So yesterday I had a BIG mishap with the deep fryer... I ended up with a greasy, smelly, messy kitchen, some melted containers, and NO FRENCH FRIES to go with our iftar cheeseburgers.
Today I woke up to the mess, still waiting to be cleaned up. Which was enough to make me grouchy anyway. Well, to make my day brighter my son locked himself in his bedroom. Yeeeeah. We're in a second floor apartment building. Meaning, a) I totally can't climb in the window (believe me, I would have tried) and b) we don't own the little stick keys that come with the door knobs for situations like this.
I call my husband, he's in class. I call my mom, she tells me to get a metal hanger and fashion a key myself. She also recommends calling my dad. I call my dad, who tells me he'll come straight from work and recommends calling the apartment office.
I call the office. And the woman is ridiculous. "I'm in apartment 2*** and my son has locked himself in his room." "Oh" "I was wondering if you had the keys that come with the doorknobs..." "...yeeeah, we do. Could you walk over and get one?"
WHAT!?!? Can I WALK OVER AND GET ONE!? "That would leave my son here alone................." "Yeah."
Uh-huh. Helpful.
"Who am I talking to, this is K**'s wife, Nikki, right?" (it's dawning on her that our son is not even two years old and she's asked me to leave him locked in his room alone while I walk to the office and back which will take at least 15 minutes if not more)
"Well, I'm in such pain today." (uh, okay, sorry bout that but my 1 YEAR OLD SON IS LOCKED IN HIS BEDROOM) "I guess I'll send the maintenance man over."'
You guess? Grrr. By this time I had fashioned a key of sorts out of a wire hanger that I managed to straighten out without any tools (because, of course, none to be found) I'm messing with this thing when the maintenance man shows up...WITHOUT A KEY.
He tries my hanger contraption, as well, and it doesn't work. He says "well, I guess I'll have to walk back and get the key out of my tool chest."
Great.
Time passes, I try the hanger again and again, my son cries and cries...the maintenance man reappears...WITHOUT A KEY. So, there are hundreds of these doorknobs in this apartment complex, yet, there seems to be not one key for any of them. He apologizes, and thank goodness, is able to use a screwdriver to let my son, who by this point is hysterical, out.
On top of all of the door drama, my dad arrives while the maintenance man is at my apartment. This means...
I have on a hijab. I told him I was Muslim last October. And he knows I wear hijab when I'm not around him. BUT, he's never SEEN it on me before. I opened the door and you could literally see his repulsion. (that's a word, right?) After the maintenance man left I took it off, for there was no reason to keep it on, and my dad went OFF. "That's so stupid, and unnecessary, and etc. etc. etc....I'm NOT going to put up with it!"
"Well, you'll eventually have to choose between putting up with it and being around me then, because it's going to happen." (in reference to wearing the scarf more openly)
He moped around my apartment for far too long. He was holding back tears and conversation was soooo strained. As he was leaving, he of course got his two cents in about the oppression of Islam and the wonders of love in Christianity. He told me he would keep praying for me and I told him there was no harm in prayer.
I hate hurting him again. and again. and again. But it's like we'll have a short period where he can briefly forget that he thinks I'm damned but then I go and rip off the bandaid again.
How do I continue to stay true to myself but help him to stop hurting so much?
6 comments:
Ugh, what an awful time. Alhamdulillah that your son got out.
I have no advice for you with what happened with your dad. I'm fearing that day myself; my parents know that I'm Muslim, but they have refused to acknowledge it, and I am forbidden to practice it or even mention it anywhere near them. If my mom saw me wearing hijab, she'd probably react exactly the same way your dad did. I'm honestly feeling like there is no compromise that we can make, since we'll both end up disappointed either way.
Ok so first of all, THEY ARE STUPID! WHAT ARE THEY THINKING ASKING YOU TO LEAVE YOUR SON AND THEN SHOWING UP WITHOUT THE KEY!
and second omg dude I feel so bad for you! Honestly the only thing that can help you and your father is time. Time heals all wounds, right? and of course the biggest help of all which comes from allah. but seriously after time he will eventually get over it...but thats only if you allow him to get use to it by wearing it publicly in front of him.
Alhamdullilah i'm so glad your son is ok and inshallah things will start looking up with your father, ameen!.
That's ridiculous! I can't imagine that, asking a mother to leave her baby! Eugh. Lazy, lazy, lazy.
Time was what did it for me... my mum had the same reaction but alhamdulillah I've kept wearing it when I go out and she has gotten used to it. I think that that was his initial 'shock' reaction but hopefully inshallah he will get a bit better once he's had time to think it over.
Wow, I don't have an easy answer for this one. So far he hasn't been very open to learning anything about Islam, he thinks he knows enough already. You just have to be happy, content, and confident, and that will hopefully influence him to feel more positively about your choice.
It really baffles me that one would worry so much about their parent accepting that you are finally submitted to Allah instead of being worried of not following Allah's words!!
Your father will get over it!!
If it's the kind of door knob with a hole in the middle,I've opened them many time with paper unfolded clips ,
ok totally stupid people at your apartment. i probably would have been trying to kick down the door lol.
as for your dad, well i think it'd be better just to keep wearing it around him when you're out so he doesn't think "o maybe she'll change her mind" or that your husband is forcing you to. i've gotten that a lot, or that i converted for him. (if i wear hijab/abaya for him then why would i wear it here when he can't see me???)
also, there's a verse in the bible which says women have to cover their hair while praying or preaching, maybe just point that out sometime (just a suggestion).
1 Corinthians 11:5-6
But any woman who prays or prophesies with her head unveiled brings shame upon her head, for it is one and the same thing as if she had had her head shaved.
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For if a woman does not have her head veiled, she may as well have her hair cut off. But if it is shameful for a woman to have her hair cut off or her head shaved, then she should wear a veil.
I have yet to point this out to my dad-but might if he ever talks to me about it. (His way of dealing with things is not talking about it.)
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