So, there's a few things I felt like posting about, but I don't really have the time or energy to do it in depth/make it entertaining like I generally try to. This is going to be a boring, bulleted post, just to keep you updated but to give me time to get some sleep. :)
- Thank you all for the prayers for my father! His eye surgery went well, although he has to take it extremely easy for two weeks so that it can heal well. At the moment he still can't see anything out of that eye. Keep praying, though, because now he's been having very bad pain in his side and chest.
- I've gone back to work. I substituted like four times over two weeks...but now I've taken someone's medical leave so I'm teaching the same first grade class for the next two weeks. Alhumdullilah they are very well behaved! The teacher's very sick, though, so there aren't really sub plans which leaves me putting my acting skills to the test, lol. As long as I pretend that I know what I'm doing the students will never know. They called and asked me because I was licensed, which shows that my college work was good for something, at least. (you do not have to be a college graduate to substitute teach, although you do have to have "some college") Since this medical leave requires more "work" on the part of the sub, because there aren't really laid out plans, they wanted someone with the experience necessary to handle it. I love getting paid for what I did last semester for free...but it's SOOOOOO hard to leave my son again after a long summer together.
- Eid was uneventful and a bit depressing to be honest. Please don't be offended, in my mind I had just hoped for something more spectacular than staying home watching my son while my husband was at work. We rushed gifts after hubby got home in order to get to my SILs for dinner. And then hubby was so tired that we left after only staying for a couple of hours. He took a nap, and then instead of hanging out with me, he went to celebrate with his friends. I KNOW they "know" Eid more than I do, and I KNOW culturally it's normal to just do things with "the guys." But I'm his wife and I know no one else who celebrates Eid and I was kind of counting on him to make the night special.
- Marriage is hard. And would only be made harder if I elaborated on here.
-My son is doing great with his recent food trials! We passed beef! And we've done four days of cow's milk, but it takes awhile for his system to build up resistance so we have to keep going for at least 3 more days to make sure he isn't becoming intolerant.
-My cousin, who I used to be best friends with, but then we fell out a little with the birth of my son/my gradually becoming more and more conservative/her having a large mouth and telling people things about me that're not true...knows. And I am SO RELIEVED. This is not what I expected, lol. I know she "knew" about hijab, because people had seen me and told her,etc. ( She's also the one I lied to about it last fall ) But now she knows I'm Muslim and that with that came my decision to wear the scarf and that my parents know and that I decided last June and that my dad is super unhappy but my mom's not taking it too badly anymore... So, she is kind of a gossip, but I miss her, we used to do everything together (we even dated the same guy at the same time (without knowing it...cheating scumbag) in high school and stayed friends, and actually, a similar thing happened a different time...) but anyway, we were so close that boys were not going to come between us even in cases like stated above, which says a lot about our loyalty to one another. I hated how we suddenly felt a bit like strangers and I couldn't put my finger on when/where exactly it happened. I think keeping Islam from people causes me to turn away from them. Like, if I have to hide this HUGE aspect of my life, I just might as well disappear completely. It's dawned on me that I've shut out tons of friends for this very reason. Instead of being open and honest, I've just completely shut them out, which is only going to hurt their view of Islam now that I'm getting close to telling them.
Anyway (so much for short and sweet)...more and more people were asking my cousin about my religious choices and claiming to have seen me here or there wearing hijab. She was getting confused (rightly so) because she sees me quite regularly and I never have hijab on (because we're generally at family events, hence, the presence of my parents). She is not shy, I promise you, and is in a class with my husband...so she just flat out asked him. I couldn't imagine doing such a thing (I avoid conflict like the plague). He asked why she was asking, she said she had a lot of friends and family who had asked because they thought they saw me, blah di blah. So he told her the truth. And he told her my family knows.
The next day we were together at a family birthday party. We went upstairs and ended up in a semi private location. I thought she wouldn't bring it up, but of course, she is NOT shy, so she said, "Did he tell you he told me?" And I said, "yeah." And the gates were opened. We talked freely, not even caring if our 15 year old cousin (who's room we were in) heard us. (he wouldn't judge me, we've always been close) It felt sooo wonderful to be open and honest for once in the past year+ of my life. And it was on the second day of Eid, too (sept. 11) which made me feel even better about it.
She didn't judge me. She said my choices were my choices. (which means she's not blaming my husband either which is great) She thinks my dad needs to let it go. Overall, she was great. And now that I can truly be myself with her again, I hope to start hanging out more like we used to.
I think, like with her, family and friends are piecing together the puzzle on their own. My disappearance from church services, my change in clothing taste, my strange eating habits during Ramadan, etc. I've quit being super careful on facebook. I join Muslim groups without caring who sees. I left all the Ramadan and Eid messages right on my profile page, etc. I'm tired of hiding. It's only a matter of time until I'm completely free. I can't wait, truly, regardless of the reactions. :)
I guess I had more to say than I thought. I did let it get to late, though...ugh, again. :( Night!!
