Yesterday was plain awful.....

and today was 1,000,000 times worse!


Yesterday I accidentally threw my wedding ring away. I watched myself throw it away. There was never a point when I didn't know where it was. I was in the bathroom at school, I dried my hands, and it slid off and into the trashcan with the paper towel. This was a night class, so the trash can was FULL. I removed every piece of trash. Still, no ring. I then began going through each piece individually...ewwwww! swine flu, anyone? I did find it, although I still feel dirty.

Later that night, my son fell off of the changing table. I feel like a horrible mother admitting it. He fell headfirst off the end of the changing table into the hamper. I screamed in horror, he cried in fear/pain, and my dad yelled at my irresponsibility. He was quickly back to normal and playing like usual. My dad kept saying God was watching over him with that hamper, and I COMPLETELY agree! Alhumdulliah he did not get hurt besides a small scrape! But then my dad said, "we need to thank God and Jesus." ugh. Apparently he doesn't realize the Christian church actually believes God = Jesus, Jesus = God. If he understood what they really think about all that trinity stuff, maybe he'd understand my conversion.

So, that was yesterday. If I had typed this yesterday, much more attention would have been paid to detail. But after today, that's nothing.

I am typing from a hospital bed. I am not a patient. My son is. My son is in the hospital. And has been since around 3:30 (it's now midnight). My son had only thrown up that one day since our doctor visit. You may have noticed no updates, that was because he randomly had a week free of vomiting. He had been doing so well, that we no longer expected him to vomit after eating solids, he still HATES solids, but had stopped vomiting, at least. My mom fed him some baby food while I was in class today. I got home around 1:30, breastfed him shortly after, and proceeded to play with him. He was in a wonderful mood. 2 hours after eating (solids), though, the vomiting started. And didn't stop. He vomited six times at home before my mom and I finally got him in the car to go to the emergency room. It wasn't the vomiting that was so scary, it was his unresponsiveness. He was an absolute zombie. Couldn't sit up, his head seemed too heavy for his body, looked just awful. He threw up again on the way to the hospital. My husband met us there and we admitted him. They got him in very quickly because he threw up in the lobby demonstrating just how sick he actually was. Chest/stomach x-ray, CT scan to check for brain damage (due to his fall, alhumdullillah that all checked out okay). Nothing seemed to be showing them anything except for his unresponsiveness, he just LOOKED sick and thankfully they took it seriously. They took his blood and that showed a possible iron-ish (not anemia) deficiency that is more prevalent in middle easterners. When he got back from the CT scan, they tried to give him an IV. He was so dehydrated by this point, though, that they couldn't find his veins. For hours people tried to find his veins. They called a nurse from pediatrics, and then two from the NICU. One of the NICU nurses finally got the IV in a vein in his head. IN HIS HEAD. My son has an IV in his temple.

During all this iv hubub, his heartrate suddenly jumped from a safe/slightly high 165ish (babies are normally much higher than adults) to a frightening 250. I saw the nurses face as she motioned someone to tell the doctor of this new development. Sooo frightening. High heartrate indicates possible fever, so the retook his temperature. The 98 degrees that he arrived with had now jumped to 102.7. This is the point when they tell me he must have an infection, and it could be surrounding his brain. In my mind I think, why do I know this is bad? Brain, infection, MENINGITIS. They think my son could have meningitis. I have a friend who recently had both legs amputated after almost dying from meningitis, and they think my son could have it, as well.

"Mom, we need you to sign the papers for the spinal tap. " spinal fluid. needle. brain. meningitis.

"I'm not sure if my husband's okay with this. Could you give us a chance to decide?"

After being brainwashed by my parents and the doctor that this was the best thing to do, I reluctantly signed the paper. I was then ushered from the room where they'd hurt my baby without me there to comfort him. They. are. hurting. my. baby. is all my brain could think. Once I got back to the waiting room I cried. I leaned on my husband and cried. I went to the bathroom, and sobbed. After slightly composing myself, I sat in the waiting room. They called me back after the procedure, and my son was fine, lol. Better than before the spinal tap, even. Alhumdullillah! The spinal tap was clear and he does NOT have meningitis! Regardless, they gave him tylenol and an antibiotic to fight the fever. They also did an EKG when they sent to Riley Children's Hospital so a cardiologist there could go over it.

So, here we are now, spending the night to be observed. He's sleeping. His fever's down to 100 an his heartrate's 145. Before falling asleep he was laughing and saying mama mama, baba baba. Wonderful to see him back to himself.


But...we still don't know what's wrong. We know what's NOT wrong, which is a step in the right direction. There's no meningitis, no stomach obstruction, no lung problems, and no brain damage. There may be a heart problem, there may be celiac disease, there may be something else entirely.

One day at a time. One day at a time.


There's my update. I'm beat.

Goodnight.