Random Thoughts on a Wednesday Morning

1.)  So Eid may fall on Sept. 11 depending on the sighting of the moon and such.  There's been a bit of news coverage here about increased security measures on the part of Muslims since they anticipate some opposition to celebrating on this particular date. 

This is just ridiculous.  I don't know any American's who go out of their way on Sept. 11 to "remember" what happened.  They go to work and school just like any other day.  They may watch a short news special after getting home from work but that's it.  That's it.

We can't celebrate Eid, because this day is forever "sacred."  I don't want to downplay the lives lost, but there are lives lost every. single. day. and life goes on for the rest of us.  In my non-Muslim family, I have actually been invited to two events on September 11. 

One is a birthday party for my cousin who's turning 15.  OMG!  Celebrating on 9/11!  What horrible people!  Terrorists!   Anti-American, blah di blah di blah! 

Wait, no?  It's okay?  Ooohh.  They're not Muslim.  They can do whatever they want whenever they want (and wherever they want in regards to church building).

I was also invited to a bridal shower on that day.  I'm not trying to point fingers at them for celebrating on this day.  I think it's perfectly acceptable.  What I'm trying to point out is, it's natural to plan your life how you see fit.  If a wedding is coming up, a shower will be held on 9/11 without question.  If it's someone's birthday, the day of their birth does not change due to 9/11.  SO, if it's EID, it's going to be EID and will be celebrated as such regardless of any calendar date!

The double standards in this country are making me sick.


2)  Totally and completely unrelated.  I don't have much of a problem controlling my urges to eat during Ramadan, EXCEPT for when I'm baking and/or making a dessert!  I generally make desserts with great anticipation of licking the brownie bowl,  or eating the cake batter off the beaters, or eating like 10 cookies worth of cookie dough before actually baking any....

Now I make the batter.  Put it in the pan.  And place it in the oven.  *sigh*  I miss my raw desserts.

and it's Ramadan of all months

So, I may or may not have posted previously about photos of me off of facebook being used for slander.


But, yes, years ago, when still Christian, I had all sorts of photos up on facebook, some of me in bikinis, some of me with boys, and on and on.  My husband and I were already together at this point, but, being a western Christian not real into modesty, I didn't see any reason to "clean up" my photos.

Some Saudi "friends" took these photos to spread crap around the kingdom about me and my husband and our relationship.

This is part of the reason my facebook was deactivated until just recently.

So, as those of you following know, my husband and I had a legal wedding ceremony in June.  We hired a photographer.  Our photographer posts her photos in an online password protected gallery so that you can purchase them at your leisure. 

SO, we were shocked to be told today, that some (unnamed, I think they're protecting him) man from and still living in Saudi Arabia had access to these photos and was spreading slander about us and our relationship.

1) I am not wearing hijab in any of the photos, so to have them circling around KSA is not a good thing.
2) We are kissing in one of the photos, like, a "you may now kiss the bride" kiss.  My husband would NEVER kiss me on the lips in front of anyone, even his parents, even just a peck.  It's culture, so this is a big deal to them.  So this photo is being used maliciously.  The un-named man showed it to my husband's father taunting him "THIS, is your SON."  Which I translate to mean... "see what an immoral, worthless beast you've raised." 

We were stumped as to how he gained access to these photos.  But then some more information leaked, he googled OUR NAMES.  This man.  took the time. to. GOOGLE. our. names.  Do you see something wrong here?  Apparently, our photographer has a wordpress blog, and when you google our names her post of a summary of our photos comes up (it's not all the photos, thank goodness, not that their scandalous by my standards).  I had never even seen this website.  I have never even thought to google our names. Yet some random Saudi man is super interested in our personal lives?

I. am. p*****.  His intentions were obviously just to make trouble.  Who DOES that?  Especially during Ramadan?  You think he'd have better things to worry about than ruining someone else's reputation or status.

I e-mailed the photographer apologetically asking her to password protect or delete any posts with photos of us.  It's her business, so I feel a bit guilty.  I don't want her to think I'm ashamed of the work she did for us. 

UGH.  I'm trying to calm down but I just can't wrap my head around what kind of person would do this to us.

Disappointed

I did break down and break my fast early today, around 3, so that I could take Tylenol.  It seems like such a waste for two little pills...  Day 3 of my monstrous cold.  I can handle the runny nose, I can even handle the drainage down my throat, but my EARS.  I never get "sick" in my ears so I'm not used to this and am NOT handling it well.  It felt like someone stuck a knife in my eardrum and left it there.  I sat on the couch saying I can wait this out, I can wait this out, I can wait this out...and next thing I know I'm at the cabinet pulling down the Tylenol bottle.  I know it's alright not to fast if you're sick, but I'm still a bit disappointed in myself.  Ramadan is about more than not eating, though, it's about focusing on bettering yourself and your relationship with Allah and I could do none of the above with that piercing pain in my ear.  Insha'Allah tomorrow will be better for me and I will not accumulate any more days to make up. 

Thanks for the birthday wishes!  I think last year on my birthday I posted that I had mastitis, lol.  It's a bit of tradition for me to be sick on special occasions and such.

It's My Birthday

I'm 23 today.  I think me and hubby are going to the movies.  If I feel well enough.  This cold is kicking my butt.  I'm fasting because I'm able, but do you think not drinking will make it last even longer?  Also, not taking any decongestant during the day kind of stinks.  My ears are pounding so hard that every noise my husband, son, or guinea pig makes make me flinch and cover my ears.  My ears HURT.  Shoot...I bet the movie theater speakers will be more than I can handle.  Hmmm?

Yes, I'm whining.  But it's my birthday.  It's allowed, right?

I'm sick, but still fasting.  My son has been sick since last Tuesday, so of course, just as he's getting over it and getting VERY active again, I catch it and get very very sluggish.  Last night I doubted my ability to fast today but, mash'Allah it was fairly easy.  I think the cold has diminished my appetite making me not very hungry anyway.  Having a sore throat w/out any water isn't a lot of fun, though.


I had a WONDERFUL hijab experience today.  I took my son to the doctor today (of course, now that he's better) and really struggled with whether or not to wear hijab.  He's been seeing the same pediatrician since birth, so for about two years now.  You go to the doctor so often with your infant that everyone at that office is very familiar with me and my family.  His doctor is THE SWEETEST WOMAN EVER, so I don't know why I was scared of her reaction.  I know she's very religious (Christian) so I guess maybe I thought she'd be kind of like my family and feel "betrayed" by my choice.  Oh, my goodness...she just proved even more how sweet she is.  I've had other doctors notice my hijab with their eyes then quickly avert their gaze and go back to business.  Not Dr. Lily, God bless her, she just gushed over my beautiful scarf and how much she liked it and how I looked so pretty and...  if it was appropriate to hug your child's pediatrician I may have hugged her right there, lol.  It's SO nice to be reassured when taking this step.  I like to wear hijab, and I know it is a command from Allah, but that doesn't mean I'm always secure with how I look in hijab.  To have her not only treat me as she always has, but to even tell me that I looked pretty....Alhumdullilah, it made me want to wear hijab full time even more. 

Also, in the waiting room this woman was talking to me and my son as though we had been friends for years.  I noticed some others in the waiting room a little surprised by her openness with me, a "Muslim", but I was truly thankful for this random woman who choose to look beyond the scarf and see a human being/a mother.  We talked about children, baggy pants, and our families.  It's so nice to not be ignored.  When wearing hijab being ignored is better than being harassed, but being accepted is absolutely wonderful.

I've almost made it...

through my first day of fasting this Ramadan!  Alhumdullilah!

First off, a belated Ramadan Mubarak to all my lovely fasting friends!

Mash'Allah, this year fasting has not been the tremendous hardship that it was last year for me, even though it is earlier in the summer (i.e. looonger).  I woke myself up at 5 in the morning so that I could eat prior to fajr at 5:40.  My husband does not get up and eat suhoor...I didn't last year and barely made it through the day so I'm going to try to consistently get up and at least drink a whole bottle of water.  I'm still breastfeeding 5-7 times during the day and 1-2 times at night so dehydration is a real possibility for me.

Anyway, I ate my suhoor of 3 slices of leftover pizza, and a loooot of water.  I went back to bed until 9-ish.  Took a nap with my son from 12-2, and have been up PRODUCTIVELY ever since!  Last year I truly only had the energy to lay around, and felt faint quite often, I'm only now feeling a bit lightheaded and iftar is in 15 minutes at 9:00 p.m. 

Alhumdullilah things are going better for me this year.  I hope my milk supply stays up and I can continue to fast all of Ramadan!

Presently...

lost in a sea of ayatollahs/marja's(marajii).


I'm trying to find my real "place" within Islam and it's not that easy.  I expected a list of like 5 ayatollahs that people follow, kind of like the four schools of thought in sunni Islam.  Nope, I got a list of 69...and those are just the ones that are still living.

My husband follows Shirazi, although there are even multiple Shirazi's and I'm so confused by Arabic names that I only know it's the right one by recognizing the layout of his website.  If they ever redesign I'll think it's a different guy!

Too be honest, Shirazi's a little strict for my liking.  Like, about things like Chess...

When choosing your marja or madhab, do you have to agree with everything?  I feel like that's almost impossible.  But then I've been told you can't really pick and choose from all of them, you pick one and stick to it. 

It's confusing, because say I claimed to "follow" (I dislike that term) Shirazi...but yet I continue to play musical instruments, chess, and shake men's hands in formal situations.  There are religious leaders who permit these things within religious guidelines.  Shirazi is not one of them.  Just because I claim to be a follower of his jurisprudence, if I commit these "sins" (according to him) yet in actuality they aren't sins according to God, will it end up being a sin anyway because I was told it was but did it anyway?  I mean, it seems like restricting yourself so  much to just one train of thought kind of limits you.  People are people, which means they are flawed.  These people are ABSOLUTELY more knowledgable than me and I'm so thankful they do the hard searching for answers so that my life can be easier.  With that being said, I don't believe any one of them is going to be 100% on ever ruling.  How do you address this issue in your own life? 

This stuff gets me confused.  I want Islam to be easy, like it's supposed to be. Five pillars.  That's all.  Advice is MORE than welcome.