we're very close and I'm scared of what may or may not be left of our relationship afterwards.
My dad made me go to church today. When I was not paying enough attention or not singing he would scold me. Um, singing about Jesus doesn't make me a Christian if I'm being forced......
He's begging me to read the book, "Evidence that Demands a Verdict," because it PROVES Christianity. I'll take it just to keep the peace, but I've read similar, and they all leave questions unanswered.
I want to maintain our relationship, and I know he's doing this out of love, but how can I respectfully tell him,'Dad, I've been through the searching stage already, and Christianity no longer holds the answers for me" in a way that will get him to listen? He's sticking church bulletins in my purse for goodness sake... I told him, I do not want to be having this same discussion (about Jesus being God's Son) for the next 50 years. He told me he'd "never give up on me."
I feel bad for him, I do. But quite honestly...I'm getting annoyed. :/
10 comments:
Well, if you think about it this way reading that book might be helpful for you. It will remind you again of some of the questions you had and why you came to the conclusions you did. Then, hopefully you will be more prepared for future conversations with your family.
if my parents had made me go to church I would've walked out.
Maybe he thinks you're thinking about islam for attention.
Its up to you what you do, but maybe show him the reasons why you love islam so much... the reasons you reverted... show him the evidence that made you believe that Islam is the truth... Thats my plan for when the time comes.
It sounds to me like it is time to stop being passive and start standing up for what you believe in. There is no way I would have been going to church and letting him give me books and stuff pamphlets in my purse. You are past that stage.
I think you have to realize that you may lose them, but it is up to them, not you. If you are not firm, then your dad will be shoving Jesus down your throat for the next 50 years.
"daughters of another path" might be a book for you to read. It is about a Christian woman who reverted and her mother tells the story. It also has a lot of questions answered by other reverts. I plan to give it to my mother.
@ LK, I actually have "Daughters of Another Path," I loved it and it gave me hope that our relationship can continue despite this rocky time with them just finding out. Once my mom's in on it, too, (today or tomorrow probably) I'll give them that book to read. If they expect me to read books on Christianity that they "approve," then I'll give them books on Islam that I "approve." I'm afraid they'll go to the wrong sources on Islam and end up hating my choice more. :/
@ Sarah Elizabeth, I agree to a point, yet, it's only been a few days so I think it's understandable that he's behaving a bit irrationally. Also, my mom didn't know so if I hadn't gone to church, she would have been confused.
Once they've both known for a month, this behavior better have stopped or at least died down to occuring only occasionally (holidays, etc. Christmas is going to be painful). If my dad's behavior doesn't change at all, if he shows no sign of acceptance by a certain point, I will stop taking his literature and refuse to go to church (if he's still making me, which I'm afraid he will).
I move out in 7-8 months. I'm starting to wonder if I should've waited longer to tell them. The opportunity presented itself, though, so...
Giving them good sources is a good idea. I made the mistake of not thinking when I told my parents I was interested in Islam. I should have realized my mom would hop right on the internet and then tell me all the horrible things about Islam (which are so cultural or untrue its not even funny).
In the end they are trying to protect you and frankly they just can't understand at the given moment. This is not something most parents deal with. Yes it hurts a lot when they say horrible things, but it isn't meant to hurt you. They are trying to scare you out of what you want to do because they are scared. They are afraid you won't go to heaven because you don't accept Christ as Son of God, savior of our sins. That seems to be the issue it all boils down to: whether or not you can be "saved" as a muslim.
Stay strong, stay calm. Do not under any circumstances say Christianity is wrong. That will throw you under the bus. No matter how much they trash Islam you must not say that their religion is wrong. That will make things ten times more difficult. The only reason my family and I are able to still discuss things is because I am still able to say "Christianity is good, and has lots of good qualities. It can totally be right for some, just not for me".
I wish I could help more. I hope all will be well and I pray for you.
I guess if you think of how you would react if your son rejected your religion when he was 20ish, you can understand a bit better what your dad is going through. I know it's tough, but hopefully you can talk and show him why you believe what you do. I'm sure in a way, you are glad this is out in the open now.
He told me he'd "never give up on me."
lol...poor you,
and dont think i am being disrespectful cuz i dont give a damn...awful lot of undeserved abuse,
Rubber
@ Susanne - I think that's why I'm able to respond in love, because I know that the majority of their disapproval stems from a genuine concern for my spiritual well being and salvation, as opposed to a concern for appearances and traditions. I'd like to think that going through this experience myself, were my child to choose a path of his own when he's of age that I'd be able to remember this and treat him how i wish my family would treat me, with acceptance and love.
@Elizabeth - I'm having a hard time giving them reasons for Islam. I have reasons, of course, but I'm not knowledgable enough to make such close minded people understand. I've been using the wrong approach, I think, in focusing more on what I don't agree with Christianity. Since I took this approach, their just using the Bible and such to refute all of my 'doubts' (they call them). If I had addressed it more as 'FOR' Islam rather than 'AGAINST' Christianity I would have made a much better case and maybe would have saved myself the sermons. :/ I ordered a book today on Islam that I hope to give to them. I'll read it first to make sure it's something that I agree with and that will open up dialogue instead of shutting them out.
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