soon he'll be asking for his ball in the grocery store instead of for "boobies." I've been trying to say "milk" "halib" all the time when he eats to avoid the "boobie" embarrassment if he starts talking more prior to weaning.
Life is entertaining. And so, so, busy. I'm still reading blogs, just not posting as often. I plan on replying to comments that have been made on my past few posts. Insha'Allah I will find the time soon.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Slightly Bothered
I guess it was wrong of me to believe that my blogging thoughts would remain 'private.' I changed my settings so that my blog will not appear on a google search, I use a fake name (Nikki) and try my best to either not post names, or post fake names instead.
With that being said, I have not been as careful as I should have. I have posted a picture of myself, minus hijab, although modestly dressed, I have posted a picture of my son (the back of him, but still), and I have referenced locations that give anyone familiar with them or tempted to do a search a fairly good idea of my location.
I don't want people to know who I am. I don't want anyone I know personally (family especially) to read this blog.
I have recently found my post 'Things are...' on two different Islamic websites. It has been 'tweeted' twice and facebooked three times. This was a very personal post highlighting some of my family's initial reactions to my conversion. I am slightly honored that people found my story moving enough to share, and slightly bothered by the infringement on my privacy. The line in particular, where my mom used the phrase "blow my brains out," really bothers me. She was in the first stages of grief and said something she did not mean. I don't want the whole internet community to think my mom is suicidal or makes a habit of threatening me with such things. This was out of character for her and I'm afraid of someone I know reading it and looking down on her.
I love my family. That post was right after the fact. My family still does not accept my coversion in the sense that they continually preach Christianity to me, but they do accept me as a daughter, they do love me, and they haven't removed me from their household or their hearts.
If those of you who posted my story read this, I would appreciate a) being asked before anything else of mine is posted and b) if you would remove that original post. That was a very personal entry, and one that I would like to have control over to delete if/when I see fit.
I am more than willing to share my entire story of conversion, including the family reaction, if you would like. BUT, obviously, it would be typed in a more formal, less personal style, and wouldn't include such damaging quotes, but instead an overview of their disapproval.
I would like to help anyone and everyone I can. And I believe sharing personal narratives is a wonderful way of doing this. Reading personal narratives on conversion is something I absolutely love to do, and knowing that my own story could be among them is exciting. That particular post, though, was written at a particularly low point, and I believe it would discourage more than encourage. I also do not wish to make my family or Christians in general look bad and intolerant. I do not believe the way to show the beauty and truth of Islam is through the slander of other religions. Islam is able to stand firm on its own.
With that being said, I have not been as careful as I should have. I have posted a picture of myself, minus hijab, although modestly dressed, I have posted a picture of my son (the back of him, but still), and I have referenced locations that give anyone familiar with them or tempted to do a search a fairly good idea of my location.
I don't want people to know who I am. I don't want anyone I know personally (family especially) to read this blog.
I have recently found my post 'Things are...' on two different Islamic websites. It has been 'tweeted' twice and facebooked three times. This was a very personal post highlighting some of my family's initial reactions to my conversion. I am slightly honored that people found my story moving enough to share, and slightly bothered by the infringement on my privacy. The line in particular, where my mom used the phrase "blow my brains out," really bothers me. She was in the first stages of grief and said something she did not mean. I don't want the whole internet community to think my mom is suicidal or makes a habit of threatening me with such things. This was out of character for her and I'm afraid of someone I know reading it and looking down on her.
I love my family. That post was right after the fact. My family still does not accept my coversion in the sense that they continually preach Christianity to me, but they do accept me as a daughter, they do love me, and they haven't removed me from their household or their hearts.
If those of you who posted my story read this, I would appreciate a) being asked before anything else of mine is posted and b) if you would remove that original post. That was a very personal entry, and one that I would like to have control over to delete if/when I see fit.
I am more than willing to share my entire story of conversion, including the family reaction, if you would like. BUT, obviously, it would be typed in a more formal, less personal style, and wouldn't include such damaging quotes, but instead an overview of their disapproval.
I would like to help anyone and everyone I can. And I believe sharing personal narratives is a wonderful way of doing this. Reading personal narratives on conversion is something I absolutely love to do, and knowing that my own story could be among them is exciting. That particular post, though, was written at a particularly low point, and I believe it would discourage more than encourage. I also do not wish to make my family or Christians in general look bad and intolerant. I do not believe the way to show the beauty and truth of Islam is through the slander of other religions. Islam is able to stand firm on its own.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Long Overdue
So, I was posting and posting about my son and then I got overwhelmed with coming clean to my parentsabout Islam and failed to update you.
The parental issues have come to a bit of a standstill. They are somewhat in denial, acting like this is a phase that they'll just have to 'wait out.' They didn't even tell my brother, leading me to believe they're hoping he'll never have to know. My mom has done the most acknowledging, asking me if this means I'm not eating pork and asking what lunchmeat I'd like her to buy for me instead. (i still eat non-halal meats, my parents can only take so much at a time...and halal meat is not sold in our town, you'd have to drive at least 30 minutes to get any (not very fresh) and about two hours if you want good quality meat.)
Anyway, so, I'm surviving. They're quite smothering at times with their concern. And I'm annoyed that they still had me go to church with them.
BUT, what I wanted to post about was a long overdue update on my son. He had his appointment with the pediatric GI on Oct. 23. This doctor actually listened to us and agreed that it was allergy related. He said physically, my son is absolutely fine, no virus, no stomach problems, no 'failure to thrive,' etc.
The doctor was concerned about my weight loss. I explained that it is very difficult to satisfy a 1 year old with breastmilk alone (and the occasional fruit). He agreed and gave us some amino-acid based formula to try. It's a 'medical formula' so it costs an arm and a leg. :/ Right now the most we can get him to drink is 2 ounces, but only from a spoon. For some reason, he won't take it any other way. I'm hoping that the more he gets used to it, we'll eventually be able to give it to him in a sippy cup and I can cut down on breastfeeding. Since the doctor visit, we've continued to try with fruits and he's done very well. He associates certain spoons with getting sick, so we've changed his silverware and he's eating more babyfood. Still not really liking it, but he'll eat small amounts without screaming. He LOVES to eat real food, though. He likes to eat bananas, apples, pears, peaches, and grapes like a big boy. Of course, you can't get all your nutrients from fruit, so he's still on a multivitamin with iron and like I said we're still working on the formula.
They scheduled an upper endoscopy for -tomorrow!- to see if they can find anything more out that way and to make sure there is no damage to his esophagus. I've had an endoscopy myself, and know that I was in absolutely no pain during or after, so that makes me feel a bit better. I'm still terribly nervous, though, about anesthesia, and him fasting, and him waking up with me not there..... :/
The ped. GI also referred as to a pediatric allergist who has made us an appointment on Dec. 1. We are getting answers! It may be a roundabout way of getting answers, but at least we haven't had any more reactions. I showed the GI the information on FPIES and he said it could very well be related. The allergist would be the one to diagnose that, though.
So, that's what's going on. Pray for his 'surgery' tomorrow! Pray for his parents and grandparents, also, because I'm sure we'll all be more worried than him. :) Insha'Allah it will go smoothly with clear results.
The parental issues have come to a bit of a standstill. They are somewhat in denial, acting like this is a phase that they'll just have to 'wait out.' They didn't even tell my brother, leading me to believe they're hoping he'll never have to know. My mom has done the most acknowledging, asking me if this means I'm not eating pork and asking what lunchmeat I'd like her to buy for me instead. (i still eat non-halal meats, my parents can only take so much at a time...and halal meat is not sold in our town, you'd have to drive at least 30 minutes to get any (not very fresh) and about two hours if you want good quality meat.)
Anyway, so, I'm surviving. They're quite smothering at times with their concern. And I'm annoyed that they still had me go to church with them.
BUT, what I wanted to post about was a long overdue update on my son. He had his appointment with the pediatric GI on Oct. 23. This doctor actually listened to us and agreed that it was allergy related. He said physically, my son is absolutely fine, no virus, no stomach problems, no 'failure to thrive,' etc.
The doctor was concerned about my weight loss. I explained that it is very difficult to satisfy a 1 year old with breastmilk alone (and the occasional fruit). He agreed and gave us some amino-acid based formula to try. It's a 'medical formula' so it costs an arm and a leg. :/ Right now the most we can get him to drink is 2 ounces, but only from a spoon. For some reason, he won't take it any other way. I'm hoping that the more he gets used to it, we'll eventually be able to give it to him in a sippy cup and I can cut down on breastfeeding. Since the doctor visit, we've continued to try with fruits and he's done very well. He associates certain spoons with getting sick, so we've changed his silverware and he's eating more babyfood. Still not really liking it, but he'll eat small amounts without screaming. He LOVES to eat real food, though. He likes to eat bananas, apples, pears, peaches, and grapes like a big boy. Of course, you can't get all your nutrients from fruit, so he's still on a multivitamin with iron and like I said we're still working on the formula.
They scheduled an upper endoscopy for -tomorrow!- to see if they can find anything more out that way and to make sure there is no damage to his esophagus. I've had an endoscopy myself, and know that I was in absolutely no pain during or after, so that makes me feel a bit better. I'm still terribly nervous, though, about anesthesia, and him fasting, and him waking up with me not there..... :/
The ped. GI also referred as to a pediatric allergist who has made us an appointment on Dec. 1. We are getting answers! It may be a roundabout way of getting answers, but at least we haven't had any more reactions. I showed the GI the information on FPIES and he said it could very well be related. The allergist would be the one to diagnose that, though.
So, that's what's going on. Pray for his 'surgery' tomorrow! Pray for his parents and grandparents, also, because I'm sure we'll all be more worried than him. :) Insha'Allah it will go smoothly with clear results.
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